All I want to do this now area what the bloggers, what the bodies, what the fuck it hears, what what wads, what the fuck nuts no as that one. I did get an email, though right out of the gate. Small request of this will get to mark, but here goes hey marked first off thanks for their weekly pods are great. Listen when I'm walk in the class study into just hang around in your pod casts you say hello to people, scientists, people driving, etc. Wondering if you could give us struggling college students a shout out on a par Thanks again p s, I think Listen do interview a James taylor, twenty times sweet baby, James thanks for everything, ben Ben ben. I don't

I don't know what you're up to dude. I don't know what you're up to, but you struggling college students. This is your very special shout out banned you in your peers. Don't waste all four years of the time, you're spending with money you ve borrowed that you may never get to pay back because the system stinks don't He stood are just so o. We need and joy. Engaging going to class your focusing on what you should be doing. Here's this is the time man, here's how I fucked up Yet this is one of the great fuck up, so I want to come and you know what I made do I didn't know I do for four years I was able to cobble together some fuckin major because you I just by went with my interests, so I was able to cobble together a english major with a focus in a romantic. literature and a film studies minor, which you know that

allows me to do in the world this, so I guess you struggling gouged students, don't waste time. Don't waste that money. I know there are no guarantees in life but learn how to will buy what you want to be great about yourselves. You know you got into if you just thereby in time thinking they're gonna, why your brain would some shit that you can use? No, sir, no man pow, look out. You shit my pants just coffee dot call up that was a classic ad brought. You buy me and copy written by me. So Ben Yes, I'm gonna called thank you for asking thank you for noticing that my yeah that my my voice is a little compromised. Just a little tired, I think, picked up a cold. Also add Daniel clowes in here who was coughing all over my garage still a genius still a great conversation, but nonetheless did

coffee bit thriving. I think I've got graphic novelist, cold virus germs coursing through my system. Probably being very creative within maya within my veins, my brain among lungs. If they are the same ones that to have found their strength within the great Daniel cloud. Who will be on a show in the near future. Today's guest is Al Lubell. I an forget about about banning any get back to it. Al Lubell bell comedian Yet AL bell was was pretty pretty important comedian to me and many others early on he's gotta. Let me just say I want to make sure I get his dates right, friday april fifteen I'll do bell, will be it the throckmorton, theater and no valley, california doing his so low show how alone and he will also be at the club house tonight. Here in los angeles, on vermont at eleven locked tonight,

gangbusters at the show they have over there. I think it's a improv or sketch show that debt be doing some time on, and I think that you should take the tunisia, see our albert, work with this name. Lotta elles, not my specialty, owls Halloo bell is very unique and singular comedian. So singular and so self involve. He might have just fallen into himself completely to generate this one and show is doing, but but a it's more about our later. But let's get back to Ben Ben. You wanted this attention. You want the struggling cartoon attention. Please please! If you're in image police studies, something you're interested in getting it? Yes, the teachers era that that can probably fuckin your show up for you. No, it you want from them. This is no time to be figure. Now: how to add to vape, while you sleep, ok, there's this no time to be, you know, necessarily

you're doing mushrooms for nine days straight and then forgetting your name and in winding up in water somewhere. You can do that you're saying: don't waste it man, if you're, if you're not can I get a degree, the means anything at least get the education that willa. Brought in your mind and get you interested in creative about other things. That's old mark talking the young people and the only way I know how look I'm not saying do. Drugs can knock yourself out. Just don't knock yourself out of the game, dig Doug! So, so badly happy struggle away with all your friends, I presume You listen into the show, I'm going to answer on friday to join newsome join in and was mentioned right here on this pike ass by anti sandberg, her husband and it turns out

We should do many interviews, but she's gonna come talk to me at some point. So I have a madman. Immersing myself in her in her records and she's one. People. You listen to her once in your me, an man I but then like you're, like by weight, she's she's, touched she's touched by genius. She some sort of savant of sorts play. her harp and then he kind of sit with the record a little longer new ike holy shit? This is the thing: I've ever heard sobbing listenin to allow join a nuisance and turns out my girl, sir kay the painter newer back in the day they were buddies. Sarah came the painter, had a self publish its de of joanna new sums that she found for me, and I got that even if it's available on itunes, I don't think so, but I was able to rip it in listen the at that free, blossoming? real of johannesburg but anyways long story. long,

I you join induce him tomorrow, night, ok, so let's get down to brass tacks or turtles or whatever. It is that I mention I we admission creek festival, england, theatre in iowa city, I went on Friday April eighth did I mention that I will be at the weekend go theater and lincoln nebraska on Saturday April night or did I mentioned. I will be at the artist bank theatre at the midland in Kansas city, Missouri on April tenth come on Kansas city. Let's make this happen. Can we ha ha? Let's make it happy so, so from here on out just mean you talking, I'm going to ease right into AL lubell. Okay, just telling you that right now I want to talk to you about the buzz does that were involved in this role together in this buzz narrative. That is due. am I Yeah, that's coming through my photo,

I wanna play record in my office, so I MR, my landlady Yolanda, who called eighty anti because, as I told you before and basically sitting inside his cell tower. that I didn't know about, but then I started to think like what is it safe? Is it safe to be in a cell phone I do you asked the Yolanda about the woman who had the office before me and she said what you sort of a conspiracy there's some like when did that dart. How long was she in that office? What's going on They have that many people's conversations ploughing through your synopsis every day through radio waves in the upper end, your personal at tropics. How are the electrons Outside affecting my personal wiring, so the anti sent electrician over today I went over there today. Her yesterday would be. If you listen this on thursday- and I say I sat with him- he's like working track. It man was track down and was able to isolate all the different frequencies that actually go.

That sell tower where the machineries above my head, and we just there with the fuckin buzz going seeing if anything changed ass, he sat there and shut things. turn things on again up from his computer to the cell tat? So I guess I need apologize a little bit. Anybody who has a t and might add might have had a little erratic connected. The around dumb nine thirty they morning yesterday morning in island park area. I guys if you missed any important or any cause dropped on you, but I was too and resolve my problem with my inner would to play records clearly through my receiver, so Hope I lose any jobs for anybody in nobody an emergency call, but here's the deal after about an. I am happy to say that I was right. It was eighteen teased, noise, come

through, I dont know anything's. Can it be done about it, he's going to recommend they replace that particular transmitter I am going to keep troubleshooting a bit, but that's what's causing it in the meantime, got myself a few rolls of copper tape and some aluminum fabric and am waiting on some copper mesh. So you know I'm going to fucking nail this shit the fair day boxing is still viable, but it seems complicated because I'd have to make the entire room box now take that would take a lot of copper, taping, aluminum, foil and dumb, and people would conway this and think I had a math problem and I don't want that. I want them so right now, I'll Lou is very unique, performer very tat. Dead man very interesting comedian. I did one of my first weeks working ever and probably the mid eighties,

whenever the how he just was touring after he one star search. I think he won the third season of the new star search, and I was in tucson arizona. My recollection middle for him, and I was like this guy's got balls. He's show introspection and neurotic in such a specifically a specific, and charming way that if your car, give yourself centred at all, and you watch how you like- oh my god, yeah he's really now and all this stuff- number at some point. You, like, oh my god, he's nailing it too much like I e in the you kind of crave him just to talk about ice cream or something or something outside. Of himself, but that's, not AL style, and I run into our sporadically over the years wearing different forms of sweat, pants and hoodies and carrying- stacks of yellow pads and their time I'd be like concern for our be like. What's going on, right buddy and be like yeah. Yeah got a room there.

