« WTF with Marc Maron Podcast

Episode 737 - Robert Kelly

2016-08-29 | 🔗
Robert Kelly is at the point in his comedy career where he can't help thinking about what's next. He's on the FX television show Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll, he's touring all over the country, he has a great family, and yet he keeps wondering what happens if it all goes away. Bobby and Marc commiserate over this shared experience as well as the ups and downs of being sober comedians.

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This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
The guy! our I let's do this. How are you what the fucker is, what the thought bodies, what the fuck and ears what the fuck's there's what's happening on mark marin? This is doubly t f. It's my pod cast. Welcome to it. Nice- to have you today on the show, the beauty. Flee sensitive and filthy robert kelly rob, kelly, is here at I fucking love robber, Kelly, he's he's on sex and drugs and rock and roll the season. Finale actually airs this thursday september first on effects. and he's great guy, so look forward to that. That's happening also. Something interesting happens. I work. I get a lot of records. I get a lot of people sampling me. I get people asking if they can use pieces of the podcast for things and usually I'm at cool, it's cool with me doing.
appropriation, move it out into the world if it fits, you thing do it, but this has never happened. Is a band in shrill north carolina, I believe, is where there from the get it right band and they actually wrote a song, Why actually wrote it in a way I call wrote a song, they wrote a song using some pieces of my monologues and things they sang in everyday. I sing on anything, but it's all my words are put together by the band. They get it band and they recorded it, and this He's called, however, broke in. It is ammo play it the end of the show Instead of me, you have me playing guitar right, so that's gonna happen. Couple of Thing some business here, personal business, you have until this thursday September first to get my special more later for seven. Ninety nine, its available exclusively w tia pod dot com, is a digital download and we'll be on itunes. In september, for a little more dow gotta diabetes.
dotcom, there's a link right on the homepage under today's episode, as well as in the march section. Also I leave carnegie hall will sell out my november fourth date in new york at carnegie hall tickets are are going well, and I am hearing from people that that there it's it's gonna sell out and it's a cup months away, so I would get tickets for that. If you like to see, if you'd like to witness that my I'd, be the end of every thing. For me, the carnegie having don't know how I can follow it. So what it goes well or kay, or great or horrendous, whatever spy the goal happens. be it, but I doubt it. I doubt I doubt it. I I I'm I'm just being dramatic. I'm trying to frame it in a way that to elevate its importance even more so I can. I can really be hard on myself as I go towards
that I'm going to be running that set the ninth and the tenth of september, I'm going to be in rochester new york at the comedy club. I'm doing four shows there. I believe the father's going to be one of them because he's out in his car with his wife driving around the country, that's what they you're doing by I don't know how those tickets are selling, but if you're in the rochester area come down, I'm working it. I'm doing the thing a right so so that those are the immediate ones on the horizon wetter Oh yes, I remember my girlfriend my significant other, my partner. However, you want to say it, sir Kay the painter she's got big show of her new work in new york city, the eleven new york city and you like the art you like the painting, is a big is a big deal man, she did some bold shit, the show Cobb. Our matter has
nothing to do with me. It's a september with a gallery long de l e R, I e gal we ll long. Our e l, o and g september, eight dudes, and ladys induce women men. between whatever you are. This shows gonna be spectacular. She pay the floor man she painted the fuckin, for I don't You know it's a whole other world, but I ain't. I know she was workin on it or the big giant linoleum pieces that she put together she painted inner studio and then shipped so the entire floor gallery. The long on september, eighth is gonna, be a painting and then can be paintings on the wall? It's gonna be skinner, be fuckin wild man. So, if you're in new york September eighth gallery were long d matter paintings by are a cane maya, my
with her. You know I'm saying you know what I'm saying what else? What else can I tell you about right now? I don't do this often, but I'm going to do it now. I'm gonna read a few e mails are a few parts of emails because Everybody seem too of the air the god freed the godfrey shorty, as I call it no godfrey came in here to plug, is a show too special but their people, I like being godfrey. This is from my robert subjects, more godfrey mark merit of a big fan of your and I've listened in nearly all of them. I loved listening to the Godfrey episode and enjoyed his return idea. To say that it is my favorite episode. I think the kernel of a new podcast or television show are there Have you ever do make mark ever literally shits, on god vries career in dreams? I guess I'd be the name the show. Let me know the subtle, insulting barbs from you and his reactions have me rowing for all time is spent on your show so thanks rob and thank you
