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71 - The Registry of Middle School Crushes

2015-08-01 | 🔗

A heist is planned. Plus the answer to last week's quiz and news about The Trial of the Century.

Weather: "My Postcard" by Toys and Tiny Instruments (toysandtinyinstruments.bandcamp.com)

Night Vale Tour Dates, Books & More: welcometonightvale.com.

Music: Disparition, disparition.info.

Logo: Rob Wilson, robwilsonwork.com.

Produced by Night Vale Presents. Written by Joseph Fink & Jeffrey Cranor. Narrated by Cecil Baldwin. More Info: welcometonightvale.com, and follow @NightValeRadio on Twitter or Facebook.

This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
Hey Jeffrey, greater here, no matter what episode your listening to right. Now, I'm talking to you from the present day and I'm here to let you know the tickets are on sale now for night veils. Twenty twenty world tour this to her features in new. Never before heard story featuring Cecil and your favorite night fell citizens that will never be told on the pot. Gus never was told him the pot cast and requires no previous knowledge of the pod Castro. Even if you are on episode, seven, you will still get the live. Show plus our lives shows bring the audience into the story in some surprising and thrilling ways. Making this a unique experience that you just can't get from. Listening to the pot cast at home check out, welcome to night veal, dot com, slash life for the full list of cities across North America and Europe that will be
two and twenty twenty and get your tickets to day. I trip the light fantastic and then I offered to help it up and when the light fantastic is halfway up, I let go and it falls again me, and the light fantastic do not get along at all, well gum, to Nightvale to start us off a follow up on a recent story
local near do well and five had a dragon Hiram Miss Daniels will be brought to trial for his attempts to assassinate Mayor Cardinal and take over. Night Veil city government. This tree oh, is already being referred to as the trial of the century and indeed could be referred to as the trial of all time, because night, has never had a trial before Judicial matters are usually handle directly by the secret police, whose judgment is above question. Then, when it's really bad. An army Leslie Wrong or in extreme cases and by the City Council itself, who might relegate the wrongdoer to detention in the abandoned mine, shaft outside of town or might just the wrongdoer
depends on whether the City Council has had a heavy lunch, hi remit. Daniels is huge and again so the city council and these secret police are both declining to get too close to him as a result, for the first time ever, we will have a fair and open trial. He read fail in front of a jury of high peers, speaking of which, night veil invites any dragons to come down to the courthouse to serve as his peers. Failing that The multi headed beings are welcome, although I can't a meeting We think of any of those except obvious dear and dear, take part injuries because of their profound belief in a gala, Terry and Anarchism.
PAMELA Winchell former night veiled mayor and current director of emergency press conferences will serve as the prosecuting attorney and high rooms. Gold head will be acting in his own defence as well as that then said the other three heads accused his head: the Violet one to stop the other heads he's not charged and is expected to take the witness stand. A guess, with the stand against his same body. Brethren updates on exciting legal story will continue, as we all tried to figure out what law means outside of the context of the disease. Bought control of shadowy government forces. And now this nurse from matters of news to matters of personal urgency. I presume To you, ah heist: Here is the mission to
three, a top secret document here are the players myself, of course mind full speaker in the mindless night, Carlos site. Interest extraordinaire extraordinary scientist, grey, Herr Steve, Carlsberg, jerk good father, maybe don't tell him Abby my sister, whom I have not spoken with in quite a while, but whom hoping to speak with more? woman, Josie, opera, aficionado and friends with powerful and forbidden beings who are handy with a lock pick and claim to know a thing or two about hacking. Finally, and foremost, of course, little Janis, my niece, and second most important person in my life. She is
the leader of our mission. She is the reason we are all involved. This, then, is the team. Here, then, is the target Sid call specifically the whole of public records, one of the most secure and dangerous places in night veil, where all public information is kept hidden from a public that might misuse it, view have gone in and survived no one ever managed to remove or even view a single document from it. So why are we trying Why risk our lives to do what is by all accounts impossible, because within that whole of records is registry of middle school crush, is a ledger that doctor
every slight swoon of our young citizens love sick hearts. This registry, like all municipal documents, is constantly up, did visa invasive satellite mine scanning Janis wants us to retrieve the registry of middle school crushes and destroy it. I will not ask why we don't have to ask why we know that a family member is in need and we act accordingly. The plan, but that would give the way bore soon whether the power that be like it or not for A word from our sponsors, today's the answer is venom box these corruption service that sends you a box of venomous creatures. Every month, last month's theme was hidden but dead.
Lee and those who survived that will love this month's theme. Fanged the impossibly quick, then Amber ex has been sending these samples. In behalf, I have I almost died. I have. Was died. A lot They are very dangerous. These boxes each individually. Curated venom Box is literally a box of toxic and aggressive creatures. That's what they are It's not even a secure box, it's a hastily, constructed cardboard box. Often the creatures escape beef or you can open the venom box. The only thing worse than opening a box to fine venomous creatures inside is opening up ox that is supposed to have venomous creatures inside and instead finding nothing then
looking around your home feeling is that a tickle on your toe You were imagining that right. To get a free sample just do nothing or try to prevent it actively, trying to keep the venom box out. It doesn't matter whatever you do. You are subscribed to venom box every month. Here on out good luck. This has been a word from our sponsors and now traffic a woman walks into a bar. Presumably she did not just appear there: Presumably she opened the door from the outside and entered it. Presumably, she drove to the bar. Pretty but please she had obtained the car she used to drive to the bars somewhere, presumably with money
Presumably she had received that money. Somehow, presumably had spent days months even years. Before this moment Presumably, she was born at some point to a mother, presumably presumably she was a child once there have been years spent in which she could not completely feed herself. There were years in which she was smaller and stayed all day in rooms where it taught her to be similar adults to the adults. They were there was a first kiss nights spent terror of the knights to come. The first vestiges of independence moving out finding a job, a decision, at some point to go to the bar. Presumably, can I have a drink? She said to the bartender. Oh
I'm sorry, said the bartender. This is the end of my shift. Ed will be out in a moment and he'll be able to help you. The Barton left, the bar. Presumably he opened door. Presumably he got into a car, presumably he drove home the radio on and playing him through the soft focus darkness of hot night, presumably- he had a bed somewhere got into it slept. And presumably dreamed. Presumably, he grew older day by day and looked at each day as a missed opportunity to live a life that was in no way better than the life he was living, but just different. Presumably he edged toward death peering losing what he had regretting ever attaining it. There was a last, kiss everything whisper cotton, but in pieces and in the most painful order, nuth were learned slowly and
the least helpful order, a basket of fruit index eating a sentiment too weak communicated too late to a person who was already gone. Presumably this has been traffic back to the main event, plans run a piece for our heist from the city Hall, public records room. The option was a grave and myriad first, there was we're getting past the guard at the door of City Hall, the guard doesn't stop any one. So, as I said, it's getting past three simple, then there is avoiding the city council who lurk within City Hall, a many for municipal entity waiting for citizens to civically devour. We will have to tread carefully to avoid it.
And there were the stairs to the basement where the records are kept. These are, very dangerous thousands people die falling downstairs every year, so we will have to take care not to trip beyond that is the thick door, combination, unknown immune to detonation or heat, rumour has it that the door to the records room could survive a nuclear explosion. Rumour has it that it already has passed becomes our only guide. There is apparently agreed of life becomes. Our only guide there is apparently agreed of lasers carefully collar raided so as to look mesmerizing cause an intruder to stop and watch them. Thus failing to come Let her mission there, our pressure sensors in the floor here,
sensors in the whole thoughts in all of our brains, the plan past, all of it, which again, I can't tell you, I'm sorry saying the plan on the radio would make it tricky to successfully perform. I'm sorry saying the plan on the radio would make it tricky to successfully perform it without being caught but it's really good. I promise We will make sure Janis gets the registry of middle school crushes, so she can destroy it. We just will never be able to tell you how. And now the answer to last week's audio spot. The differences query is, of course, the two audio scenes we set for you were quite similar. Perhaps even
and at an oral glance identical, but there were eight specific differences. Did you spot them all? Let's find out here where the differences, one? The shadow of the howling man is smiling in one scene but missing. The other two There are shrouded figures in the grass and both scenes and they look identical, but in the future seen they are watching, while in the second seen they are listening, three o led. The first seen scares me bore: the cow has one extra spot in the foreseen by The cow has all of its blood. In the first see six, the howling man is howling in both scenes. Seven,
we don't know why he is howling eight, maybe it's because of his shadow nine. What does the second man have to do with anything? Ten? The child is absent from both scenes. How did you do if you missed any don't worry the secret, These will be arriving soon, to take you to a re education camps and, after that Definitely won't be messing up any more puzzles or messing up anything or do. Anything ever again, oh just can't resist out. Brilliant plan is to brilliant not to share. I mean It doesn't even matter that much. I guess, because the plan is all ready in motion? What could the powers that be possibly do so. First
Woman Josie had her beings who cannot legally be called angels hack. The thought censor, and the mind scanning satellites so that, instead of playing our current thoughts, they play a loop of thoughts. About which sandwich play. Is our favorite. Obviously, the Mario's very authentic italian ice cream sub sandwich place at the mall. Obviously, then, Abbe Steve and Carlos all simply walked past the guard. Again, the guard doesn't stop anyone Temple. Abby used a series of mirrors and clipped lights in the doorway to City Council chambers to create the illusion of an empty. Way for the monstrous municipal members within thus allowing the wonderful Carlos and the foolish
Lee Bereave Steve to go down the stairs carefully and without tripping those too. And those two alone entered the basement, their Carl. Used a mathematical formula that he had arrived at scientifically to deduce the combination of the grateful door once inside. Of course, cordless would become steadily fascinated by the laser grid? determined to understand it, which is why It was deemed important job to keep and focused and moving. They then put on harnesses, which Janis had spent the last several weeks making from a home cat burglar kit. She got a surprise in a box of honey, not flaky owes which she had lined with bags of frozen peas, to throw off the heat sensors and that where they are now? Dear sinners creeping ever closer to,
registry of middle school crushes and to a triumphant end to a triumphant plan. Nothing can you know Oh, no somehow it seems that the city Council is discovered. The plan I dont know other could have happened. Stephen colors are still in the basement, still in danger? Still, right behind the closed bolt door. Where can they run How can they hide we'll try to sort out what to do and in the meantime I must take you to the weather.
I'm writing really asking why that is so. Why don't you leave too much lacking so like your one, but one? So why do we
returned listeners to a heist complete. This was not a heist of action at all It was not a heist of diamond tipped, drills or advanced electronics know this was a heist of words: heist of fiction, It was a heist of storytelling and it was magnificent further no hacking by Josie and her friends. No mirror held by Abbe, no absurd mathematical formula devised by Carlos and knows Steve. Thank God no Steve, there was none of that, Carlo old woman, Josie Abbey and Steve are safe at home. Having never left their beds. In this warm still night, I created their action
I created their danger with my words and I delivered that you're too you that was the entire your plan, all of it it was me here at this microphone telling you a story, a story re about a successful entrance to the well protected vault of the whole of public record Kurds and in spawns to my story: the city com, so rushed to the records Hall, flung open the vault door, deactivated the sensors and alarms and charged in to Capture Stephen Carlos. But those two were, of course not there to be captured. The only person who was there having avoided the danger of the stairs by safely taking the eighty eight compliant elevator down and having waited patiently in the shadows for the City Council to Russia,
I enraged and opened the door of the vault for Her- was a very clever eleven year old in a stealth wheelchair of her own design, she waited and when they had passed, she followed quietly after them and while they searched roaring- or intruders that weren't there she slipped the registry of middle school, she is from its shelf raw. Old herself back to the elevator and was gone before the council had even an inkling that they were chasing only figments of my imagination. It was, despite all of my misleading words, a two person heist, an uncle who can
hell, one hell of a story and a niece who can come up with one hell of a plan, Janis too, the registry out into the scrub lands and there in a royal that has not seen water in many years she lifted on fire and why the smoke pass up through the ever green leaves of the Joshua trees. I dont me. You know why she wanted it destroyed, although perhaps I could guess, but I won't go I only know that she needed my help, and so I hope that before everything, before even humans. They were stories a creature. Fire conjuring a world with nothing but its voice and the listeners imagination and now me,
and thousands like me in little booths and rooms at MIKE send screens all over the world doing the same for a family of listeners connected as all families are through the wiping, clean or the gradual decay. After the Astor, there are only a few creature or whatever happens next after the wiping clean or the gradual decay after the after, when there only a few creatures left- there will be one at a fire Telling a story to what family it has left. It was the first thing and it will be the last stage to next- for more stories being told to you all the time
whether you are aware of them or not, welcome tonight. Rail as the production of night veil presents. It is written by Joseph Think and Geoffrey trainer and produced by Joseph thing. The voice of night veil. Welcome to night veil is the production of night veil presents. It is written by Joseph Think and Geoffrey Greener and produce. By Joseph think, the voice night Cecil Baldwin? Original music by dispersion, all of it He found that dispersion dot info or at aspersion dot band camp dot. Com
episodes, whether was my postcard buy toys and tiny instruments find out more at toys and tiny instruments, dot band camp dot com and go see one of the singer songwriters of that band. Collins summers in his one man, musical this August in New York City, Steve Doc, you musical comments, questions email, I sat info welcome to night fell dot com Followers on twitter. They'll radio checks, welcome to night fell dot com for more information on this show, as well all sorts of cool nightingale stuff. You can own and wider. Their consider clicking that donate linked dad because of you. Today's problem I had a dream in which cow sized pugs existed. I was a train and one loped along outside my window I'm sorry your dreams, earnest good.
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Transcript generated on 2020-02-15.