yeah I'd see him in new york. Then I saw him, and then I ran into him out here in l, a on the patio of the comedy store where he was doing some work at his computer. Look little unshaven by working? Well, and I say words talk: let's do it yoke, he's. Ok, I'm ok so again can see out before I talk to a mere you can see our the three more intuitive mill valley on April fifteen, through in his one man show, which we talk about our alone tonight at the club house on vermont at eleven. Night for the gang buster show, and I am right now. I enjoy a slightly tortured, painful, a talk with the without a bell bed, but an honest talk without a so am I There's me an owl Lou bell, I feel the endless can with it's your choice, right your choice,

canvas outright, but europe also can become can't can't full at any time. I want you in a second. You can just can yourself right so gives me the option. I have less anxiety today. I know I can you can plan yourself make of the cancer is at a term that you ve, created canning. I've never heard that put the cancer on no there there, cancer is, I think it's old timey radio talk. Where can you get cans, I think canning is in that context? Is not that often I I wouldn't say that someone wearing headphones is canned I think that we might have explored that today. For the first time are you did you brought it up? I'd ever heard it be. Did you create the term by an an old radio yeah I've asked before it radio stations wider I have to wear them. Do I have to wear them? No one's ever said put the cans on Why don't? I believe it really is a term yes, and how do you know that you have looked at opera, I guy what I'm in radio for a year and a half of that right with the added some how dear and have two years- and I think it somehow became the

One thing my aclands yet now it's definitely a real thing. I okay, so yeah it sounds cool. It sounds like something radio people will come up with it's like a cool sounding term like a jazz santa yeah, yeah, your cans exactly, but so what? What is this record? You have in your car thirty years ago I had the saw, you ever see me see me sing a song, I'm alibaba, my alibaba. I think everybody has seen how labelle singh is AL lubell at some point america, witness that at some point Did they yeah? I did it an evening at the improv or comedy clubs, yeah yeah, but did you do it on star search? No, cause. They only give you two minutes in the songs. Thirty I've seen you do that song for thirty. I think I've seen you, I think, there's some of us out here have seen you do the allow belts on when it's working right where the alarm for awhile if I went out plan playing montreal comedian friend of mine, he was up there. It was the closing bet, the song yeah, and he was watching me got tired of watching me or we just laughed. He went downstairs to the bar came

from the bar I'm still doing the song yeah, because I added clothing. I started taking clothing off during the oh really. I did that piece. Yeah you're, just going to stretch out till it could have taken up the whole set yeah in theory the magical. It is the whole set now Lou fully alluvial right everything. I promise this goes through our bell head and I have to place myself at the center of everything that is happening right, but don't communist Do that all right, I just go a further. Everyone goes for everyone's hair at every turn. Right I decide to draw attention to the fact that annex the idea yeah and how does everything implicate alluvial right? What's the song it's just sitting out there on a record or on a cd on a forty five, it's thirty years ago, or forty five or forty five, I like vinyl, yeah he's coming back into a vulgar like an idiot. I haven't you storage. I can't run of order. I can throw things away. Are you really a quarter yeah? It's bad. I mean like barely some asean. I ain't

I hold old new york times editorial pages, because I think some day I might read it, the I used to do that as you can look around eight thirty. but now I there's room this weird deliberation around stuff like that, like prince stuff, like even if its age gap. If it's about me like after a certain age, I'm like what am I gonna do with this really gonna happen with this. What do I think what tension of my nurse This item is this fee because, like a somebody, find this stuff and go like all good they're here is an article written in a you know, a saint weekly arts paper about. Our marin there, he capital verbal. we'll put that the library in the archives with the rapporteur that what is that stuff, we really define most of being just go online. You- have been a lot of it, isn't and a situation, they may put it in the library, yeah

I will, but it seems ridiculous that either pardon me that sorta like why not not put that in the library but will also. Let me see, I have a little old pieces like that too, that I can't throw away. But it's almost the sentimentality like this was written about me and a sentimentality. It's like it's a horrible. I wish they didn't write it because then I'd have to keep it right, but I do think it's garbage, but I have a problem throwing garbage, whereas this stuff out it's in public storage, yeah and it's getting to the point where I can't afford to keep it. when we were in what state here I was here I have to stuff from my mother's place in florida little facility in assisted living yeah, but I have a big thing where I went to england like a year and a half ago to do stand up, and I put all my stuff in storage right and solid stone storage and staying at a friends house he's letting me stated as nicer. So it's all stuff and is one storage and with all my tons of boxes of thirty years of crap near you know- and I gotta start throwing stuff out- and I have some of that. I dont know how to deliberate that stuff, I've a fantasy of

getting rid of it. I think it be liberating to get rid of it, but there's part you think it is what it what you know, what what? What's your fear around getting rid of, Well, you, the fear, is that I'll never see it again. someone else who has always who has time you want to know why you never highly ever year. Weird like people, there is a saying which is give you. If you don't you something for a year, get rid of it and the whole facility he had saved elsa money are totally, I know, but one might well. They say, but you know there's other things too, which is I haven't heard them, but I'm sure I have ears cod. I'm not your dick. During the day on Google, we can feel like hold on to all your blog is possible. You never know when you're gonna need that added torreon. Actually, I've said, when it was when he are you ve.

If you go down there and pull those boxes out yeah well, my day, my hip hurts and acars. I should get hip replacement by the way we we've started right. How old the unit is where we started. Yeah yeah. Isn't that kind of wordy? How old am I now as opposed to how old are my then now I understand that yeah I mean. Obviously, input implied in that question is now. Are you evading the question yeah now? Am I evading it now yeah or you're behaving as I am. I didn't want to talk about it. I don't like the whole current I'm embarrassed concept of a. I feel age, wise I've. Let myself go. I can't believe I have let myself get this old, oh yeah, well, yeah! I don't have that much control, but by now I will say you look pretty well. I've heard that but look well for an old guy. What will yeah, but there's some As you have known you get me, you just told me, you did it's a forty five thirty years ago. This is beat unhallowed. I was when I did it. What you will. Her.

Now we're using. I look well for me, like you, see me at other ages, using I've seen you and other agents senior different lengths of hair, seen you in the streets where I've been concerned? Yet this like, like they're, there have been our lubeck sightings. There is a period in the loop l, a timeline I think will where we many of us are like wears out bell then you'd show up there is my pants and you ve got some legal paths it'll be okay and then you get on the stage and you'd. You know you just nail: he just do your ally bell thing nice, but I must say in you: I am impressed. You have a good sense of a person being in trouble. It have you know. How can I help out? Now you you're good at picking that up very I was impressed. I was impressed with your ability to see me then in union square that time

our food. Our cars, like I do not think I ran into you ike actually in the area like walking on the street and I think you said, and I you know we don't have to talk about unaware. You are rapidly. I said what what are you doing and you are if you are living at it as sorrow. I think yes at that time, yeah right there and I was concerned, then I I think I went back down to like Boston, comedy club or something like I just went into. How does the school now with him, and we were like Halloo bell yeah using like in it s our always walk around the sweat, pants and lie. Comics are like where the comic pour out that I have no idea, There are many of us. is of us who you know you're your particular like what I the guys that I know- and I don't think I can name names, but we were watching you because there's something about the the honesty of yourself involvement that makes no comedians specifically sorted score me,