for that email. Yes, yes, mean godfrey. Have the thing that we do there, there is no doubt about that. and it is always funny, and then here's an using thing because another approach to it godfrey interview from a tie. Subject line. Godfrey interviews can read this section. The reason I right today is because I just listen to your interview with godfrey. It was funniest interview and ripping I've heard on your show, yet it may be think about the racial tension in our country. Right now, within the city and state that I live in atlanta georgia, it was extremely refreshing to hear two men of different races identified, relate and joke with each other in such a comfortable, candid and jovial wade is my personal opinion that you should strongly consider godfrey suggestion of having him on the show regularly to promote and cultivate a message of hope when it to the relationship that occur between people of all walks of life during this time, of tension and uncertainty as to the future
our country. It would be a welcome to breath of fresh air thanks for your hard work and dedication to preserve a message of honesty and hope that from tie Ok, I guess it's on me and Godfrey. I It's on our shoulders. We're gonna have to figure out how two to save the country just by busting his balls, who who knew that it had that possibilities. Of course it does, of course, free and I can can almost single handedly change the course of this nation. I like the idea that I'm also getting of emails from from conservatives and I know you're. Your first saw it as I know, shit the other guy, their fuckin there, their dog, and he had there not they're, not alive, them appreciated my relative empathy on my sort of a poetic inter imitation of why people vote for trump, that's that for the roseanne bar interview,
and I've had several of these emails from conservative, basically saying look where disappointed we are you and I think differently, but yeah, I'm a conservative, you're you're, a liberal or whatever that day, this is are, but they they want to make it clear they are not on board with this disaster sk. I wrote a very thoughtful long email about religion about this, in that this fella named brandon, but this paragraph I thought I would share with you. I wrote this Well to let you know not all conservative support this idiot and I won't allow myself to vote for him. Although I also see Hillary as a bad choice, I don't see how I can't vote for her based on the fact that I cannot support trump because he is outright prejudice and I see him as a severe setback for american general. I'm not the only one who feels this way. I plan on raising my children in a world where they can.
Look around and see everyone treated fairly and receiving their treatment based on the decisions that they make as a person and not their skin color place of origin, sexual preference, geographical location or religious beliefs. I realize it's a pipe dream, but it would be a good world if we all took on the you be you and let me be me tone to things that aren't harmful to anyone's health and well being I just read. That section is, I think it's important sentiment. I think a very important sentiment to try to think about. Not your anger, that may or may not be. The cause of a mess a car. But make a decision that may have some bearing on the future well being of the country, and the people in it Not let the worst of us dictate what the rest of us will be subject to
now. Look I before I bring Bobby into the conversation Bobby Kelly. I gotta tell ya. I I love Robert Kelly. He's he's appeared on. My television show. He's also appeared on louie show is obviously in sex, drugs, sex and drugs rock and roll he's again comedian very sweet man, and I think the sweet man part gets lost because he's such a character, but man Jesus he's always been a nice guy, big heart and just a is easy, help me a lot, my wife by being who he is and nobody can kills hearted in this fucker onstage he's a fucking, and he's honest and he's filthy and it's beautiful and I would stress that monitor mana- took awhile to get him in here, just for you, because he lives on these east coast tat. I this is a great it's great. I love how the guys I like tat- Bobby we'll get to talk enough, it's funny before bobby like yours.
thanks. I don't do my job socialize much by the un for the first time in a long time, I want to bill, burr's house, and we have, The guard, just like in the afternoon me bill out on his dec. smoked a cigar at nice to our conversation about life, the future career stuff, family stuff, and it was nice it was. If the clock and we had a nice time we're going to try doing a little more. As I said before, the finale of sex and drugs and rock and roll premieres a what premier Aristotle, day september first at this thursday, at this is me and Robert Bobby Kelly. At the you like knives and midcentury furniture. I love knives. I see It's all all this shit is from my childhood. I think Whether that was well call. Shit was like a partner was the coolest fucking thing, like my dad had a buck knife and I was like go ahead and buck knife and he wouldn't win
touch it now and then every once in a while. My grandfather, yeah, I didn't have my dad, but my grandfather would let me whittle some shit with his buck knife yeah like a cross yeah, Well, you know when we religious items yeah, now he arm yeah. I remember to I've I've loved knives ever since I love but those are the best. That's what I hear are they like? They make fancy artists like artisanal a blacksmith. Knives now add one you really great knife maker make. custom hunting knife, really guy got onto youtube spiral. One night about the end of the world and I learned how to make fire in what animals too hot and had it likes, feel dress a deer in rio, yeah just the learned. I would just spent programme twelve hours but feel dressing india that some, I would think you'd have to try once or twice to get. The hang of. I don't think you just watch youtube thing and I watch porn
