« Uncle Joey's Joint

#161 | JIMMY SHUBERT | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

2022-05-09 | 🔗

Welcome to UNCLE JOEY’S JOINT.....

It’s Monday, May 9th....

Today we catch up with the Great, JIMMY SHUBERT!

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This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
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turn off your first monthly box when you sign up a box of awesome dot, com and Antico joey at check out that box of awesome dot com, co, joey for twenty percent of your first box. Oxob awesome dot com. joey. Let's get this body started its monday more than we had some shit that talk about jimmy chauvinism, studio,
the whatsapp, you bad mother, monday may the night, my mother's birthday and how well that's why they she's that anyway, The fun filled, fucking We can help you guys had a great time
cinco de mayo you jumped up and down on you crash the car Do you I that most EU eyes added on sink or a flock of mild people lose, goddamn minds, but it's gotta be ray weak, it's shity weather today, but I got my man Jimmy to choose schubert and studio don't use finest is going other nice of it. Didn't you know, fucking here in jersey, it's a rainy fucking day, and by and by at a slice of pizza hung out. Mr universe is cause, I got out of l a too bro dog. We got on the fucking first train out and we want the first train hijack dude everybody, everybody scattered I went The delray Florida europe I have a new jersey up at fricking. It's it's! You know it's fucked! Steve some molds and leaves of boston, half a fucking comedies in Austin yeah,
Well, I gotta tell you man, I saw roseanne on stage and asked them the other day. She went down there and was around with Joe and ron yeah yeah yeah? I be, I think it's going to be. I want I want to do some. Do some comedy some sets to come in down there for a couple days are usually do a couple set with those guys it see like they're having a good comedy time well, yeah I know I was just down there. I did the rommel room, but I was done. I did a episode of kill. Tony I mean these guys and vulcan gas company are right across the street, a cake and cream cake and rican cane creek and the cave, but you'd like to live like right within a two block area, and then you know Joe was looking at a building down there. I know so it's going to be. I mean that whole area's going to be. What's going on with the club that
was that all those years I you know what's interesting, yeah the capsule that but that club they closed and then reopened? I think at some point somebody thought looked at that building, as I remember buying it, but they put like a big price tag on it was like no, not really. We didn't do anything you want. You know I mean they should have done that, but I remember it was a pretty decent room and had a real nice big showroom and an outside, but the border was another little stage there was no club, but the day that they went out of business. I heard that margie heard her maid of many years passed away right before the pandemic. yeah, so she wasn't doing go when the pandemic hit and then she was looking to sell the club, but they put a heavy price tag on it. That could have been a very easy move to rogan yeah, but they put a big price. They read, they saw the one hundred million and they wanted that and that that mall is, is you know it's
at a mall north hollywood, yeah no school is our character. Now, the semester. You can see how good a good fucking wind blowing that that club has gone. But you know I went down there and I was very impressed with I. I didn't go out that night. I had to come right back. I think I'm going to go down there in may and then one time and I went down there so were at the creek and the cave and then the back. It's just wide open and it's done hinchcliffe is that it's Adam eager for everybody, I like the manager. It was like Mitchell what the world like it was. I've fallen behind at the comedy store, but they were all all the l, a people on the comedy store people there. It was a blast man a great
you know and for me it was listen. I'm too fucking long in the tooth to go down there and think I'm going to plant the fucking whatever you know, but it's nice to just. I like seeing those kids doing that yeah. I, like I really like seeing those kids fucking grinding it out. It does something to me just because I don't want to do it at that pace. Anymore doesn't mean, I don't courage. People if I can do it so it's kind of nice, I like what they're doing down there yeah it's a real shame. It's hollywood without the fucking hollywood, so it's gotta be beautiful, anytime that stand out and there's no hollywood involved. It's just. You're an is down and dirty as it could be yeah. So you know when you see guys like Jimmy myself, we wait That scene I mean Jimmy, was there with caddis and Jimmy was there when it was really mattered, so those great yeah when it really fuck matter Jimmy was there so I'll think about it. I mean we will a little older. Now you know
if I didn't, have mercy and the fucking wife, I will go on the road with the end with the gold for somebody, a finely debt. That's what we're looking at the new rival, wife and kid, Go on the road. Get you dixon. Oh geez light you not set on fire. You know you're gonna, do all these things because there's no there's no anchor. when I have what I didn't have an anchor, the road was fuckin a magical place. It was the way, oh by the way I was gonna every weekend, he's gonna use them, but I ended up in a fuckin white supremacist camps, Norton cope in burma taxes. Saying. I hate jews. That's just the way. It is that's the adventure that gives you. You know that the adventure. If you infant adventure, one should marry Did you have a child? You listen man, the last ten years I did comedy.
and I shall be asking all I thought about. Was that don't give me that check? I thought I gave up what you gave me that check the pictures disappeared, So, what's going on in america, I dunno it's over. He gave me a check it's over. there's no more pictures. The only thing I have on my mind is gone. I wish, I had the money to fund and take a general. My now dot part is I the road is after you get that check, waiting for that fucking plane waiting for that car to call you at five, Fifty five gone we're here like a hold on. I gotta smoke, a half a joint. Then you get in there. That's all I loved about it was getting paid. That's why? I'm doing what I did thank god. I fucking came to that conclusion. If that was the best part of my week, The best part of my comedy weekend was getting to a town eating that first dinner. First good restaurant dinner whatever. That city has to offer. That to me is fucking king
Knowing you have a show at eight o clock it sold and knowing you going to go back to your room smoke a fucking pound a week and watch fucking HBO, maxwell for the morning. Does Europe? at radio friday. All you gotta do is get up, go to breakfast, go to the fucking gym. That's it! You know, that's! That's I love that shit, but then thursday stay now saturday, I'm ready to commit suicide, I'm ready to pull chris Cornell, I'm ready for pour bulk, my fucking neck on satellite, because that's all that's! Why have Jimmy here, because I alone a hotel room and a fuckin. Sadly yet. at that shit. You know interesting is you're right. It is once it gets to a point like I've been everywhere in america, probably everywhere, but probably fifteenth. I like just touring around all over and then like a like they're doing to get if it goes military tours where you will go like like or you go to asia yeah, I would go when I was just doing it because it was different than like it like I would get to go to asia will plus first off I dunno.
Will spend the worked. Our whole lives and save money to go to see like in know beijing and the great wall of china square on. over. There are literally such of the beijing for one nighter Today's also saw tiananmen square, and then we fly up to four Well, the shanghai vermont, at least it was something different than just like do the road in america. You know you break up the monotony of it like. I would do those mill jerry was with we Steve byrne, page or an end Hernandez, drew carry cause me and goes hey in July, hey Julio's say he think about maybe bring if you wanted to join us, we're going to afghanistan to do shows where you go yeah. I was thinking about going there anyway. Air is lovely this time of year. In august he starts and and we we got you you're, flying into these military like they're, going to fit you for a kevlar vest and a helmet, and you run this like alpha clash, nook, I knew about patchy s hand.
Catalan measures off the back. I don't really like yuck, I'm not nervous, you don't and who cares get a helmet or what Fuck is wrong with you to show those. Why will you to be marine. So these are the kind of things and he would do like it was. I go. I do this because I feel bad for these guys, but it's like adventure travel. You know, like I'm, going to tell you what the just the basic stuff, because you're gone amiss twenty four hours straight, flying to get to doha, qatar and from there you will see one thirty and then you're on these duties, for it operating bases and we're getting off the chopper. What are you doing here? maybe it's because you What are you doin here like? Maybe because giver but I mean it was kind of you know. That was better stay, no tell roman Miriam somewhere.