it's like, I think, we're all him inside have we just you know we really honest with ourselves involved. We are. That would be us, so I think people that always loved watching you and air always happy to see you. I dont know. Why did In my mind, there's or obvious, we don't know you that well, but I know that, like when the hell was that it must have been in the late eighties, when I middle for you, I featured for you and tucson in them. you been on like that, first tour, or so after star search right. Ah, yes, and like sir you are, you know you had that juice like star search result in fewer shows like that fewer tv stations in a lot of ways so immense can you got a lot of momentum? You want it right. What year eighty eight you'd one star search yet short hair. You are you an entertainer, your mirror yeah you're, being an entertainer right in what sense

like I mean really your to gear, you together, you had an act, your moving towards Thank you. How do you know? I mean right? We allow bluebell closer was fresh at that time, right right, in I remember hearing is like he used to be a lawyer. that's what that was what I always like. Really he just left me now lawyer to do this and he won star search, that's wild story or I never thought of it. That way. Why was yeah? I was a lawyer yeah. Well, there's I've known there's been a couple that I don't know if they were full on lawyers, but you know geraldo, I think, went to law school and then that guy, I plant, I think, was actually a practicing lawyer. Wasn't he I dunno why I remember that guy right why he might be a lawyer again, I don't know but where You come from where you grow up queens new york. Really might what part flushing fresh meadows, a really airy. I dunno, if you know a union turnpike ST john's, if you are in there you're just a kid and queen,

I can. Coincidentally, I was reading that you know wayne diary or how do you say that yeah I'd recently yeah the guy or, I think, dyer yeah? He wrote that book your erroneous zones and also did he write. I'm ok, you're ok are now I don't think, there's another guy but zero tonnes about yeah bally about you be about your mental spiritual sort of africa, affirmative health, stuff right, you don't read that stuff are now my altitude. I read some of the stuff like I like eckhart, let you know him, someone gave me the library and didn't they were like just just listen to it. You know why you're on the train or whatever, and I listen to about ten minutes of MIKE nah, I can't not gonna interesting, I can't I'm on my own journey of self realisation right. That's. I don't want to get cluttered with that, because it like there's always parliament's right now this I realise? What, give him the Earl no they're not going to believe the mythology of this guy right It's very healthy, I think, has like we use of male energy. I have female energy, no offense and attacking all females.

I was raised by females, mostly my mother and grandmother. My father slept, ah ah, and so He worked nice yeah, so sleeping yeah. So I have this female kind of energy. I remember a friend of mine travel. We travel across country when I graduated law school. We both left law school, came to California, yeah and, Lee. I had you not whenever we needed directions, I want to stop at the gas station when we lost and he wants to figure out himself rise, DR here we can figure that I could figured I'd know at stopping the helpless guy, since we are told em stopping and asking our totally. I went to anybody for the answers I have this week, clingy codependent thea. I am no one would ever met leaching off someone's energy, I'm nothing. Why think? Maybe that's why I relate to you because I feel that, like I know, I think that they, like

Thank you. You might be too hard on yourself because you I thought I'd. Just as I said that I am exaggerating I mean there are other elements bona rio like it. I feel like there's. That's that's a sort of emotional vibe I pick up on, but for me like looking to you, your vote, very well defined human like mygale. Yet that's all you, probably think, like I'm floating I've known you will not connected but like see you know our about. You know, as is very define, guy like a unique guy, but here you know it would probably feel like you're disappearing half the time. Yet but we in the sense of you see me walk industries and it s our own. Now, how find out my their work with all had problems right Well, you know what I mean, I mean things, you know: go off the rails at different levels for different reasons for all of us. Over and over again right I mean you're you're, not unique and in arcadia having train, go off the rails that

I guess I'm just gonna jealousy. You don't need a cartel. We had. I do you, don't you ve decided. Now I don't know I don't as we need, but I just like I like hearing him tile. I like him is aids not pushing it. Doesn't he's not pushing he's relaxed and I I likely says I don't you ever listen to him in a while. I read some of his stuff. What my my thing has been that, like, I think a lot of things that make you feel good in the moment, but actually, dressing, yo core issues around how the brain or how we're wired? Emotionally, I read other stuff it's usually clinical, some some some stuff. I read: I've read books on co dependency, I've read books on love, insects, addiction, I've, read books on practical they like, brad jive. Now now I don't read those kind things out our read this sort of like broad base Tom right guy, I read young, either clinical books or books have action in them.

No, I p m melodies book on co dependency and yes, sort of the breaking down on how the emotional dynamics work and where they come from and in what to do to decline. Then, if we behave differently, I see what you mean act had his epoch have act. Well, I mean there's there is sort of like you know, there's questions that are asked of you too, to help you define whether or not you fit this profile and then there are sort of things you can do to stop You know cognitive, we changing your behavior and mental pattern. exactly you're, a man of action. Every guy. So, like I'm wired like that, like you know, I you know, that's that's where I get a lot of the basics is because I I've done some recovery games, sober and and an end and that that method of self awareness- and so actual and and end and action you're kind a they have their different applications for your codependency compulsive beer.

Well, I'm sure I have co dependency and o c d and big narcissism, but there's always been a big part of me that doesn't want to change that afraid to change. That's it. That's the most horrible part that the hardest part right, because you don't really have control over of wanting to or not radio. Yet you can force itself to want to. Well, no, it's not I am sure you want to buy. I don't want to do the work and also I'm afraid of it right. Who would I be right without my my bag, a shit. I can you imagine to be anyone but alabama right. That's it! I thought! Maybe you could you like, maybe whatever, wherever you stopped emotionally you know you could keep. You can start moving from their yards. It's never too eight out of you. I'd, be fourteen, I know bright, but you could, while she was tall man emotionally pre adolescent, not even adolescent. I lost my thirty five at the time and I say sophie, I'm in a pre adolescent. I mean adolescence kind of the thought of adolescence kind of scares me a little. I mean he just kind of adult better

my point is that I know I am afraid, but yet could be using. I could grow emotionally, but will we be indifferent me, the who I am now is who I am now if I change emotional? Yes, I'm still me, but it's a different me and I Diamond idea, I would get hung up on that. You even people that involve a little bed. Yet it's not going to be like who isn't guy you're just can be little things were look. I'm eating by myself. I know I know, but I'm not ripe, That's him! I don't care about other people. Looking at me saying who is this guy? I'm thing you who I don't want to say I don't I self, don't say who video we will get that lost everything now you I mean I have grown inadvertently. We only through the end of life by having to end its mapping, I bet I am different than I was years ago and I've gotten over it. Yet there's a sadness for I feel sadness for the person. I was heavy heart yeah that guy's dead a lot of the guys pretty much dead. I feel sad for me now that my idea grieving thou, see you yeah yeah. Well, so I t grow.