with three hours of field dressing two years. I know that right now, if, if we kill the deer, you hit one with your car, you could. I could feel I could feel dress that dear yeah, I didn't know like inside your you. Can did three your throat and your asshole and everything in the middle is just hanging in there be ass. If you cut the throat and the asshole here, you just pull everything else out right, I know that I thought it was attached to inside, but it's just you It's floating in their body is just floating this shit. What did you do? Did you get youtubes to field dressing humans to Y? No, no, no, no it'll be the same day. Just imagine the same as probably, but it's like you know like like
If you always thinking that the end of the world every movie the guy goes out and gets here, just goes and kills a deer immediately right. It's like that's the dumbest shit ever unless you have like a tribe defeat right, you want to go, kill like a little squirrel or fee for then gst for a couple. Did you learn how to make jerky and cure shit and your target is right, so maybe a deer would be a good idea if you fucking saw one even if it wasn't a try yeah, but he did this yeah, but you don't want to smoke. Fuck it out. A hundred thousand dear me for me, and my wife and my three year old, It sounds like a smart thing to do. I was thinking of people like it did parceled does caught the vehicle of colombia like who, like who goes immediately if the biblical apocalypse comes or jesting zombie apocalypse inject, it would would have biblical yet just over. We have to go like right now: no electricity, no Oh you mean who doesn't make it me. We can break out because they know it's a you. You had nothing. You had nothing
you dont hunt you we? Don't you fucking? Do you not think immediately using the a few months first few months as I did, your sense of humor is just doesn't exist and is not going to get yet. It's not nothing's funny anymore, and you can't charm. People to set up punch tag was great and that you know math was awesome because no more money, then, and no one's no one's work and pro laugh at all, let alone the owner. The commonest dies immediately. We just we cut from the outset that someday go where they designers will really. What are we going to interrupt the debate no, I know by boat liking. Unlike any live in you know, maybe maybe we live at the seller. Where are we have to? we live in the south cell gone now. It's got also. The city goes this year this the cities taken over by we're out in the so I was supposed to be harmless people,
take over the city. What view member everyone's can be homeless are right. The black outnumber the black out of the room couple years after september. Eleven. Those is black out new york city ram. Only ever and around call my wife when we had this plan and I was a glowing anything happens in the city. You walk the fuck home. Wherever you are, we I stay home. If your home, you stay there and that's where meat. So the boy, out. Can't I go home. We walked I also shows Klux himself. I walk through the so she I stopped a couple of dailies. Giving away free ice cream dries the original route. So I stopped a couple of times because of this before you lived in the country yeah. This is why I write house an awe, collar. I go where you got some I'm downtown marguerite is downtown. I'm like a! U do. Member fuckin plan shows what, when I go with it's a blackout through. So what I go,
complains went into a building walking distance from which I go get the fuck. So she walked home right in all of a sudden, the city starting on a chaos like she, irregular squares. Pedestrians were directing- fuck, because people were almost getting murdered by other car in other people driving. That's what I love about new york people fuckin step in like this. No other city like that right. Somebody goes down three guys you're, like what's the problem, what happened, but where do we go? Tell a guy. You know it to where they have its immediately. I love that about new york. Here's what happens at night with no lights in new york city becomes were fucking new hampshire here here, there's no, nobody! It out When them they do is no lights. It. No electricity network is not limited to see your hand in front of your face. It's fuckin hampshire, it's like being in a white mountains right now, all of a sudden hook, and who is,
fine in those conditions homeless, people dead- we walked up to nine dad. I eighth. from our we lived on forty certain tenth or eleven, and we walk to two blocks. Barrel on fire and and homeless, guys just walking around grab entities and grab it ass. If everyone her that's all you herbs and then I might. and check it just now screaming she's, like somebody just grabbed. My vagina a guy walked out of the dark in the darkness and just grabbed of veg and went and that's it and actually like gave that little yeah sounds like we're out we're going home yeah. It was crazy and we had to we lived on the fifth floor? Thank god for a fuckin. I didn't want of money like those people who lived on the fortieth floor, of our building, that there was no It's in the hallways, no elevator, no elevator forty force and then you stuck up so now you have in the country, though, neither about a house there, dear of their here, we have two year. We have rabbit.