Hold on the guy. You it's so weird the road, the journey of the road. You know it's, it's fucking like you, go as a feature act and you go and then they like you at the club and they bring you back like in six weeks six months, then you come back the six month and Now they know who you are. You know who they are they're very nice to you very nice to them, and then you meet a girl on Friday night. You do couple lines sadly you want some spit. Maybe you, socrates and your promise, you'll, I'm not going to sleep with you, because I don't but we want to u groupies on the day when I'm not, I'm no group is on the road. I just big checks that do blowin have thirty feet. That's all I love what so so then you I'm back to acting and now you do coke with her and she actually sleeps with you and you have like a nice and then she tells you she doesn't want to have a commitment and you you don't give a fuck. You just go to the next time and hope. There's a freak and then you come back again a year later and this time
She comes from a show and hooked up with you, but she tells you I had a boyfriend. We can't do that. No more! You, god! Dammit, he wants to meet you. You don't want all this shit now you gotta meet the fucking boyfriend and then the next time she calls just like we gonna meet, not really. If you're, not lincoln, I'm not buying it so take the fuck romance somewhere else. It is so weird you see these people grow up. You gotta these black. I didn't have the up until these are Jimmy had gone abroad because I'm a fucking criminal. I got no fuckin passports, got stuck going over and over to the same clubs, and I ain't gonna tell you some honest. I really enjoy myself. I gotta say in all this the american citys I went till I was maybe two cities I did not like, and I can't even think of what they are now does as an I always
The reason why guided to call me was to see the united states when I would read those comic biographies they would talk. They would always mention when you read the optimum brothers, although bet books, they talk about. These podunk tout anybody could go to chicago any any. Could golden wally's gonna orleans go lafayette, Louisiana yeah go too far These are the places it's funny when you have a conversation with somebody as a comic and then a your economic and they're, like I'm from saint louis, starts quit now. And they're like what the fuck you and then get like how do you know? How do you know that area and you're like what high school? Did you get because you here now you know people they start. High school, did, you got a sow now you'll bring reader. No Madame brain
what is weird I just ideally I've been to that yeah. I was telling somebody at that bob mishawaka. They will like pale like idol thug. Do you know about mishawaka? Mishawaka is a lot of indiana. Indiana Michigan the body is our top another day? can tremendous little thing and they the funny bone. I know dame it was a fucking Look you all the time because nobody wanted about it and you the guy I went to gonna nor day for luxury touchdown Jesus fucking around us. No longer northern football jerk sweatshirt you over there and that's it. You know what's the best which the which the best taking the downward evil, for you go find a meal which are famous for I guess so. The foods cool and any one was while yet mishawaka. I'm telling you the only thing in that town is notre dame I mean around it it's different. That was twenty years ago now to you, it's a flock
You know a biometric gone up to each bamiyan michigan. That's a little fuckers yeah, that's a little island on know you the upper peninsula. Where fuckin its You know summer is thirty one degrees, like that summer. You get hit with snowballs that are soft. You know, you know, there's a company called creative team yeah back in the day, but they booked one. All south east region, like the united states, and so you could literally you could do a tuesday night and going over the last four ginea, then you're driving over depressed American tucking down knoxville for the friday and saturday and, like you, felt like a truck. I really like you put a thousand miles. We use You know you, you get to know the rules of the road real, quick cause. You know you just follow the truckers of your trifle. Whenever the truckers are doing your job, you getting your gas over there going to gas over there, the truckers rate dear amit, near I mean you would just go because I mean literally, I will put one thousand miles a week mortgage drive and then just as we
it is the american asked for sure. you know your falcon purest form, brown philadelphia, mississippi brought us a place called thought of mississippi sandra failed. Isn't that like philly row it was like you know, it was a real color and I'm gonna tell you what he makes. I tell you what makes that better when you go, The small american towns and you actually have a great fucking time. You have a great time. I'm like I went to I'll, never forget this. I went to what's the town, so it's it's seattle, idaho. I went to idaho where we go. This guy was six foot. X and black, not just black real black, and to make it worse, he had a spider tattooed on his face like he did it. What is beard You know the guy at the seattle good friends of mitch, Hedberg friends with stanhope greek just to all guy he told me was a criminal from the brow. Also when they got into a fistfight, and I had to hide the garbage can so I called them, and they told him to pick me up on my monday.
is camp by the tornado in the seattle and I fucking look out, the garbage can is rico. Six hundred and fifty a mile away like this. Like rico, We could see if the cops are dead. Fucking watching, let's say you are big black dot, so we take them to fucking, idaho, it's a one week run. You know those that triple, ways dot. Richard brazil, ritual robbers. This was the eight ball in tremendous, the eight ball and What do recall the blackest man in the town? So what does this mother fuck? The next day I get up, I bumped into a fucking gram of coke, and I get up he's calling me we're going to go. Eat breakfast. Alright, we gotta drive to whatever we go down to the diner he's he walks and everybody turns around. It's like he have hot he's: six foot, fucking five, three hundred pounds black with a beard up the fucking spider. So everybody looks at him. What do you think this mother, fucker
I used to do he whips out a fucking matt throws it down he's a muslim. He stopped praying that thing. You wanted to see why he was scaring white people that that I believe. Like I didn't know, I just went through the counter and I just came over to sit next to me and my I didn't even know you black man sit over. There are bills. I guess over that fucking coming in here, like a muslim, he got down dog in the fucking. Restaurant shit, that you can't write that shit, that I we about that those his fucking podcast! That's that's the you can't write the best ever was I'm gonna fuck the creative run at Jimmy pull for me. Can philips you both you guys like
give joey a headline. Is I take many light bulbs with me and we're in fucking, knoxville, tennessee, great town, college, town of fucking, our boost or second to none? I dropped my whole pay. I think they paid one hundred and seventy five deadline. I dropped a whole fucking check on that mother fucking neck. In that store, I think, got a little coke. We did like Clark tennessee. We did like all those days and and then we ended up the week at knoxville. I get on stage. There's like forty people. In the audio I get on stage and I'm doing my fucking job they're, not working. It's the bible belt, I'm eating a bag of dicks, but in the audience Jimmy Choo, but is the hottest woman you've ever seen in your life? I can't take my eyes off the spit from the stage I'm going out. Is this shit in Nashville tennessee blonde bite sized teddy's? This is twenty. This is nineteen. Ninety,
seven, maybe ninety eight I'm doing my stuff and also they want to heckle me. They want to start talking about sucking dick and I'm like. What's going on over here, she's, like my husband when we go home tonight, he wants me to suck the neighbors dick for thirty dollars and then they won't do a whole spiel about how she brings to the job site on fridays. He has a truck and he puts a bed in the back and everybody flocks up with dirty bucks. This chick was gorgeous. She didn't even know how hot she was. Nobody ever told
but no one in our family. He probably bought it from a father for like ten dollars a night for some shit. She's like she was gorgeous guys and she's telling these stories when he has, you ever see, fights and the guys come into the bedroom and fuck me during the fight for twenty bucks. I mean this is crazy shit, so the show ends I fucking. You know whatever thank you for coming. I have no. I go to the bathroom. I take a piss, I'm going to my hotel before going to the hotel room that she is in the hotel lobby and she's like well. All those stories I said was true blah blah blah blah blah blah. You know something like listen. You want to sell, let's see what you got so we go in the bathroom. We start swapping spit. She sucks my dick no big deal. She goes. I had a great time we'll see you later gotta go back. I paid my one of my room, roll, a joint smoke, and I go back now that it's maybe nine people in the fucking audience for the second show in knoxville many lightbulbs does feature he goes up there. Now, I'm looking at I'm like what the fuck is. She still doing here, god, damn it
I thought it was to go. Blowjob she fuckin worked over would have husband and I look and she's looking at me and she's holding onto I oh she's, it's like a twenty second birthday. The girls fuckin lit she's looking over me now or something many light bulbs are coming up, Joey Diaz, I go uptown how you guys doing eight minutes nine minutes into my sent. This check starts crying and then she goes I sucked the committee has dick and he came in my mouth- had a husband gotta besides. Why, unlike notion didn't, and it's going on, it's going off in the show, it's like, I said this deck could keep. My mouth is and he's like. What are you talking about? You sought this black and he's like. I want my forty dollars he's young about his forty dollars on my forty hours your mom, that's an extra twenty forty hours. They hold the cops. Came no matter what happens on get my forty dollars.
Like holy shit, the next night I went down there, he didn't show with us, you didn't show, and that was that like the things that you can't right. You're not gonna, see their sides out you didn't notice the Larry David, so crazy know it. good to see that this What happens by doing this Finally, a law like this is you care read this shit, the book, nothing prepares you for this journey. Unless you do it, this that whole experience that we can probably somewhere it help my career. Like my family somewhere, because it's that's what it is. You go around for a fuckin, highway juice, priest, long, headed I wish highway. but the lose at all. It's interesting. Very interesting. Give us as I go. We watch like women will smith smack chris rock on the economy wards
and I get my mama I so that was probably one of the most unprofessional fucking things I think I've ever seen, while simultaneously on Chris rocks part being the most professional thing. To be able to hold it together? I mean that guy over the whole together and then just like kind of was show, and I said, that's not stand up training we do stand. Trilogies, like I mean I'm too and yeah? He was probably like he was probably like shocked and I just got smacked on like what the fuck just happened, but he's after that stand up gear, okay, we're going to bring the presenters up and just kind of didn't do it, for I think, once you got backstage you'd, probably freaked out a little bit like that. is really focus. That's a good point. I never than ever thought about a perspective because Joe stand of training of true stand up. when you do in twenty years in the store followed me boy, gill nets, that in less than twenty years on a ship you Christopher Columbus, I'm gonna be
Do fuckin twenty years from you know green bay and all that shit you you become really good. I mean guys you get like I'm like the dapper soda married. I hadn't acted like a month or two, but it shocked me guys with the work I was doing on that shocked me like what what this come from yeah the seventeen weeks I spent. Well, the shot. That's a long time to be acting in a row, yeah yeah in a row you we usually act one week and then we move on for eight months. Then you got one day and then you move on but seventeen weeks, that teaches you shit and teaches you how to prepare the camera, how to look blocked yeah? I can rock with anybody and my buddy, I'm a boy rob colin admitted brother, Marco and they wrote a bunch of shit nominated back in the game. They put me in a bunch of stuff, but he says he did a show called lucky with a beleaguered del and craig and rob rishikesh. I love working with stand. Ups cause you guys don't
the fucking flinch. You know not like you know, you're there's. A lot of these actors are like man, it's just that get where you don't even know what fucking such as alright. This is fucking great. Let's go, let's go well yeah, because it's like, you do all I can t. I want my thought it. You know, I don't know your act in an era. That's great, I loved. I love denial of being able to mix, and I advise any young come at all these I have these new fuckin way way. If I d is about you know, there are focused, a social media. I gotta guys. I get the social model, angle boy eddie by I'd, love to but metabolism. The most important thing to do is to get those first five years and get yourself in a worse situation. You can for me like a vital jujitsu. It would be for me to go To class every day and have somebody lay on my fuckin chest me get up to be a black
now. Choking maybe get out in that position that would do no trouble run. Nobody wants to do trouble. What everybody was dirty and brought only wanted what data but noble, duties, one night isn't guys that way: you're fucking it's going to come from the greatest Then there is the greatest adventure to do instead of colonies, format for israel, ireland, all over europe, munich and Well, germany, that old vice doing these military tours in china and asia, south america and all over my luggage, a great giant adventure man. If you can get out there, that's what it's about. I think I think that's the the journey of getting out there and doing it and living that love you're right. You know everything social media, but you can't do that, but yours I've watched you think of you. What a young comic the couple weeks now when on a road and do a torrent, and the guy said now. I talking about he's- got this new idea of the car. and this is new wage and, unlike in all
I've been hearing this shit for two thousand fucking years. This bullshit and it happens every day in america, don't lift weights climb up. That's better. Foy everybody's got the idea. What better for you, nobody wants to do the nitty gritty work and the nitty gritty work. Let me tell you something: I'm fucking proud that I did that nitty gritty work, because it's who you are yeah it'll, you are it's not going to be a perfect fucking night you're, not gonna, walk and then there's going to be a carpet your dog. How many times did you work hard? Your hometown? When you first started somebody got, you would have one night and you were expecting fucking the playboy club and you got and it's like where the blue blues brothers perform when they got bottles thrown at the colorado bitches in the old days they had great colorado, had fucking chicken wire with a little thing mechanical walk in and they told you on the fucking thing. If room is active. If any,
should occur, run to your room and call the manager and dial nine one one. That was the thing that trimble put in the bottom of that room is active I'll never forget that it was. It was boulder on tuesday craig on thursday friday, the grand junction sadie with web low. That was that button run. Then he had potato run wanted to label all my god potato run is ever he has to potato, runs in fucking, idaho two Once you finish, the one you come back, the other is the beauty of it, but I don't want to. Eight one and have a room across the street from each other. So when you don't potato run one on tuesday you're on this rate, when you do potato growing, do you I. How do I know because I ended up in jail because potato, had a run number one. Some guy heckled me and I told me your father mother and then, when I was doing potato
number two, I bumped into the guy when I was eating chinese food at the mall, idaho and his friend came up to chewing tobacco. You think you're, a tough guy shit and next thing. You know I fucking go nigga. We want to take you outside and fight. I go. Listen, there's toys! You both want! I gotta fight you wanted to die. Then they started talking to me like, like really you wanna fight as one of the time. I'm like these guys can't be this stupid yeah. So the guy turns around. I put the tray in chinese, member, like what's that chinese panda and always throws the fucking noodles at your main carbohydrate cancer noodles I took a train when he turned around. I hit them with the fucking edge, the doodle stuck to his head and the loons reform off one by one. So I'm run out of the wall and then I come back. He hit me. with the laurels and all these years, and they arrest me for falcon I don't even know what they arrested me for and the guy had a bell me out. They arrested me six and they Bellevue.