Ben queens. You got what sisters now brothers now you're the only one that wild I've talked only children before, have you think that can put his app on your head summer? Sure like how well it is being why my mother wildly it took them like twice here's to have a kid. My mother was like thirty why my father was forty one. so my mother's. While everything me me me me me in right sense that my father was little angry. I unconsciously, I could sense it your relationship with it with our relationship with you, yeah. We are being totally neglected the extent. Usually that happens anyone a match, but this was such an extreme me me me me me aunt em, one time he Titus spank me or something and she almost killed. She was furious. Don't ever touch my sign up! Well, yeah they. So it created this awkward he's too sarcastically call me the king and you know I mean

it's me I approached me- has his age- tells them stories. Airy might one person she I didn't want him. One man shows that sounds adult. I bet you can't say one we shall not be accounts. Anything you want by yet one person, jungle story. Yet, while ye me You type I mean to say one of the story. She's to serve me. Food in enjoy seventeen and also tv channel for me till I was seventeen It only ended because I went away to college, but you know can, but until seven I got channels to have and cannot have, and that says rarely got to stop our message. Rather, I gotta stop. I got channel nine and I just hated that channel night owl and that just whites bags, as I shouldn't, be giving indy like a thousand it, keeps guy china live. I keep pushing archy play. She go fuck yourself, really storm which he and the next day the same thing happen so hell that you keep pushing her during this channel, changing ritual or until she like

So there is party you that wanted to detach. I guess if began. so angry two breakaway yeah, oh sure, sure I felt that I dont consciously and realise that being that we have pushing her way we're trying have a boundary right. There were no boundaries right. There, sir, because I can relate to that. You know I do that too sort of like well, I didn't know- maybe that's another similarity we have because of my my mother and father were not overly attentive, but I think the relationship was weird I felt like. I was like you know when you said before, using someone else's energy in a way that I think I think my mother was sort of like completely yo had a shape, sense of self and kind of used me as an extension of her, so the boundary you know- I mean it wasn't about me or letting me have my own life. So worried about everything all the time she just sort of. I just became this emotional appendage that she would process things through.

Do you know what I'm saying and our eyes to fight with her like that. You know like there was like there's nothing you can do like it. It's almost like a fight for your owns the identity right. So this one onto your seventeen, but like what were you doing in school and stuff for you? Do you like ostracize? Were you a freak where you had? Did you have friends some friends, but I'm over there was a cool group that created the cool kids. I am not in their group. Ah, I dont think I wasn't it because I didn't study that much I wasn't. I wasn't really in any group yet mean either inside. I wanted to be with the cool kids yeah, and I I got myself into it by by having them laugh at me that did yeah. I know that one yeah Will you you you could uk, because you are so adaptable and without boundaries you could sort of like, your charmer humor yourself and almost any group right by the sad thing, what bag. I would make fun of me:

staffer. I would do the stupid thing and have them laugh AL lubell about it, so it was like. I had low self esteem, even though I was happy. I was accepted yeah I was accepted as the clown and not even the good clown, not even the smart, witty clown yeah, the idiot I was accepted as the idiot into the group know, so I got closer. I remember one time thinking when I was leave like it was springtime vacation or something that I'm going to come back different, I'm going to be a different person and and of course I couldn't come back and I never changed. What was your plan at that time? Do you have any recollection how you are going to be different? I remember one time not that spring one, but I had a plan one summer when I was seventeen I'd get really in shape at the jog as I was over when I was husky. I was little having area because I owe a too much hd hostess snowballs, all the time at her over those winning coin. Tapioca ives total, my mother, would you give me. Whenever I want it, I never went to had come home. She stepped, I call them goodies and where the good sneer and she had to have them in the refrigerator waiting for me and if she and

one time it wasn't in their fred. I wear the goodies and if we are forced to take me to the bakery to get the goodies I agree that when until seventeen through you pretty, but you characterizing yourself as this weird little monsters- child, oh yeah, why the total master, but with yeah. nothing is ever more, you asked me how I decided to change. I remember so is a summary I went to way to a bungalow colony with my mother and grandmother and seventeen like an adult, summer camp? He and now a bungalow. What is it bung? Okay was next to the hotel creatures was a hotel and the cabinet allows adding hats in the bungalow colonies. Where people just rent, a bungalow right for the sum. If writing minds right and there's activity tourism activities, yet none of it. So will you guys very jewish? I mean that's a very jewish thing I think has become more jewish. Now I think it's just the orthodox jews ago, though they'd be even back. Then it was like middle class middle class

which we were conservative me at all, but immunity. Oh, you are part of it, the jewish committee. I was bar mitzvah, an idea, but it wasn't, I would say very jewish amelia. Looking at us, probably thought we were very judea, and I feel that now looking at you re right. the hair. baker button, I grew up. Young conservative do, but I got will out was in new york, but that's like a pre specific yoga. do the hotels at all or up there to the cats go right. Did you see comedy? yeah. I remember I saw who did I see. I can't remember the names of and he's coming to my, but I know how to I think I got the idea. I wanted to be a comedian because I was so is the only one of the few times There was like seeing people happy. My famishing unhappy right, arguing yelling at me out, even not even now, much arguing yelling. There was not even that enough enough communication on that level. Nephew clare of yelling they address cohesion allowing their awkward silence.

insane me yelling, I was yelling demanding a bright. I once hate him minute here that this is already so did right here because we never. You know rag, steady, welcome to the podcast the ideology joking, but I may I like I later you give just the idea person. Writing I do that later yeah. I gotta worry about this. It's kind of embarrassing to say that. But this is your thing. This is you love this and I believe, if I ever had, I said I'm trying to have a conversation. I'm just didn't. Wow yeah just tried to talk to Al Lubell. He was the first time we've ever sat and talked. I imagine this right. The first time you've ever sat and talked for for awhile with somebody. No, I have talked for awhile why people is because I've said I'm a kind of a leaky kind of guy, and I just want to try to get people to help me. So I can that by I'm a little offended this the longest, you talk with me that you have me and showed have a conversation with me. I'll see you When I see it

I got happening like a weird co, some sort of happenstance, where you wander in from somewhere. Now, don't you know we have a car, you you have to use the abbot that I do and then we talk briefly on what happened. You wander away. We yeah we're kindred spirits. I know that like if I don't wander away- or am I never was know and you'd be living on my couch, you once did offer in new york. I was impressed by that. You did say if you ever need a place to stay yeah, and I didn't even ask you yet and I didn't need a place to stay now. But why feel bad. I had a good point to make know you're about to say something about: oh uh yeah. Oh my god. I feel bad. I reminded me yeah. It can be that bad. It's not that bad, but I wanted to fake sideburns cause.

Oh, my god that was the big yeah. So you what you are when you're like why the fourteenth is seventeen a seventeen. anytime, you want to take side. Noise. Eighteen owes a freshman college. You want to fix it doesn't want to look older hit puberty like eyes We have inherited the arms at like fifteen as anybody, nothing in the testicles yeah and I was afraid to take showers in front of people because they would see a hen had puberty looking back on it now, a kind of in a way the I never play too. How great a moment was when the pubic air came here. I thank god, No really. I never really wanted it because ideal. I want to say a kid relay We might say that's that other bad thing they sent me back. I never want to grow up, or even one as like four, I remember being jealous of a girl that with one no yeah. That is a you have yeah, so lucky and but where you want to fix,

it burns unless yeah well, because I wanted to fit in in college. I wanted to look older, so I wanted I research. I don't remember how I research of a family with seventy five dollars for fake sideburns yeah you go to a cosmetic cosmetic. They do theater supplies theorist. so I need the money. I had no money in work. He and I had no side demanded it from mother. I want the money from excitement for fake cyber it. If she didn't want to give me the money, yeah and I do remember being outside in a parking lot outside a restaurant and pushing her against the wall demanding fake sideburns for really pushing her yeah. I want fake sideburns and you're taking me there cause down the street they're cutting queens. Now this was in maryland know how we had moved to maryland, and so I pushed her not hard credibly like while right I push striking and I got em, you got the vague fix, rings and women. But this shows, I think, is an example of my fears. I'm like a halfway canada,

half way. I wore them, but I had long here like this year because I wanted to cover up my face too People wouldn't see that I wasn't shaving right. So I we're them underneath, but he never got to pull my hair back to hmm, so I wore them underneath and what happened was the glue irritated my skin after a couple of days and I was breaking out into pimples, so I wearing and where, ironically, the pebbles, maybe look a little older who's, the pimples, because I wasn't Any even accurate was a gift. It was a gift. What was against the pimples? in other sideburns and work out, but the pimples came and yeah they may do you have it. I came up with pimples in last fully last for two three day. I never and I it took me a while to get pimples yeah, but real pimple right there were real pimples yeah. They were from an artificial source. but my point is: I never did where the sidelines near by What's my points, all you when you call me a monster reminded me You have announced their demanding have takes I'm. But to remind me: u s

me: how did I want to try to change and right exactly yeah, so I was I'm going to get in shape cause. I was overweight and I used to play basketball with the cool kids never as good as overweight and pudgy in and by was a decent player later running when my point is aids to jog every morning to try to get a shape. An ogre used to smile at me me as I was jogging by his house, and I and I saw him at a party at that bungalow colony one day, and he goes you jog really good and I was proud. I said thanks legacy. Age are really good for a girl and I got one: I'm not a girl, and he goes yes, you are, he was older, is like seventy five and he start I felt he felt threatened like his eyesight is failing I felt I had to defend my gender sailor sent you wanted to take a shot at you, bastard. No, I don t really see well because eddie, but also that heavy right, no facial area we- and I could see

You know when you're pudgy and you have a little breast yeah yeah. I could see how you could think I was a girl right. So my point is you know I came back. I was the same. Guy didn't change over the summer. I was afraid of girls. Remember they try to. I don't kiss a girl totally twenty, and I was scared. ozma, and when I was seventeen it upon locality like some fifty zero girls set me up with a thirteen year old girl on a date I remember, holding or how do you seventeen january? Is it we go. I was I mean now that old hands now Mrs lulling, I was terrified. I was terrified. Anyhow, I never in it. I remember, reading things in a camp here. I think those working history wholly, I think, goes out however, we are scared of a thirteen year old girl and seventeen sized is terrified of everything. Fear the has been my biggest problem and what your father you, what he did he have is on farmers in queens. He did for a while.

yoda pharmacy with his uncle and then one has like five or six. They sold it nancy up till five or six. My father is, present. A lot in the how I mean he work, he worked like twelve a night there, yeah, he had self esteem. He owned a pharmacy yeah, but then he started working out. The night shift in manhattan. And he was home like two or three any wasn't the same guiding where I was a kid I did note was coming and I lost his own pharmacy. They had sold it with a high, both sold it, but he didn't own what anymore and I think that depressed him and he was always trying to buy. In other words, the ebony never did, and I saw that angel. My fine, I saw him less and I think it is less of a. He was depressed Gideon own one anymore, you For some reason, why is he gonna yait ideas, but your mom storeroom? My mom is yes assisted living. She cognizant, Yeah she's got alzheimer's, but it so, I hope she's not listen, just think she does people those areas not think they have alzheimer's I've said gone through that you go down there,

yeah I do, but she knows who I am still she's got the kind words she knows, I'm good Did she tell you? Do yell at each other not that much. I'm ok when I'm around her she's annoying but put your job. but I got out and get jacket. Your jacket shall say it looks like your jacket, Alan your jacket, but you do that all the time This is a new thing. You know she's always done. That's not even that It's iverson yeah nah as not. She sends terrifying to me. It is, but not really I mean she's very if you met her you'd, really like her she's likable, but actually, when I'm around her, I'm okay, it's I don't like talking to her on the phone, but, it's no. Yes, I should so you're up there that the colony. one on any see comedy and it resonates with I a little comedy. Yes, it did resonate, you can't remember the guy you'd. Probably do time ago there was a yeah. I remember like back a I'm. A

Alex six years later, when I was in law school, he was playing some club locally schaefer, something eddie shaffer's. I made that he was like a catskills comment. Haha, I don't know. If I saw any fe, I don't think I saw any famous comics, the only I remember. Tony bennett was there at the creatures. She coaches was not like that. On cord regrow singers, the rag where the arch of the little boy- oh yes, I didn't get the big right it jerry Louis, had his own hotel called brown saw. So I never saw those famous guys, but I member from at solving it? I, like malaria, what's his ally, english by the first commuter remember we have from the island to ya from long island right and so that was an influence, survived by is why, right? What a great he did. I letterman sure you did it forever. well, I didn't write till the end right sure you throw that it I wonder I have is. If his wife did survivor, I don't I don't know a aggregated couple, maybe I'm wrong, but so what

you decide to go to school. Was that something your mother? tell you to do, but we're just going quicker. look at the board, you looking at time Just make sure the levels are good because I got it like it. You know like sometimes I've got to adjust the levels. Okay, so what was law school was or why? Well, how'd you decide to go to law school. I mean you sound like a guy that couldn't do anything right. Well, I could I got good grade the squire ninety plus average I'll guide yeah I was, I wasn't. to study or as a last minute kind of three bright guy, I guess- rose bright. I didn't you ever think of myself his bright mord I gotta, learn writer. I was First year, university maryland Kai father was Can I didn't know it. They lie to me. So my mother wanted us to be close to my aunt, my mother sister, that family and that's why, de maryland here for the freshman year end they want I want to get away from the family side decided because of set. I wanted you receive miami yadda lots of party school,

yeah I was, and I wasn't ready to party cause. I hadn't hit puberty yet and we hadn't hit puberty at when. Ah well, I don't know what you mean. I mean I hadn't played with myself until I didn't star play myself totally twenty. Why couldn't know about it? No, what what? What? Where was it? You d grove debates hotel, well, yeah. I think so. The way I do my mother and my act, people say reminds that my life that lad, that's how I do my life. I live for you, island Someone when reviewer described it as the base, I mean I was reading jerk off your twenty, twenty, so sorry, well, it's even worse and that a guy who turned out to be gay convinced me to lead him, by the way, this stories in my axe. I feel like I'm doing my act. I feel like weird I'm I feel like an petition.

Like I'm raping my act. No, no! I I think that that in in a best case scenario, there'll be a few people out there would be like I gotta see the show. Alright, that's true yeah, okay, but not if I do word for word, but I write about it. I really guy doing it where for work. It was to make a long story short. I was such an idiot. tom, I told my shrink the story. I convinced me to let him put his mouth on my penis yet, and I thought I was get years later. I was how I thought: maybe I'm gonna let this guy do the korea events we set out if you're gonna play ways off. He is my best friend whose three or four years older, the maiden nay, said: look if you're gonna beat you ve, never play we yourself before. You really should start doing this. And I'm gonna want only says: alypius player yourself, you'll stimulate the what's. It called the hormones and start shaving I gonna work. He does just play a pass and start playing music off. and I did it I started- I couldn't do it cause I'd, never done it and I was scared, says I'll put my hand on it. Yeah I was not any. I said what are you gave us knows. I got. Ok

and I ve come to me, I guess words be glad in that area. Where my point is Sally, and so he puts his hand and make a long story short. I won't do the bit word for what you want me to do that, but the bit is essentially I'll. Do the bit. I don't care at this point. So he puts his hand on it. Still nothing happened. Yeah it was. It was okay. I don't want to do this. I you think I don't want to do. A b obviously needs stimulation up. What I do so I'll put my mouth on it. Out of luck, I'm not in more. I just admit to me as gay: if you met you again, luckily you're touching, but don't lie to your get yeah, I guess I go okay, I was at, and so he put his mouth on it yet and I'm looking at this thinking, you know he's either gay or a really nice guy guys threads after and yet that's a whole long stir I mean you, I was his roommate. I became his roommate, his house and yet it was like. I never you now,

how long story that happen again. It did like two other time. He convinced me thought it's a whole launched. I he he convinced me. He took me to jamaica with him out of it. and if we were playing in the pool- and I dunked him- and he said I gave him a heart attack when I dunked him cause. I dunked him too long, because I gave him a heart attack. He said you have to you're going to have. I let me put my mouth on it. At that point, can I not realize he's gay like? I still think he was gay, but I felt guilty how do I get my focus was almost killed him instead of this guy's gay and you know, he's dead, manipulating you who needs to put their mouth on appeal, because you ve got auditor. some kind of resuscitation I've never heard of. It didn't even occur to me. That's how mentally damaged I feel I was from childhood, so gullible the whole world was going to given to me. Ma'am do anything for me, like my mother would yeah. You know like yeah everyone's looking after me, yeah even straight guys, will suck my debt yeah yeah It's all about me. It's my gift.

The world boy. Yes, What was your for? Outside never master, so he anyway, that's. I began masturbating. Remember the first time I came, it was huge amount with a muslim and exciting. Now really, his well? How how intricate him, again again, this day, and when I came he was there it's not! That was the first time in like a he had taken his eyes again to credible d, I onto others in the shop he had already taken his mouth? He just started out. I didn't like it and I didn't want him to do it and stop then on my own, I meant yeah, I came but the clap or anything he didn't cut, but the point the fact that he's in the room, I think it ruins that feeling. the idle talk about boundary euralia. You definitely had yet you give me your definitely and in a little bit of emotional. I confusion in this guide seemingly took advantage of it. May I see

right that whatever insulation and end emotional sort of protein. Is he had we, your mother, dim preparing for the world at all? Exactly so is so he dunno, how long that relationship lasted or if he still talked to that guy I haven't in years and it lasted. I got my first girlfriend and car I'd won president of student government in college. Oh really, so you you you'll, add despite yourself, it sounds like you had some you met away with people that you could you know get out in front of people and re and talk to people in and I in that you know when you were able to connect and be funny that it makes you feel, empowered in a way yeah, I was good speak. I guess I gave good speech and yeah. I won the president of student government. I remember feeling pressure like I'm now, president and I've never even kissed a girl once so how'd you meet the girl. It was I was running for president. My vice president treasure, the guys in my treasure. He knew

the girl. He was a ladies man, so he introduced me to her and I was the first girl you kissed night kissed a girl previously one too, when I was twenty. I was this was late twenty when I met her but her mid twenty, I kissed a girl previous adecco. Ah it was brief and was okay, yeah, but nothing nothing there and. I do remember, and I did kiss another girl I do remember. Actually I didn't have sex with her, but I do remember kissing her ample out where you want to talk about these things and you talk about everyone. I dont know what I want Well yeah. I I'm being abused here in a way really, as I have no sense of self. I don't know authentic you may anyone talking to me is abusing the intention, an interesting idea I'll bet

get away with that shit with me. However, however much you don't know who you are, I do I don't know I don't do you know who you know you don't, and you must admit this uncertainty to everything. No one knows where there are certain points out. We got pick it apart all the time because, as when's that point one, but you are and what is that certain point when you you, when you're exhausted and your life becomes difficult because you destabilize yourself constantly right? This is too that you know with self doubt an and insecurity in the more you shovel coal into that fire. can keep burning down. You know and it is near and it's almost done What does that mean? Well, you know what that means. Yeah. This is a cry for

I know that your entire career has been a gripe. I know I wouldn't even call it career. Necessarily it's a clause like, let's get into that now. Let me finish. This was the point with the questioning of I dunno. If I should say well, I went down on her the first guy ever. Did it and it's not even a good story. It's not even interesting, but the point is she confided me later it was a urinary tract and not her clitoral that I was looking at cause. I dunno I'm doing sure we gotta learn its hard. It's a hardware, an incredible that one takes years right and I haven't spent the time at it I haven't done it much and yet, You have a relationship with a woman in college, yet czech girl called,

yeah. There was a girl, I'm afraid to mention names. You don't have to mention names where he had sex with her and stuff and it went okay. Yes, oh by the way, you're talking to me now cause you realize you're dealing with a metal casing yeah. I knew that going in yeah into a corner, but it's a little more intense than you thought. A little more exciting is that I feel like I'm being ikea like I'm, not a I'm, not a professional, and you know, usually I can sort of move people through their narrative, but definitely of point during this one. Where am I I don't have that yeah. This guy thinks any one on one situation is some sort of therapy. I dunno. If I can guide him with my own experience right right, well, you ve been the codependent rat. You, you read all the books, you you're and I've read these action bucks mark yeah. Why don't I action ireland? You? I really tired, like you know- and I know the like it's an extreme, but I know that discomfort. I know that the going of not having a defined south of not feeling like, like your,

without having somebody else acknowledge your or or want you or or now want to engage with You guys know what it's like to be. Your painfully possessive at of emotional needs. I don't understand. I mean I've been through a lot of that stuff right, but I envy you or is that, where I dunno, I guess envy is a nice word for jealousy, but the you have many more male energy than me and so you're able to do things and take action. I I I don't even have that part where that all comes from anger. Most of my male energy is anger. Based ryan Steven Wright's great got a great line. I think I read something like depression is anger without enthusiasm, yeah right you got anger, I got depression right and so that's why I have a hard time getting things done yet admiration. I beat myself up exhausted the idea. You do a little that we also have anger. I want your anger.

While I agree that I'll have you know, you have to adjust the start, turning it out and other people, I know, but I'm, but that's not good therapy point it's like use how you can help you stop being yourself up and not either or yeah, bitches too afraid to do that. I'm a timid We know that your mother, I'm comfortable with that, and I was then that I was comfortable beating her up, because I was a thick umbilical cord with never cut so I was connected and ass. She was slave and I was her slave. It was the master. You know I was also a sleigh. She creative. She forced me into masterhood near forced me to be her master. And so I am all that was uncomfortable. You, your house paths, king at home, the whatever I wanted, but in the real world labs is timid, shy, frightened furious angry person that I was such a wimp yeah, all that's gone inside. Yet so you you get to where'd, you go to law, school or university miami and you graduate with with a law degree and you went into practice. I was a lawyer and

I came out to california to try comedy, but I figure I'd do law to never done comedy before and you came out, I dabbled in it in law school. I won this best comedian contest in the whole university as some kind of kind that flew me out to california here. Ah, and I perform it, I suppose the comedy magic club me I'll, get her eyes yet and I, but I play basketball. I the gong show when I was out there in miami, and I carried the gong to the gong, show yeah the gang pulled, my back out and I play basketball here. When I got to California, I had a spasm and I couldn't prefer I didn't get to perform at the comedy magical. My point is dabbled in comedy a little and all that was in law school. As I came out here, and I was too afraid again to move to l a so me and my friend moved to newport beach an hour south yet and so I started being a lawyer there and I started getting some spots at you: just got a job at a firm yeah in newport what kind of wall

the he was a small firm and I mostly dead drunk driving cases was mostly drink driving is, I feel good about it. As you know, I can't it's after the fact you get the feeling everyone did it me. I know I'm not! Is that illegal then now say that it's after the fact it's, I think, you're, fine, okay or any more alright, but I didn't feel fun for me. You know, and so I at night I would do comedy where the laugh stop and cuddle in newport beach. Back then, in the eighties and so yeah man, you are getting your chops doing laughs gone over here bomb a lot to just horrible. Am I wanted a bomb that comes to mind? Was I thought this was funny for some reason I walk on. I don't walk on stage I crawl onto the stage and am crawling crawling to the microphone and I slowly get up to the microphone I go. I am a struggling young comedian.

I got nothing it to conceptual. I guess right, yeah, that's and that scared me ain't got nothing so then I start rushing into my jokes and because back then you know I got scared, I'd rush, you know, and so of course even my joy so they had back then in work, as I'm rushing and also this awkward moment that an even acknowledge, nea and acknowledge why that didn't work. Nothing is, I got scared. I have the guts to take that chance. That takes a gut two. I ain't doing calmly long either six months takes guts to cross for like a media, but eventually it seems like you, aren't at a pace yourself, exactly how you want to. I mean that it is part of starting out the panic right. So what so then what what leads to pursuing it as a career. What leads to me pursuing his career, also. Can I wanted to be a comedian and comedians that I would emcee for it the laptop some of them. Like me, three took some gigs going out with comedians, not with them, but they were recommend to the clever feature. Act. Yeah featuring an ide.

around middling and they pay for travel. But if you got connected a few, these things in texas yeah middle right make some. If you're doing alright yeah, that's okay, one of the first that was kind of cool I medaled for seinfeld. I couldn't believe like normally don't take action and do things, but someone said call this club that they might give you data. As in the calling of many and the guy goes yeah, I have a week opened yeah and you go open for jerry seinfeld. I go wow. This is so I middle for him, and I got to know him all illnesses like the summer of eighty five and I played racquetball and with jerry yeah out there on the road yeah yeah yeah. It was interesting, nice guy, very nice guy, that's nice! He liked you. He liked me, I think, and he was I he. Let me ask him all his questions. Remember one time my questions remote said to me any more questions though he yeah. He liked answering questions yeah. I had a lot of questions now and then I'd say like out two in the morning, get out of my room out. He never did say that he might. Felt tat, I remember being in his room anymore,

I felt I remember we were watching ronnie shakes member nature is funny. Yeah very funny. Had great. I remember one of his jokes was I bought a watch very cheap watch it just as now. He he yeah he's funny passed away yeah? Well, that's interesting! So then, eight years so you're you're working as a comic and you're no longer do in law, working as a comic and no right yeah dabbled in law still a little, but then I realized I was taking a case with me on the road I'm in the funny been working on a law case right. I didn't feel right. It was too much I couldn't focus. I could barely focus on one thing right, not to think so. I quit the law so that like eighty six and then I started, and then I got good that one I was on the road for like fifty forty eight weeks react when you're a constantly everywhere and my friend started out with comedy with me.

Dan and his quit. But he saw me a year later he couldn't believe in new york. I was doing a spot and he couldn't believe how when and I had an act yeah after a whole year on the road yeah, I think what year was that it's like when he saw me in eighty seven right right and I suddenly had an act right so like I was the you know I was just kind of starting out then so we probably did the evening at the improv around the same time, while the amy, I think I started gimme the programme be after one star line, and I like there was a big push where it was, in all the time, you're constantly taping- and there were all those shows yeah caroline's comedy hour evening at the improv comedy on the road mtv half hour, yeah, all those we are all doing those and you're all in there. But so when did you say you did star search what year I did star search. I want in the fall of eighty seven, so I was called the winter of eighty eight that's a big deal, then it wasn't so MA am who is kind of, but not thou much. It was the fifth year of it. some money. I remember the first year with the big deal, brad ere. It wanted to address your idea of serbia's hundreds.

it always ended up blowing it. I bought a house. I shouldn't buy and trust my instincts I I could have bought a house I had made the offer was accepted and then someone told me you are not the homeowner type, which is true, but I backed out of it. Now it's worth millions in the hollywood hills. Then I bought this house in the valley with the money like an idiot and that went down in value and then I lost it on it and but you were touring his headliner yes, but I wasn't really ready to be a headliner in I mean I good night, I was bad nights, I wasn't and I didn't have I had the material. things have to go well ahead of. You know how to get me, yeah am or This club on any really is to this day, is kind of you, I'm better at what I'm doing, but I spec split occur I would not yet we are you're a unique thing. I thank you, but it's hurt me on on the road because As you know, if you not well known, they really want the guy just to do the job right. I've allotted dick jokes right and do the job and make everyone love you and I

and so I get in trouble. If everyone didn't love me and so tons of clubs didn't want me back, you know, because every there was always a few people who just hated me right. You know so I it's been a problem and but is that what sort of started to chip away. yeah me yeah, yeah yeah, the lack of work and then at the seller. The commune new york, I started doing well yeah. I remember yeah yeah, but then I started losing that because I started like trying things out. You know you have to Try here and also its being pretty clean, I wanted. I was challenged by being not saying fuck, never yang, fuck, and try to be really having smart, jokes and and I would get in trouble with a later night crowd that had heard a lot of sexual stuff, and then I'm sure I didn't know that one yeah were you like. How am I going to follow that yeah going up? How am I going to make them think we ask, you is that you did not do were right. There exists. I lose spot that debt as totally to present from being one of the guys. They got every spot tat to nothing.

if you did letterman and stuff that came years later, yeah I mean I did. The tonight show a carson. I was when I got on right before he quit. That was really good, and then I did a few atlanta like with six which a lena yeah up until like ninety six and then I try to get it I finally got a letterman two thousand one yet donated fibre yeah, you do I'm so You did a like a lot of big important stand. You ever see me on letterman by the way yeah. Okay cause. I was curious. One time you said to me, I saw you on I didn't maybe you liked it now. I always like you now, because one time you can I say this here now Why no more- and he kicked me off the show- now I'd work- I've been an asshole. before I die, I wondered why? What did you? How are you interpret what I said because I temperate everything that guy now so it might be? when I got it. I said: oh, maybe both and I'll tell you exactly what you said to me. Oh, I think this is what you said

I had just done letterman and I had done really was the first time I ever did, and I add I found out years later, I found out letterman said to someone that one of the best he had seen by anyone that's the way. I'm not saying that means it was the best, but you said I saw letterman, I go. What did you think of it? As I said, I thought it was pretty good. He goes you went really. Ah ha was a joking Now? I think I'm joking, maybe maybe not, but I didn't take it. I take it like. I took it now. This can be my negativity, but I took it like I did for a guy giving shit to your guy. That doesn't want to me to be confident and his ag looking for an opportunity to match. Maybe this can be my narcissism, but it could be maybe you're a guy intimidate. With how well I did and wanted to put me down alone. That's probably right right, jealous yeah yeah yeah you were doing great. have you you won't work what am I couldn't get on letterman at that time I see their year.

You know what I mean I guy uniting do the tonight your car and you were a big act to me in I loved what you did so yeah. I was probably a little jealous and I probably was being a little bit of a bully and I'm sorry I don't know so I was right in my intuition was in, but you had nothing to do with you by which has been a dick naga there, Knowing I like you, I did a good job. Your great I'm sure but it was great yahoo, inches and railway job regret. You said you did a good job. You agree. I, like you, tell your highlighting always happened like I had a lot of friends into two other men. I was the guy going like why the fuck can I do. I don't know you coming out to mean declaring that you did a good job, no waiting. I didn't know you said I saw you on letterman. I said how did you think? How did you think you did? I say you asked me I didn't tell I know that doesn't sound like. I would do that now. like you said, had, doesn't it sound like you could say? How did it go? Every comic says: how did it go yeah? So I just being a dick and that's not unusual, okay, and I'm sorry for that. That's what I think I've made up for You have also european opinion by kicking me Harry

of course you I'd you. I applaud you had now that's nice, so what what ultimately happens, and after this wave of success in doing all these things, to get you to like s oral. Ah, we Well, it doesn't sound like you had a drug problem or anything else. It just sounds like you had no choice but to be exactly who you were, and you don't give yourself enough credit for that you're very defined act and you're very defined person. and a lot of it comes from your in securities in whatever weird yo emotional. wiring you have, but but you like not unlike me, you can't do it any other way and in that that sort the curse of an artist on some level any and you know- and I can go either way and there have been times when before I start this buck s, where I was the same I couldn't get work clubs. I was definitely not for everybody and I wasn't even as articulate as an act as you are you Why was not that? Together, I mean you were very together act

when you were very deliberate, you you had an EU had them jokes, you knew where you were going like I when I was chaotic, and I had the same fate that you add in that. I was definitely not for everybody. I made a lot of people uncomfortable for different reasons and by the time I started this thing. I was pretty death. So is ultimately what happened while you know it's kind of, Is it but I'm jealous of you again. I know that's go. You have male energy of action. I hadn't. Idea of when I was living. yes, our real of wanting to do a talk show from my bed in this little ass, our own having people come up, but again it's hard for me to get there like. No one is Google you mike I only have action out of desperation, I mean I, I think, you're overestimating my male energy. I mean, like you, know the what I did with my charisma or what I did with my talent. You know was push my out there in in a sort of over the top way. I was very angry act. I was a very sort of like. I could have act, but that's not really, who I am a mamma hypersensitive, insecure guy, just like you, I just like it,

Obviously, you figured out a way to get in front of people and and and make people reckon with you. I just did it differently, but I don't think a different. I think you're over debating my masculinity. I mean I do hope bits about like I call myself an alpha dormant, wherever you you know, I I I don't. I don't think I'm like an some alpha, dude I think we have more in common than you think it's just my act is my act lot in life and on the stage at different points, where I was a lot more aggressive, but are you he out of desperation? sure I do have one here tonight and you have gone here but not money why you could have on your parents from not really after a certain point they blew it. They blew with the blue, the mighty. I know money, not really. No, I mean yeah, you know when I got divorced. I had ask my mother, for my. My dad hasn't had a money for a long time, but certainly when I was younger, they had money, but that you know I haven't really stem from money, except you know once When I was in the middle of a divorce, I had asked my mom: did you get me over the hump,

and you know and she helped out, but I I really somehow or another of me have found a way to make a living doing this but see that's that's I am jealous of that because you have the dignity to not, to just ask when you desperately needed. I would always ask my mother for money and she would give it to me. She wasn't wealthy, but she would give me and now she no money now I'm desperate via where, but is hearted b, hard to be done. When you are older and you can hardly move, so what are you doing yeah? What was your earlier? Quite you had a crowded at the end up in the fairly self explanatory, the work dried up, oh yeah right that worked right, but you know back to earlier. Quite yet it. How did you make it to the us, our I dont like leave any question unattended. As these questions are about me, ok and I feel and being neglected when you leap over question, No, but I know what's my point, my point is and I get to that as Sarah. I don't know, do any need there. Really,

me like. I don't even know how to do. That was two thousand to two thousand wine. No work. I just trance right go from allay no work to new york, work no work go back to allay little. What no work I keep moving. No work, no work yet does not. I couldn't headline clubs. I tried cruise ships that don't work because they weren't you clean clean, but they never say clean and not dark we're on clean and dark. yeah, you know forget talking about my hatred of my mother. It's clean yeah. You can't do that. I mean I remember. I have a joke at an hour. Go, I guess we're really trying to say as I hate my mother and I it gets left as it's out nowhere after the I got a decent laugh, but after an older, I comes out to meet the cruise shop. You know there are women here hated that joke that you hate your mother. We don't like that that you hate your mother, and so I wouldn't get back of just a few. People complain on the cruise ships. Forget that so that's a yes or no money and I'll. I guess I must say in my defense. I didn't go to my mother for money. So that's. Why

as an arrow. I wanted to suffer because I have this masochism and self dislike a lot, so you wanted may be the at grown up. Yeah try to be grown up and living in us are oh and it was literally a. I have a joke. I'm accurate, but literally five feet by ten feet. Literally five by ten I found out later rooms legally cannot be below eight by ten. He wasn't. Even a legal room and jail cells are eight by ten and saw. I was living in this five by ten for like six months. and how did I get into it? Yet no work and I wanted to get writing. Were I never wanted a right for others, his the narcissism we I don't like to give up man. On the same. Why do I mean like I'm were very some more in I've, always liked you. I knew that there were ties were you in trouble and then he started doing the one man show, which I believe I saw. I don't think you did. I don't know. I think I did some really be in new york. Where'd, you do new york, he I did in your. Did. You come to some people came at another. I feel like I came wide started doing it thousand nine. What's it called, but I was alone the acting alone, but

thanks. If you can't, I started doing that and then I did get on this ice. Edinburgh. I did that if yeah right so that site I've got some work in england. I did get some work, you know the time of the year, I hung up and I was running out of work there, and so I came back here and I'm getting no work here, virtually nothing and I'm something I hate saying that, because I've got a few gigs coming up and one of these gigs here this and figure out this guy's not getting Well cancel those gigs now hold onto one. We can take anything you went out, but do you feel like you're you're bouncing? a little bit? Ah yes, because I must say I think a little because why? Because, while some guys helping me with wants to sell my where men show us to try to put our he's vill taping and wants to sell it like a great, so let's get vienna, so I feel in that sense I am bouncing back, and I must say I think you know I must admit I don't like to admit. I've grown up a little, but I think I have grown a little. So I'm a little more of a person

even though I were I'm at, is pretty dangerously bad, I'm more of a person and I think I'd rather be more of a person this way than rather a less of a person with money, yup, mana and also, I think, look duty. It takes time. Sometimes it takes what it takes and he had differ go at it. You know emotionally all the way through, but it seems like yourself away this is a little a little more expansive. In it in a more proactive way, then just sort of light it's like when you hit the skids and you hit bottom you've got no choice but to look at your fucking self. In a way like I can't go to my mother from she has no money, so I actually can I've never been in the situation where I couldn't yeah so that that's waking me up ok, that's why I'm happy to see you and I'm glad we talked out. Thank you get well, that's a stretch. We get a really good had different yeah. We good. We gave a worker thing right now. I would like to sing you a song about myself

how you do my name's lou bow after you this little sound, when I go to bed it bears.

When I make two, use bread. We have a birthday. I always ask where she's originally She tells me The whatever I play basketball, the star to bow and have always always gather they're gonna break.

But never do lucky me. It says I think I'm having a hard time, but then I boo and I'm okay, the I'm really embarrassed to admit the that I'm human does everything everything. France gives him with a girl,

it is disappeared. I'd like mick Jagger, never the

now these are present. that's me

Is that the the it's the year that was Al Lubell, that was the AL lubell song. It's called seven hundred frequency beta sector of the forged on the roof, my building the roof in my office I'll be damned I will. I will win through shielding, I hope is a compliment hope is income burma

yeah