Have so now that you did this research? Have you gone hunting? No, no! I'll I run refer. You kill idea right, like I'd, only kill But if I had to write I fly fish. yeah. Alright, I do that. I Lippert I let it let them go back yeah. I don't fucking keep cause that was called lippert lippert it doesn't. I thought that killed him doesn't kill him. No, no! No! No! No! Let him go you. Don't you pinch off the hook, we're also just days in there oh it's like they have a better chance of getting the fuck off it's harder to fish. Like that, why don't you keep 'em eat 'em? I don't want to eat them. What do why not the high point? Just the sport sitting there with the fly gone back and forth, given a little line drop in the floor, I saw the light, though just floats down back to you, yeah yeah yeah, that's the meditation of random She had had a tide flies mother fucker I did to our. I there's something about that. There are Some of them are being in the water even having your line enough in nice.
Just untying that not year forty minutes here, while everybody else is fishing everybody else's catch. fish around you and you're just sitting there quietly on time? Tying this impossible? Not that's! That's that's a good day fishing for you. I don't I don't mind it that! It sounded like I'd be like I'd, be watching other people, catch fish, gonna, fuck fuck you're thinking that, like when I got my line in the fish will be gone. I do that in this business, that's what I do in show business just sit there. No fuck he's got a fish pond she's got nine fishes fuck you get she's got to thousand fishes and I have a big nod. in front of me that I'm trying to untie for twenty something you maybe that's the show yeah. Varela dies, that's dared I'm a military at that point of my career would be thinking of these weird.
Ok, maybe I can just go and in a redo furniture like fine furniture, all it's great to think that shit. Isn't it a scary I guess it's scary. Iraq is one I like my when I was thinking about that and I think about it now from a different perspective like as I come from a making a few bucks in- and I I think, of it more in terms of like I'd, not I'd like to not work but one. I was desperate you in the darkness, I could never think I'd guy could not come up with one thing that I can make a living doing like what have I may be teach what try to get a writing job wooed from a buddy. That's a better, petrified me! well. You know it's weird. It's like, I remember seeing you at the seller sad meeting ice cream, a lot here with the but with the child, cake yeah. Remember that never remember it made me happy, because not another, you sad, I about that somebody that, I knew you felt the same
way. I felt he only meant like somebody that I never thought you should feel that way, because you will want in my eyes one of the chosen one right. You are one of the chosen people was actually when I came to new york years and then, when I saw you sad it made me happy because I'm I feel for you know I mean yes and then, when you made it I felt really happy for you like when you play. it. I remember when you gave your speech at oh, and I was like god he he did it. He came out of the fuckin rubble yeah. You here earlier reached up and grabbed a stick and pull just health yeah I mean like em, I mean it must feel that feed I don't like what does it feel to actually get pulled out of that? I'm a target for it, hard to process, because you know I like it. I feel like
and I've said it before, but the one thing that guys like me and you- and I think we have a lot in common for whatever fucking reason cause we're both. You know sick fox in a way yeah, but the this sort of the ongoing insecurity of not having success and keep trying? and sitting there working at friends and like fuck how the fuck did that guy and then you don't like him and you not you're, not happy when other people get successful. The bitterness like when I find I found my little place and it seemed to have an impact like I did something relevant to people that people enjoyed a make an eleven, and I think it's on honest swimming there. Feel dns, something in myself esteem that that that can only happen. That way because I'd sorted resigned, the fact that, like I'm, fought and I'm gonna, be a sad mother fucker for the rest, I am not going to make it so when I started to sort and in that was on my own terms, made a big difference do, but so that thing, where am I financed when security is a little better and just the fact that I achieve something just fuckin thing that I achieve something on my own terms, I feel good about that. That part
self esteem got shored up right right There are many, but even people say money doesn't matter bob blah blah blah, but it sure sure does when, when you fuckin not worry about rent or morgan, absolutely yeah, it's like it's like I don't want to. I don't need. I don't need fucking trust, for my kid right, but I would, I do not worry about right his food, you know anything I would like to he not worry about him haven't because I was my I try it in my childhood was fucked up. It was real. I'm I just remembered me in fucking, sad alot, I'm just being fuck it. Just sad and lonely damage is being alone here. All fucking where'd you go up. Medford you grow, medford, you, like your real boston guy. if china, member when I met you, I met you young, yet hair on your head. I met you, catch rising star
early in cambridge time, doing comedy and came in cambridge. Yet aside, on a sheet right, what robin horton in the back of the room, and there another guy that look like you, I forget his name christina, might be out of the business now christine up. Maybe right, yeah? I remember you and who's a bigger asshole than me. He was an asshole yeah who's piece of shit yeah and I remember you went on I dunno if he has any more and you great and they and then I went on. I did some. I had five minutes some six months for weeks six months for five minutes brought my whole family. And I remember the guy who ran it rises, name robin came up he says, listen family. I don't want them laughing too much I don't know what do you mean because I don't want them, there's other people going on and I don't want them just to laugh at you and a fucking monster. He was and I go. Oh okay. I don't know how to go up to my family and tell them not to laugh at me. It's radical
to my family and the hague eyes. May she give it up for everybody else too? You know, and they will I her so remember I want the guy, introduce me of the fact like you of all people like that like me who were like you know, yes, all right, but that you We even took that instruction at all, like the right response to that is right. All right, and But is that even mean? But like you, I got a better figure, frame it for my family that they'll understand. Well, because I can't I can look. I can't make this. I can. I teach me three days. I have three days to make any decision, one or two. What, if that, if someone comes up to me like that, and does that to me, if you give me three days in a time machine, I'd go back to him ago, you know what go fuck yourself, I'm not doing that. My family's here to support me fuck you and leave right I if you give me three days, but I It cannot make a decision in a moment. I cannot as why my like, like
the trees, you have an opinion in millisecond yeah yeah it'd be like that bullshit in america? You know that, like how do you know it's bullshit, because it kind of makes sense right like what he said. You know what I don't want, the other comics to feel bad right. Like maybe he's right. Maybe I'm wrong. Am I wrong in here and then right cause. We, where there's a part of a set of people, pleases, I'm afraid and he here because I never had somebody telling me hey fuck, that Oh fuck them right, one where the other. I know I never had a male figure or an adult tell me, Something like I see my kid now my three earlier and he asked like me right, he does what I I do right so good or bad. he's going to be influenced by me and his decision making is going to be. Do you have you gone out of your way to do it differently, you that uttered ever it's it's a every day. I think about it. So wait till you, oh your dad wasn't around
while my dad my original dad wasn't around where'd, he go are you used, is so weird human. Vietnam. Here him my mom and my system, which is fifteen, had me when she was eighteen, really irish catholic com. So she pretty much those choose a kid she's kid yeah yeah she fucking around yeah. You don't mean that what happened, but I don't know, but I'm married away very romantic right right right, the probably bang in the back of a money, call your dad a vietnam vet and your eighteen year old, mom. Well, he went to vietnam while I was born. He came all fucked up, and him and my mom. You know this two sides, the story that holds you I'm forty five here yeah, so I never knew They were gone. She moved back you what my my grandma so there was thirteen of us living in three bedroom where you grant yeah, so me, my mother and my sister, or on a mattress on the floor, Michael Sean's room next, to await bench. You now
Madame Khatami was on the sun. Porch maya our goal in a closet, the other two down in the basement. Like my, She had a bedroom and my grandmother river that had bedroom and my great great grandmother was there for a minute and then she passed away. I just out of necessity they killed. I think they needed the row. One of the uncles took the right. so that's! That's it huge early childhood memory, but that was great. I remember those times when MR april around, but don't use big game articles of fucking great my I mean they were just amazing you now. I remember my it would always bring me a cupcake home or something. When I woke up from a nap, there was always a little treat or something my aunt one uncle was smart. I remember, Tommy was smart yeah, I'm a bit David like knew how to make bone, arrows and fight near my uncle Jimmy and uncle. My uncle Michael was cool with the women mantha Jimmy was you know the businessman right Michael sean was like the cop the blue collar dude shows like I had
five fathers like right there and then you my grandfather, who was, greatest generation, world war, two coolest, mother, fucker, ever higher garden, knew how to grow shared, not affect shed. Could forever. You know how I had that there are no more play. My grandmother was the best my to its awesome. All irish all the catholic ear. And then my mother met this fucking. billy, and she got married to this in savage, hear this fuckin guy, who should never been around children right? Who then there She got married like that and I thought great. I thought it was amazing. I remember you like the guy first dude he was so fucking Grady. He parted his hair to the side. At a mustache you're know he like a nice car right- and I remember we got an. I remember walking and I had my own room and I never had my room really. I never had it, I'm a
it in and looking up at the lamp those this beautiful cool lamp here, like a slicker hanging from sealing the right fixture and I was like expansion of egg is that mine and god damn you and I was like I'll fuck dude. I love the every day. I would come in and go that's my lamp. I lie did you like for three thousand kinda guy yeah and I remember, the side room and I had my own tv at a toy box full of toys, this room, all the shit I like literally like out of a movie and you it was just unicef me, my sister, my mother, my sister had the same thing right across from me. What this guy do an insurance suggest he had one of those fuckin wheels with a right of wrong measuring wheel, ugh. Every time I see there's a phone, so am I
I was in my room. