« Welcome to Night Vale

55 - The University of What It Is

2014-10-01 | 🔗

A representative from the University of What It Is calls the station to find a missing colleague. Plus, an update on the cats, the Barista Cultural Fair, and corrections.

Weather: "Catfish" by Waxahatchee (waxahatcheemusic.com)

Music: Disparition, disparition.info

Logo: Rob Wilson, robwilsonwork.com.

Produced by Night Vale Presents. Written by Joseph Fink & Jeffrey Cranor. Narrated by Cecil Baldwin. More Info: welcometonightvale.com, and follow @NightValeRadio on Twitter or Facebook.

This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
Hey. I want to tell you about two fiction, podcast from like their presence that you're going to love first there's within the wires. A unique and immersive show that tells stories using found audio from an alternate twentieth century. Our new season season for is out, and it's about a mother and daughter as they attempt to lead an anti government commune surviving on the fringes of society and its all told, via tape, recorder letters home to her daughter and sermons to the commune. Next there is the orbiting human circus, a podcast about the janitor who lives at the top of the Eiffel tower. It is back with a brand new musical story. This fall that asked the question. Does the janitor? Lee exists. He hoped so tuna to this sweeping cinematic experienced features Julian Costume, John Camera Mitchell, Susanna Flood and many more to find out. The answer you can both within the wires and the orbiting human circus in your favorite up or at night male presents dot com.
Let me be brief, lead all be Bree. Let us briefly b well go to night. I received a call today from a doctor, Sylvia Kigali, who entered whose herself, as working at the youth, versatility of what it is I told her. I had never heard of that particular learning institution actually, It happened
the name led to a comedic back and forth what what is what it is the university is what no no of what it is. And so on but eventually I accorded heard the usual treatment of any academic person of importance, which the bellowing lecture about the dangers of education, followed by a tense suspicious silent. Taking advantage of that silence, she jumped in annex I think that the university of what it means concerned about one of their faculty members who had taken: a sabbatical to investigate some, probably fantastical rumours about a strange town in the desert and then had Return
I told her that I didn't know of any strange towns. Just the pleasant burg. We call home well, she said I'll, keep trying tat if you from a scientist going by the name of Carlos, please. Let us know. As you can imagine this nurse. I mean all sorts of noises when she said that. But She had already hung up and left no cold, number Michael Jen merely but not quite swept away, storm with a shiver ring human figure, often the distance again and again nearly but not quite swept away by the pounding. Sir, I think that's it. Area code, blight, Idaho, I don't these things memorized more on this, as I agree
simply the investigation. Oh it's time again for one of our audiences most requested segments. I assume I've never actually asked, but I can't imagine anyone having a different perspective from my own, so I assume this is what listeners are most focused on its time to check. Back in with caution and his floating kittens call Shack the cat floating exactly or feet off the ground in the men's room here at the station and doing great nothing the report is a healthy kitty, going through his third moulting of the year and his fur cusp is as Ray the end and sticky, as any cats has ever been, he loves to be petted and the petting
completely survivable with the correct antibiotics. He's kittens are, of course, also floating in fixed locations. In the same bathroom and are being cared for by their various owners, Larry Leroy out on the edge of town has especially taken after one of the kittens who he has named confusingly Larry Leroy. Oh Larry, Leroy is just the best Larry Leroy said in what was either an expression of affection or extreme egotism, either way he's being a great add to that little cat and we wish Larry Leroy and, Larry Leroy the best answer, oh a word from our sponsors. Traditionally, when cooking a stake, there have been
a few basic rules to follow. For instance, sing a form of meat that is recognised by both the current culture and the human body. As food Following basic food safety procedures so as to prevent illness, not intentionally bleeding on the finishing stake, but that's just traditionally year it out backs, big, we say, no rules just right, absolutely no boots they d federal law. The laws of physics what're, you narc, it's weird here. The stake floats Sometimes the stake is and also is it so.
Amy some time the stake chair and we point the chair, and we say that chair state. And we make you eat it- that is the one rule If we say something is a stake, you have to eat it. No questions asked I know we said there are no rules, but that itself is a rule and so is void. You your philosophy, non contradictory, sizzler. The bathroom, where most places have a sign saying employees must wash hands carved land of the free directly into the wall. There is even now sink in their back out.
Bathrooms are just sealed: vaults, full of poisonous gases, no rules, we might kill you, we ve killed a lot of people Outback Stake House Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law. I received another call from Doktor K, Ali before she even spoke. I told her that I in fact knew a Carlos and explained in a completely businesslike and journalistic tone, the tenor of our relationship This is their she said. She didn't put a question at the end of it. So maybe she was just saying Carlos. They're. Not In case she told This was surprising. At the university of what it is
Send someone right away to see why there faculty member had never made it home. I said He never mentioned a university to me and she said do ever dare to speak of higher education to the ones we love which is a valid point, education is sought J, scary four billion subject that you would you're, a fool to mention it out loud gave Carlos or this lapse, or I will it is. I can get him on the phone. Carlos call me. In the meantime, I'll, let you know what happens when the folks from the university of what it is come by, and now the community
calendar. On Monday, the berries of night veil or inviting everyone in town to come to the barrister district. The annual borri stuff Cultural, fair where they will be performing. Traditional barrister, dances like the twice dip the mustache snort and serving traditional Maurice the foods like lemon poppy seed, scones. There will be a showing of barrister, themed movies like jaws and jaws too. Tuesday is a day for trying to find what you ve lost. Tear through your house dress in clothes. You haven't worn, look up, Ryan, that Bodo Tuesday. And try to get them to turn out differently. You will get her through your house. Dress.
Clothes you haven't worn and ears reenact situations from your childhood and try to get them to turn out differently. You we'll get it all back. You will finally have lost nothing. It's all possible and it's all healthy. Wednesday he's a secret Has been badly cap, thirsty, is a day of remembrance, the or you get it, he did to all the people who will happen to die on that Thursday. The city council would like us all to take a moment and think The many many people who will just happen to die within that particular for of time. Were unrelated reasons, and I
not too no coherent picture of human existence. Please the time within your life, to mourn. Those who will by complete chance begone unless u turn out to be one of those people, in which case hey You're off the hook and all this tedious, three stuff. Friday is a plan that has been poorly thought through. Saturday is absolutely nothing. You should be worried about say hulking, buzzing figures hiding in all of our attics estate. The issue today, thus revealing to us for the first time, their existence it is a lie that
spin, foolishly. This has been the community calendar a key euro who runs the only pawn shop in town For some reason is named, Lucinda does Pawn shop and today that she is having a sail on ideas about time. People keep coming by importing their ideas about time. Jackie told us, and a verse in confidence, never knowing that it was going to end up on the radio and, like I dont, want it them down because it looks like they need the money but dude How many ideas about time am I supposed to keep None of these ideas make any sense anyway. So if We're looking for a gently used idea about time or perhaps. You pond your own idea about time and are now able to retrieve it there.
Get on down to the cinders Pawn shop and talked to Jackie dont know where her pawn shop is. Don't worry when you need it, then then You will know. They could pick up was the stamping of our feet as we systematically destroyed. All of our position. Small bat wildly around the studio knock. Our microphone onto the ground until all they could pick up, was the stamping of our feet. As we systematically destroyed all of our possessions in a misguided attempt to make the world better, and our cells more happy after that. We, Mistakenly referred to Trish hedge as the assistant deputy,
to the mayor when she is, in fact the deputy assistant to the mayor. We deeply regret this error. This has been corrections. Still haven't heard from Carlos. The representatives from the university of what it is arrived they are be suited and be hatted. And be a number of other things. Besides, they move in a group of three led by Turkey Ali herself looking at everything and everyone they encounter with a critical eye and what looks like a sneer but could just be the natural set of their faces. I rush out to meet these people? That could perhaps tell me something that I dont know about the love of my life. Only
to find that law, with their recent victory over the carnival night veil citizens had cornered the staff members from the university of what it is shouting and waving household items like sticks and police buttons Interloper they cry they told me there was a word that meant good interloper. No, I said well, yes, I said because they were interlopers but good, interlopers, there was a word that meant good. Interloper Doktor K did not seem afraid of the crowd chicken, Did the naval residents before her and patted the air in a play, motion and By the way did you know that a term for a group of citizens is
Bob. English languages so funny. The doctors palm demeanor did not transferred to the mob around her. They howled and jeered, say things like remember that carnival. Let's do that again enchanting pop slogans like heard outside hers. I more than any one know that not all outsiders are bad. Most outsiders are outside outsiders, but some outsiders are great the best my favorite and these outsiders know about that outsider. Listeners ice to the mob because
The moment I began speaking my relationship to them was one in which they were hearing me. I said please let us proceed, with caution and empathy. Never tried it before maybe it'll work, but the mob was beyond hearing and they continued their advance for the first time I looked out at the basis of my fellow citizens and solve them not as friends and companions, but as a dangerous combination of suppression and indoctrination. So I did the only thing that I could think to do in that moment. If you will, listen, I said And I will make you listen, I will you all listen. Do the weather.
So I guess,
while the crowd distracted by the sudden, whether I was able to fly down,
a passing sheriff secret police helicopter, which was conducting routine surveillance operations, Jost overhead I explained to the officers inside all of whom were wearing loose fitting gowns and Richard Nixon masks. That I was in need of a lift to the radio station for important community reasons they did, respond, but they also did not do anything else. So I hustle the representatives from the university of what it is on to the craft, and we left Hostile mob listening, docilely below us. Please tell me everything Was how I casually started the conversation with Doktor K Ali she blinked.
That would take a long time- and I feel like much of it- would be things you already know she said continuing or states tying shoes operating your own tongue feeling and secure and other things you would know these things already. I clarified that I meant every about Carlos and her university, and this is what she said. As we hammered our way across the sky, She actually shouted it He heard over the Rogers, so this is what she shouted She shouted that shit. This from the university of what it is and that They have been looking for some time for a faculty. Member named Carlos who is a professed, of science has been missing for decades and they we're getting very worried. They had no,
choice but to hire a new professor of science, but it isn't going well because the guy they hired as a new media artist in stayed in collage as it intersects with social media, and he isn't even sure what science is they why they hired that guy. It had somehow made sense when they did it She told me in a quieter Voice once we had landed near the safety of the station and had decided that the share of secret police were not going to prevent us from leaving the helicopter. She told me that if This is how our town treats outsiders. Carlos, is in more danger than she thought I told her that Carlos was entreated that way that he was, well loved by everyone and Specially loved by someone,
and she said sure sure. But you didn't sound like she believed it. And then she said that there was much she needed to do, but that they were make sure Carlos found his way to safety, and they, looking forward to him taking back over the one class they have on science, big, the new media artist. Guy, is really messing it up. He said He had to go, but gay me her card in. I ever wanted to get in touch with her. I imagine that I send it Lee will. So there it is So many questions so many a possible answers and the title of that much beloved picture book classic. How many lives.
Listeners I do now. I know everything about Carlos and he does not tell me everything that is ok We are not one person how lonely that would be a couple who has made themselves one so completely but they are once again alone we are too people separate, unique? And joined only where we choose to join. I dont know what is his affiliation truly to the university of what it is. Perhaps I will never know, but I know about the taste of food he has made me or the fee killing of his hand and mine or the. Absence
his hand not mine. I can feel the distance between us and I can know that that distance properly is distance at all. Still, I think I'll go. Doktor K Ali's card handy. Just in case, I ever need her or she knows and that time may come. Certainly so many other times. I never even thought possible have come before it stated Next re loss of words, an option, of silence some noise, some noise and then perhaps.
And then perhaps meaning with night night, there good night. Welcome to tonight Vale is production of commonplace books. It is written by Joseph Think and Geoffrey trainer and produced by Joseph Thing the voice night Cecil, Baldwin, original music by desperation. That can be found at dispersion, dot info or separation, dot, band camp dot, com episodes whether was catfish by wax a hatchie, find out more at wax. Hatchie music dotcom comments, questions, email attempt to it veil at commonplace, books, dot com, Followers on twitter at Night Bell radio
Commonplace books, dot com for more information on this show, as well as all sorts of cool nightvale stuff you can own and while you're there consider clicking to donate link that be cool with you. Today's proverb language will evolve you, regardless of your attempt to literally locked away in a secluded tower odds.
Hi, it's Joseph, a my friend, Jeffrey Nigh, created welcome to night, fell back in twenty twelve, normally were the ones turning our ideas into writing, but for our brand new show start with this. It's you who do the creating on each episode will talk about a topic of the creative process. Then we will give you two short assignments: something to consume and something to create. You can share your work on our membership for him to see what other people are up. Do we want you to start creating one simple assignment added time, because the best way to start writing is to start writing, find it where ever you get. Your pot casts. X.
Transcript generated on 2020-02-15.