Play nine hundred and five. I came out right in time for the fucking show at the club. that's what happens on those dribble woods they don't want. I also finger lindy in check and she added these two facts at the club, because all those potato- all those its start off probably shall become a kind of like a discard niagara, often very well, because it is the ladys year a year. They start moving. Silver bar comes down and droughts, youth and they want you hosted bikini contact them is one. Can you have no idea, but it's all part of the welcome greg. It really is when they start moving the chairs on you,
It gives you the right you're going to your best bet. You have like eight minutes and you know the grace of god. It was all like the electric slide, like every yeah you're in middle america, like everybody just gets out dazzle what they're called cowboy boots, but they're all doing a hillbilly light dance and then the company will have to show the fucking place turns into a dads. Don't feel too good that yeah but like if you bomb at the show, and then it turns into a disco night, and you go up to a girl and she's like what the comedian that bombed the show you like. Okay, you just go right: the room, the press bro, you start crying. And as you write new jokes, you can see the tears in the papers. Shit, they told you stop. Nobody really has an idea like the first. Road gig I had had. They told me at the fuckin lounge of the shed a room with a guy you're done. like all your life, you read these books.
Let's get inside the rosy at the first gig share fuck alumina guy excise. What do you think he's pick up his toes the whole night? You share your god dammit you dammit nobody over this bad. This is why we adopt fucked up because the breed you take earlier, I could come, but it did the guy's a couple of army carts with some bubble foam and among us dollars. My body five large volumes to stand up to now. This kid you, Instead, it will be back in the day he's from florida, but took them on the road me right and we and we hooked up with a random ron ron. Bennington was the run and ron days with the disciples of comedy with those guys and this dude. Now this guy produces he's, got three shows Well, he the show with Jimmy fast conscious, em. Don't forget the lyrics another shall. But this kid. We are fucked, this horrible club and if there was
Every class would like the bubble foam, and I know you I go. That's that fucking stay in out of your fucking years, while the original combination got brought a point that I locked I will as yet. I would tell them because yeah good idea, let's get a fucking hotel room, split away as a good. Let's get, Let me make that, though, the beak newton like to extend my thinking, beaten, guys to some further righty sally like sleeper fuck it on rich guy, if nobody has a fucking clue that you gotta tell them the story when you guys will party, if you guys were snorting coke and you broke the fucking fire hazard and the next morning you went the breakfast and they put a fucking hole.
it was on your eggs and you guys got paranoid, so you know that so yeah fuck, but I forgot about that one. I remember all those good roadster road stories. We we do hope that we can. All the words were. We were very weird pennington club in ST petersburg. And somewhat I'm a moment. My body, I want my body flat who's, the legendary character in other guy. It was the boy he was my guy, it was the guy behind the guy, so we are all banged up and- and so I pull that he's up on a second floor as I see them up there, I grabbed a fire. She was one of those power once as I pull a pilot, and I'm chasing them all We don t say basically, with this frickin thing right and all s lights, down cars. It looks like a fucking I have to.
My footsteps: don't want footsteps lead back to my door going go to guy much did it. I get back to the room and the next day we get up and you see all the cars that looked like a fucking snowed. It was like oh shit, and we go to this. place across the street, called lenny's, and a great little breakfast joint at the five alarm, an omelet a little fuck yeah. They must fight the fires that it was five in all hilarious. It's probably start dying, but yes, this well managed. Very it's really weird. When I was writing a book I talked to Eric about. This was really weird, hiding quick, calmly, I think about that all the time, because I had some horrible luck for awhile like my first five years I get momentum than someone up. I get momentum by kept coming back, it wasn't like I didn't do com. I would keep coming back. I got back the next night.
but it was always like somebody was bang in the wind. In my sails I was never complete in the beginning cause. I cut the beaten that you get. You cannot. You know they're still dog, I fucking love. I grew up loving Elvis. You understand me idol when you're cuban Elvis is a bad motherfucker. All. This is a bad mother fucker, when your irish Elvis was a bad mother, fucker revisiting movies. You know me a kid and you're watching Elvis you want to fucking, be Elvis I what I was getting too yeah, but yeah you're. Funny I mean we you know. Did I remember. I was like I was the usa. Then, when I started likewise dial nine years old, I get this friggin stupid, fuck, a magic it, but the night, the turned into like I was started doing shows, runs like a thirteen for tat. I was doing like I was currently five or six gigs. I would go down those same christopher hospital philadelphia and you would go on much good. Over the course of that great, and so I would,
with that I would get better and you dont shows for decades to come do that, but at nurses that work there said well, you got to come to our church you're going to come to our church, and so like I go alright yeah I got kimmel. Get these gigs. My old man would have to drive me into some of the worst neighborhoods like west Philly. Is it a beat up, pickup truck sure we could do magic. Indeed, that's color. I wouldn't would think about how long I've been the formula think of I have I have a lot of jobs to pay the bills in between, but this was always kind of like to go out and do anything else. This is my fucking life and I still fucking love it yeah. So it's it's really. What I was getting into the Elvis thing was that I liked Elvis now I can't look at albers, because I did a fucking nine month. Tenure under elvis fucking do an elvis impersonator in denver,
When I'm up on wednesday nights- and I get flashed like- I didn't think about it. For years till I told the story, and now I'm like fuck, I can't believe by tolerated that beaten, everyone became gimme, a small fifty. You know how these people, what a small fifty is on a wednesday that, when you're a starving, comic, etc two thousand dollars check
We call me out and I would go. He would feed me that guy was a great cook weighed about three hundred four hundred pounds guy who was a great cook. They bought them out at one of the casinos. He was an Elvis guy for like twenty thirty years and naturally he wanted to open up a little italian restaurant, but he opened it up in commerce, city colorado. Behind a bunch of truckers shit, there was a cute little plant only. I walk at maybe five tables, but you know I've told this story before it till this day, I'm like what the fuck was. I thinking because I wouldn't have to go up, do fifteen twenty. He would let me do whatever that's what a grouse. I did it because everybody else is giving you ten eight minutes. Seven minutes. He will let you do twenty. I would die ten of those minutes.
I would bring him up so he'd come out first, as the waiter, okay and he'd like for the food, whether it be a cook to show he cooked, he did the waited on. You had a waiter or waitress that was like is nice and then he came out. Are you doing? I just got all blah blah blah and then he grabbed me right back. Let me throw some garlic, bread and also Don't think about a mile is obviously give me like. I boy and I got a lady a treat all this is in the building come into this days. The great tony is elvis and walk. The thing is: go up there and I remember I'd have to sit there and at first I liked it. You know, but then, after like twenty minutes, you're like well, how much you know it's ten o'clock at night and I gotta put up with this guy moving his body- that data be where you can I, the celery powder cause when you're fat you're dry. That certainly potter. Sometimes
if you smell it like I did and I used to sit there, but you know what I became a better comic because of it. It taught me patience. It taught me how to laugh at myself. Not that I lived in seattle was a book I didn't like me. I called her a fucking which one night I didn't like her either, but she had good rooms and I called the one that like listen. I know you don't like me, I'm not looking for a booking. Can I do guess, etching your room and shoot do you want. I can tell ass ever. I knew she ate it. So everyone is, I call and go hey, I'm going tomorrow night to do your shit. Every every fucking weaker I one day, she's like you're such a fucking, loser for doing these room for free and like not really you're, the fucking loser. you're fat, you're sitting on your ass and at least I'm doin fuck him, better shows that I'd be dead if I was a regular, open, Micah, I'm doing them in front of David Crowe and although seattle guys and I'm getting better, I'm improve it. So what you don't pay me? What do you pay anyway?
twenty five bucks I'll. Do it for free and be better than you fucking come back ten years from now I tell ya you sucked as a book and I'm better than you as a comic. It's a shame she died, so I never had the opportunity to come back and call her a fucking dead which fucking sucks But it's a real journey and I have a lot of guys in the patriots of the young comics and they ask questions and stuff, and I encourage them, and I encourage them to stay in the game. is nothing like getting shit on and then how about getting a shit on embalming house that drive home before yeah I'm not getting a dime for it, and you was be home in eleven, but it's twelve fucking thirty and you got up at six for work. You just ruined tonight today. You know- and when you're atomic, you know that is all I thank you being a street person Tomorrow's another day somebody kicked my ass today, but I'm going to go home, eat a roast beef sandwich and I'm coming back and you better be ready.
From a tomorrow and guess what? If you beat me up again tonight, I'm coming back thursday, that's comedy! Yeah, that's comedy in the beginning, Would you want to do? Don't get involved it? If you didn't make it The jokes on twitter is going to get you glad, but you're, not yeah. It's going you going for a little while, going to sell out big, shows you're a big shot, but what happens when you get an opportunity presented to you? You can't cover the fucking, spread because you never want to do the work it's like when people want to headline, but It was the mc for You you're not going to make it. as the embassy as the quarterback gonna fuck, and show you dumb, mother fucker. If you don't know how to navigate the team, how are you going to get rid I can promise land to think about that I posted at hours. You gotta be great, going to be great mc. That way, it'll be a great feature as it'd be great for each rack, then you'll be a great headline, because you know that the show I shall yet- and so you know I don't know what you know
you gotta do what you just know: there's no shortcuts and that's the one thing I love about comedy. There's no reason for some of the people summertime. You can fool all the people summertime, but you cannot fool all the people all the time and you can rest assure and I'm telling you that you'll come the first time I work with tennyson we're doing this place called bogart's in Cincinnati. It was as big weekend freaking thing. does a fire workshop, which it was tied in with his radio station, it was like a giant china then, and It was the first time on the road with was Mckenna's and not, and I go out and man. I I blank a blank for like thirty seconds and then someone yelled, something I didn't shut it. and it got me out of that nice slowly slowly got the setback and started. Nobody ever set, I hadn't fuckin going. It's gone, I was able to yeah. I was able to go out and kind of pulled it up. I pulled out and was go ahead. Excited about pulling. Did the white knuckle pull up and then I walk over to the exit,
work with sam anymore cause I forget, and he goes and he said to me it does not exist. I would rather have seen that set cause. Now. I know you can handle that one of the guys wear a tank that set when the guys attacked I'd say you were able to pull it up Now I know you can handle some guys, we're just fucking continued but so yeah, but you gotta do Those thing until you get until you can do those things on states. Like you said you, if you to all those other shows all those little shows you won't pull up and save a sad so interesting. I didn't get on stage for like a year. I got on stage a couple of weeks ago at uncle dino, dino, yeah, yeah and then thursday night. I went to work calling saturday night and it's funny how you know the first set just blew up my head just scrambles you, but I want with top cigar, then the one when I went with dino that night I was struggling a little bit yeah. I could feel myself digging.
The selected thursday at the stress factory. I felt it like. Okay call is back you three chords, it's black and white on the material. But I'm three quarters back so thursday. I had a hard time sleeping because I came home and I had to go back to the basics. I had to watch my favorite anything for comedy back to basics it oddly special when he has kennison Roseanne. That is, you know. If I ran a comedy camp for a week yeah and made you would fail me show that every night and break it down right down each set hicks following dice is a bridge, and set them follow when the or somebody really there's a couple of is, if you watch those sex, you will learn so much out toward degree, and then you have to go out and fuckin
it's interesting yeah cause. I could I talked to say about that. I will talk about. I said that was will use. That was the one thing that Canada was one of the things I kind of like put to me. But the launch was a planned series of things that happened to him after that, where he blew up what he said, He said this was one of like the one thing you cuz. We got there with these guys and he said I sat there and I went over every single word of my act was the director. It doesn't want to do this, I'm going to do this, so we can discover his work and will could shoot you know and when I- and I always remember that piece of advice is like you just he's sad that I did the same thing when I shot my comedy central, We want over everything and that's why I was able to do that. We got a little beggar, the shadow of high fidget fuck him beside me However, the fact that the director just shot around because I took the time I put the time and he shot around all the stuff. So I got away with it. I couldn't believe they got away with,
I mean before they go into their room. I said over half a case of wine. I said: hey here's a couple of glasses one for you guys to do the just: don't touch the air play b and don't touch the fucking to join twin bed, real good and boy. They did me fuking right. They did it. They great job, but I mean because I heard SAM say that goes. Take your time are getting ready to film some gore, every fucking, note or thing what's going on, and you know you be amazed how many people didn't do it like the weeper doing those specials many years ago, but I mean you guys. We just come out on facts What I I was not a good special shooting, but I reviewed my special the last
two years I saw where I went wrong and it's really fucking weird how you know I have to relearn again like this is the stuff I'm looking at that's making my dick hard cause. It's making me think of that of that apartment in boulder when I used to go home at night and sit and look at a notebook and look at judy caught his fucking book, and you know, but to add to what you were saying if there's comics watching or anybody for that matter, I went to a writing workshop. It wasn't a stand up. Writing workshop. It was a writing workshop. When I got to l a- and I took one thing from that workshop and the guy who had taught him, he goes anytime. You review something before you present it like. We were talking about pitching yeah pitching
It shows he's like it's so weird. I got on pictures of people and they've had a tremendous product, but because they pitched it wrong, they didn't sell yet and it weren't prepared- and you really don't want to go in there with like a sheet you want to be able to. They want to see you a pitch and he goes? I did a study for the years. I would do percentages on pitches It goes. People went over a pitch like if we went over a pitch an hour before the meeting. the show at a higher probability of selling, so I took it as before. I go on a stage. like it. When you go on a road, you don't really have to ride on the rail you really want to. You know you can write whenever you want, but an hour before you know I go on stage. Imagine a friday or saturday night. I would always wash my pussy come out dry myself, whatever hit the vape pen, get put my pants on like a shirt and gold might set the lightly white lightly. Not
No it like a script, not because you were biagi around energy, organic yeah. I just want to know and then I would turn the page over and like. Let's do this set with number two first number. Eight second- and I would do shit like that and it would I tell you man it it. It helped a lot. It's a big fucking savage for you to do better, so is going over you material before What state that's always been a plus and I went over when I shot the specials, but I didn't go over. the right way and I didn't prepare the right way. Yeah there's a way prepare see out jimmy. I would. other matters before we died, but guess what I met Jimmy ninety. Seven hollywood was completely different than what it was now they couldn't comment. They put him on the road fifteen months of the fifteen weeks a year and then the other ten twelve. Sixteen does member. We got dalai. There was shooting twenty six episode to the sea.
six episodes of the twenty six episodes that to don t fees and apis out. That's thirteen of you shoot tv. They gotta be a break so far Sixteen weeks times too, that thirty two weeks so let's say you're on ten of episodes? Fifty in committee. We shall weapon twenty five weeks that fuckin living and yourself tickets, commie shifted, tammany shifted. Agents were pushing comics anymore for tv shows tv. On the other hand, tv started, pain, shit, you know on went low when I at that. I guess star was fifteen to eighteen thousand, now as I said in a fuckin ten it'll be streaming services data. Be rescheduled. So it's a one time payment so now Colleagues comics! I wait a second, I gotta. Do this the three I gotta do a coastguard five hundred, but I could go to pet pennsylvania for eight thousand into no fuckin brain of how to do
couple negotiations like that, it's a no brainer I wish I was. I was going to wind up cancelling for gigs, where I was making like fucking such grant, and this lady had been doing this like trying to fill the need for these weeks when needed for this week, will need you for that, we're going to go or how the fun is it that I can make more money on the road to understand that then you're going to pay me for doing this movie as it how's that even possible. I go because I mean it s when I go gonna want to do. I want to do the role I set to work with me a little bit. She got the money and close enough, and so I canceled a couple of weeks made myself available was fine, but I mean you, you know, and you would leave expect like, but also the negotiation like when you do. I would what about not just of what we want of negotiating and booking yourself on the road, and you learn about the business side and a more than anything is like I'm an eye. I swear to. God is like allow these like council has the time your whole life, even though you have age, you have matters a lot of time
still managing your manager rage at any rate or just trying to figure out or people quieter actually you negotiate again and again in a corporate gig whatever, and so like you said I mean sometimes sometimes people don't even give all the information, I tell you, you are up for something, because I don't want you to know what you do did rather have you on the rock is that's how they make money. You know said, sir. The business changed. A lot you stand up. A stab stand up will always be fuckin. Stand up its core britain. Was a microphone that it's you against the world, mother fucker and that's it and I dunno about you but about last, especially after the last couple of years. I'm telling you people come up on and on and people forgot, how to fucking laugh all my garlic. There come up in his grammy going to think so I I needed that, like it was so long ago it was almost. It was like we were doing a mitzvah for these people that were like this until the last two ns last two years has been tough on everybody like just in You could your life and different things that family functions gatherings and celebrate
So we were social interaction. Species. We need to know that put a mask on so you just a faceless, login human and you can There's you needed your papers are not an order known My papers are older check them again. You know, but I mean it's like it's crazy shit I mean it was a can you can. It was fucking insanity and so people got low everybody just kind of get caught up and people started to get back to normal, and I'm telling you like, I don't like people who came up with go man. Thank you. I do not like people needed more now than ever. I think it so so that also turns tarzan. gets me excited to do, and I I love writing on the road I like taking a bit that I get polished up and she'll go to robot. I'm gonna drop a new bit, in them by shoved, wanna fuck, you re feeling that is to create yeah to create is dead. So you get the right of appeal. As with the week go now, I got a ninety percent work. I'm doing on the paper now I've been proven woman for so long, but I wanted what I mean for me. I love.
When I put a hunk of comedy that just and you'll get every time you get around of applause at the end, People are fucking dying, and this is what yeah that's what I live for. I love that That's my shit, you know, and you are near boats yet for me too, but I reckon there. What would you do cause you, I know guys get out of stand up guy. I want to fuck it I wanted to, but then there's they put me back and you know like tomorrow and tell our drew care. I mean these guys top tube me need it. It is one it they love it. They want to do it. People always go back. I mean even like even like Delia. The bob newhart would go up and go out and do the thing rickles records, never fucking, stop the fucking day. Take a breather I think, as a a lot of happened. You know Fuck em take a breather. You get all this shit grow natural. One minute your flock and starving apartment is probably the pay rent Are you living in the house and fucking
studio city, and how did you get there? Like the guys said from the talking heads, I got a wife, I got a kid. I got a bike tire. How did we get here so for me, I had an opportunity to just sit smell the roses that I never did. I was sixteen and see what I wanted to do. I wasn't done with calmly. I just wanted to see where these changes will yeah calmly in the world nobly. No, we would die in dutch and affect the mail to use I thought so nobody fucking knew what was going on and I'll tell you this last two years same thing as long as they like. Yeah lost nine friends, I mean I love them, carlo bo mitch. Walters guys have done for years, guys who are mentors and said the same thing as if I could just enjoy my life a little bit longer. After, like durum wheat animal to do everything is half what it was like cows when twenty six hundred for a report- it's thirty, fifty and like frickin in in in like its everything's, just have one will have to kill myself.
rolling we examined a month just trying to make ends meet, make it all but a breeze occupant. If someone around a golf do some hot yoga drinks, I seem to get my chakras on during a pandemic. The richest people got the most desperate, and I couldn't understand that, like these people have money that comfortable, why they act so desperately. Even now today, when you look at instagram, look at instagram look at the people who are acting desperately instagram and go. Why are you doing this? This is just stand up. This is fun. You get helicopters to shoot videos for a fucking date. What is going on here? They have blown this out of proportion and that's why I wanted to keep it I I'm not going out like that anymore. I never quit comedy. I just wanted to give him a breather, see what the fuck I was at sea, who the fuck I was at at fifty nine. He's gonna fuck am I one minute was due time flocking kid,
happened. Somebody eventually I'm on stage with basic vegas talking about gay people, Hold down the will to build a hotel, we all want, the our big black cock would come up and spread would come on the gay people on the bottom. I thought no! No! No! No! No! That was too If before I'm doing time, when a bunch of black moods of border regions and we'll and fuck, grilled cheese on the fucking, an iron. not that you in vegas. What andrew and then you at a movie would answer you can't process this shit, because when europe why everything's going in your mind, so I just wanted to take it down. I had the opportunity to do it. Yeah, I'm happy. I did it.
I'm doing this shit now, on my terms, it's to replace dog, instant fucking kill six hours a week. You know what I missed. I didn't miss going to the store anymore. I didn't miss going to a fucking fear. You know what I really miss. I miss going to be underground on Monday night and me coming up to you. Gonna shoot me the ball yeah. How much money you got yeah fourteenth of? I got fifteen mike. What do you got? Ten? That's thirty. Five we've got a graph gram and we could split a cheeseburger between three people and that work just fine guys that worked just fine. He understand me, nobody was losing their mind. You knew what you add. You knew and you accepted it somewhere along the line.
His company got taken out of context in my world. I just wanted to go somewhere on mondays and tuesdays and cracked jokes smoke. Some joy with the guys may pick up his ass and go home. Maybe get your dick sucked by a crazy, open, mic shake I love that got the sun. Miles from me and now I'm trying to bring it back to that level. In my mind I remember like I just started: we went to college to earn dayton wage and command. It was after he kind of blew up, but I always loved damon damon, Well one, my favorite comedians, you have of honesty about a standard who was like he was like the clothes I saw a richer prior like I thought. David ways was fuckin alert and he would go with any. We go at once. My juices, though I'm gone, you bust, the arts is boss, and just as is usual, get done? Their work give another guy judges, Oh look when I click the jew
and he was going to bust your balls, but I love watching David, but he said to me something funny when I go mad and it's great, I said I'm really happy for your success. Some of that show took off and all that He goes yeah man. He goes. I gotta tell you something because I the funniest times I had was doing the stand up for twenty five bucks a night when you now people are three million? Ok now be funny. As I say, what does waste our time of horror not not that it's horrible, but I mean it's like it takes the adjustment you have to. If I can go take a let me go, take a breather, but he said it goes The fund is nights I've had here today. I wish I was those nice does well, you didn't have any pressure, you you just be. Would you The band men give us the commonest over thirty five years. when do you, like you said you, you ve seen these these different guys come through us. Like I, just love, don't fuckin stanhope, I don't eat the arena, I'm going to fly in and a fucking lear jet with I just love making fucking people laugh man, if you can do that at a high level like
I would say, as low point usually great to be a great fuckin stand up. I would like parliament- and we are he's probably more rodolfo work has now that I put to you. The twenty one fuckin albums fourteen hbo specialists, who wrote fuck and eight books. He was content Fucking monster. If I live to be eighty, Never see anybody to point out that kind of guys, twenty one fuckin albums at a lotta comedy and man he's like not to me, I mean you know that I got I watch current it. It's it's amazing. You know and nah, but yeah you that used to be great to be a great comic good enough, but now here I gotta, do you know social media It's a lot of work.
I just thought it'd be a great comic yeah. So I just wanted to crack jokes hold your attention. You know be interesting and I wanted like what you said in the beginning: listen people love when they go to a comedy, show and the waitress drops a tray of drinks and you fuck with them. If you're funny and on point people want something they want something to happen you're saying they can't once on the happen away the pass out that, just as we shall, if you bring your fear, minutes a day. You know it's a great fuck em experience and I never really was taken a rope guys like me. Can't retie there's no way I can watch tv and the data, but in no way I can reply
I feel like that illusion when I put the tv on the daytime, so what are you gonna do? We've got to go somewhere, you gotta go to the gym. I put the tv on in the data array. Yeah. No, you can't know. I was told a friend of mine, the minute you ps forty years. We've talked him into dinner two months ago, when he retired he goes on a diet that offers he goes. They want me to leave in the worst way. Don't want to pay me no more forty years at? U p s broken every record. He got every job that we draw. We broke case. Is he supervised that he's like, but I'm not staying home. He was telling me they'd give them six weeks a year and his wife gets to taste it too, with his wife, but the fall they give him. He works because he goes that by myself, monday and tuesday. tuesday you're losing your fucking mind. So this people don't want to go fishing like that in my world, youth use you what's an expression common bows anna once told me when you stop using it
You lose it. Oh yeah, a body in motion stays in mighty, emotion, stays emotion. You know. I was sitting that I thought I could fucking sit here and go to school plays and maybe some I coach, a fucking high school bathroom, that's not going to happen was going to hire me. I got a few families he's going to fucking hire me. So all I am is a dirty stand. Up till I die, I'm going to do it What can you know? You have a really good thing, as you said earlier, so I'm doing an all nighter on my time. If you have a dad that came yeah, that's the king! That's your right! That means that you're never going to hear me go a jimmy. I can you. Can you help me with this I'm doing a special for netflix and I'm trying to protect know. the fuck away from me, you'll, never hear me say that ever get. I can you look at this bed because they're coming from that, let's go fuck yourself, you fuckin, shallow month, consumption. The fact is, however, that you have no idea. You have no idea how great it is to get off the stage and some fucking witty fuck agent comes up. The uses,
I really like you said, but I wish you wouldn't courtesy than what the best thing about myself. You can go. Fuck yourself in your pocket value parking brought one another by your balls, you'll be out steel imports button eleven, but meanwhile you fuckin paper out, but then comics go around the world and put them in a bad situation. While you were at home eating fucking popcorn IRAN's got. Something is wrong. With these people I used to love that I used to love going to I is allowed a gadget go, the managers will come up, nego hate a few four o clock. You had me notes you be somebody, but you too busy to wipe out. Buttered paper is greatest second story: I'm get right. If I could take months by our on producing my spanish longer my buddy commended directive, we got there but gear set up. I'm fuckin putting well, then you go to this yeah might as bad cause. You are stepping onto this thing. Is you know I go,
yeah? Well, you said you going to do that. You never did it. You said you couldn't do that you never did it goes just so. You know we've got, we've got to take care of all right amount of sit around and wait for you to fucking. Give me permission to go. Do this colonel lloyd. I need you, u n, meaning it it. assisted at night comes there and he stuck in sit near eaten like us. fuck that to show that we took a bunch of front rose, does a line up. Go shouted flatterers, but they sign up with little said the roman women it and this very night comes over and she goes especially you might have a movie over to this table. She goes. We were using every scene here, but you could sit at this table and finish your meal, and this guy throws a fucking, hissy, fit and fucking storms out of the fucking joint like this, and I was texting gopro and former former special, I fucking fifteen minutes the fuck. Are you doing? He goes to fuck piss me off.
I'm glad she wasn't a fucking network executive, I wait. Three days and I send him a fucking emails that were done, I mean what would it would like like these are the kind of people you're fucking like you're, going to fucking. What I'm saying like all this fucking shit, all the stuff I and alive fucking produces never too. I didn't need your fucking help. You volunteer, you told me I financially have to think it was a fucking complete, fucking douchebags, but you wanted to so many money. Those people on the fucking show don't know what the fuck you're doing you. Let the charlatans lead you round, wear a sport coat they put on a chicken outfit you'll go up just like they did. The advice, you've heard these creatures, like fuckin parasitic, can even at a low level fuckin guys would just like they could get I manage, some of these comics away from the fucking become famous, and then they would fucking have to pay you off to get out of it. contracts, that was their business plan, but I really kind of we is rough road haulage
it's the kind of guy. I had like three people call me as soon as I landed it to manage all yeah, oh and it was fucking pathetic and I felt bad for them and all three of them had no clue what they were talking about. Like I, I listen I'll hear you out. I'm the type of guy you're buying lunch out here yeah. I always got something to do with quick lunch to quick lunch. I got to go but I'll give you an opportunity right. That's what you do you get people opportunity. I sat with like three people and they will with rebel who are like low level and at the same time I wasn't looking for fucking. Mr saturday night yeah, I'm also looking for a kid who wants to make his bones yeah. You know some guy, that's like you don't want to remember.
If we stopped the other day yeah. I know his speech. I talked to Joe. We manager Jeff Gatlin yeah guy. If I had him five years ago, it would have been a different ballgame. I would have slept at night, but he got out of pocket business, and when I got a job I tell them all time may as a media, where you go back and broke, but can't get If you come out of retirement and asked him what he gives you at least try to call them p. I said you want to go back to one but three years ago, right before the pandemic, he's like who's. You know like I did you see the sopranos when the father and build a house yeah daughter here, and they expect a cane and he's like I can't get on the whole, I would podgy, while showing us pudgy wealth retire with tee.
I will get onto Jimmy schubert to meet you, but hasn't worked in thirty years. Will get me out of the EU he retired about fifteen years I was Jeff Keller yeah and I was like Jeff here. That's it he was like tomato. He yelled. I was in the car with him one day he was going off on a big time, she's huge. Now he was going off about billy guide now because he believed in his clients. Yeah. It was me you got down, let the paolo, I think, the ball jason. As ali sanchez yeah, he they call them batman's villains, yeah. He said yeah. That was off. I look like batman, batman's, village and dog when this guy believed in you. Like, I didn't, listen, I loved. agents I was working with, but I really got a little upset last year I tell Jimmy when they got accused of things in these. so called agents fuck him. Run. The other way. These guys are up your fucking ass guys, wait till you hit one day and
eyes. Aren't you shows lighting cigarettes laughing at all. You jokes, but also as an accusation, from some fucking, crazy woman and they'll call you like we can manage anymore or flock unit. What do we do when we don't even look at low? Look at what look I mean you look at that you got. These are the people. I count on the economies and these people because you why, because their guilty, because they knew we're gonna need saving and you allow they go on stuff on employing your client aside, fuckin, you know, did I mean you know yea, you see some stories over the years different guys and, it's a I didn't like it anymore and Jeff Gatlin really fought for us. yeah yeah likely he ruined it. Did he ruined? Because you did fine for me. Do this cave picks me? I flew win. Picked me up in his car drives me to the falcon audition search for me? wait outside and in second draft me off, I mean like end its four poor. I got the job it was.
the rob waves when our policy will we work for like three five days, but still was what rom whims machines were robin lambs to fuck, and you know what I mean to pick me up at the fuck and airport drug we gave for me to come out and drop me. I mean look das fuck the real manager, I mean you know people go. What do you want we want one of. Finally, managers should be able to fuck and organise. Are you gonna fuckin part voiceover over gonna fuck, a movie career this day this guy should be able to fucking, coordinate and organize all that shit and also I could have you covered, you know, It's not that way anymore. I we don't. Even when only represent me up on a sunday took me to in addition,. I snorted all my pay. So he took me to lunch. he drove me this audition. That was no pay. The movie, the pay buddy wanted to real to get me another moment. He and he got me, they are the movie and I'll, never forgot him for it.
didn't agree with tight? We I love jeff gallon. If he told me something I did it, he got me into our that I was, even in the neighborhood ready. He got him an audition one time cuba went out, got a little. Fucking dempsey went to the audition fucked it up. He got them in the next day cause he said: Shubin had too much coffee, do you remember you know it was no. I was, I literally got up. I work with my accent was six o'clock in the morning and I was just I really like I drank and he was like cars. I don't know if you know how you know how nerve wracking, as you're walking in there's thirty people in a room just like a one in one bedroom, apartment and they're, like happy you just in the contract. That says, if you get picked for this role, you're mega thirty, three thousand dollars for the fucking thing, because you start get the deal he started chased. I take it because you start to want it and the minute you do that. You're fucked!
will you make it too important? You can't give anybody your power. What I say is you can't give them your fucking power. Look. I'm gonna make my choice. I'm gonna go ahead and I worked with this woman named Karen west. It was like the vince lombardi of fucking audition skills. Fucking cos she's off mate. She's. Still in l a she works, the time over damage our devious year. She played she would what robert narrow, she's a communal, whereas ivy league yale drama school just anyway: she's a great was great code but book and everything with wait like she's just you know you get a hold of a lead going to, but he did. I got on this one. I got too nervous and I was like I just no bull, I remember me, go. Let me tell you how good Jeff is. I fucked this audition up and he got me another read the next day and that's I'm telling you met, we were spoil. Would that motherfucker? and then what I want. I want other people. They were just terrible before we go. What do you think about chapelle again tackle last week as much
well me. I even know how to fucking address it. So I'll well. I guess what I d relieve. It will first have to get the dead. Do get fucked up. They broke his arm. I mean Jamie fox. Was their jamie fox, He aching more out ever before anybody and stopped on the dude and then The guy's came or not, but I mean staves chapelle manga dave's gonna accrue a party that love him and yet the guy like it was about time legs I, like the the other thing, is like that: it's the different difference between a will smith thing and that stuff's completely different. I think you know that guy but just you know, the security will be beefed up and even guys, like I talk with dino some of these other bigger name, acts that are common. You have to hire a bouncer for the downs has worked weekend now when you're setting a bad precedent. If you just can't handle it, stay out of the fucking comedy clubs really a mean sd. Look it's it's! You know I got. I got tell you, I feel bad for anybody would do that at my show, certainly wouldn't fucking. Chris rocket you'd probably get kicked. You'd probably get hit,
show me the baldwin that mic stand and then I will to just you know: a mother the chance to come up and slap? Me if you breached a few breach breach breach that fourth wall bro, I'm just going to I'm going to assume now that I see what I've seen, I'm gonna assume you're gonna do something I'm just not going to if it happens. I hope I hope it does. I hope it doesn't set a bad precedent, but it's a lot of crazy people out there a lot of people looking in the world is sorta guys mentally ill. I mean who who who who brings a gun with a knife in it? with no bullets two percent a year ago the how bout a dangerous place, because its wide open people, not you think, he's got them daytime, put a gun on the way you never said twine open to pack, you little butter.
Got on the seat. That's what I was thinking about. I know that you know it's a big stage of that guy run across to them. You don't want when you are committed. you're focused and your laser beam? You don't really see that It did not see the dish bells, a big he's a big asia. Big do just that, will listen, but he's a big do this more. Do I just want to know what you were thinking about? You think you'll happening. In the future. I hope is a complex. You know attract that certain common stone attracted. I got a knife sent to me I'll fuck and put out an aunt. I split the suit Well, it's all worry about that shit. You got day, you tell you Joe, she believe in what you believe in and that's all it would be some fucking crazy fuck. I want to challenge it. What do you know? That's not to go man with gold. I pay my lab and have a good that's what I've heard of you can if you can add a lad and maybe shouldn't com, but I think he's reported if you were to do to kind of teach a man of wellness, because you are able to not take things.
unless you have a good strategy. I feel beverage people because, like you did that I mean so triggered so easily on what the fuck are you, but I want to be trained on about the last two years way. Well, that's because europe will not take things so seriously. You now in some of these people, just like you what people just so triggered so easily go. What the fuck are you award. Nobody knows where they got it together, a few months ago Did you get and if you don't have them, you should develop them, because it's a fact you know it's like you know. You know it's a it's a it's! A motherfucker bro just live a life. You want man, feed your soul, failure our beauty and enjoy your life man. That's it take care of yourselves cock suckers. I want to thank Jimmy shubert duncan jones. because it's a fact you know it's not going to. Let you know it's
it's a motherfucker brown just live alive. You want man feed, you solve failure, everybody and enjoy life man. That's it take care of yourself cocksuckers. I want to thank Jimmy schubert, thank you for making it happen on the beautiful fucking monday morning here and voodoo lounge in new jersey Were you at next week's concept one of the values of them- donnelly comedy club, the stratosphere automobile data boss. Johnny pizzi. I understand you know, like you said, I'm doing it my own, I'm doing at my own pace now in the fuckin pace, The back of my trainer start doing cardio hit the beach man play some enjoy my life, I'm just getting like you said, I'm doing my own, I'm doing it. My own Are you bad mother fuckers? I want to thank jimmy shoe before coming over the fucking house get the slice of pie. Happy monday and I'll see you guys Wednesday morning have my back. guys always have my back, but most importantly, I want to thank my
you bad motherfuckers. I want that jimmy shoe before coming over the fuckin house get the slice of pizza I want to thank you guys for always having my back, but most importantly, I want to thank my two new sponsors bespoke post, listen shake up your daily routine with beast both in their new box, abortion collections, I because great because europe- and they send you some different. Every month we open a little kid at christmas. In always my box this month I got a tremendous whisky glass with a stiff that put the whisky in plus a one hit at a tremendous little bag. Plus they sent me a fucking crap about don t knife. It's even bigger inquired the bad than the beast blog post box. at and to you bring you the most unique goods every month there elections for every part of your life, like that scorch box, with hot sauces from all over the country to get started the and at It's free to sign up, get twenty percent off your first monthly,
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My goal of fun filled episode of the joy.
Transcript generated on 2022-05-31.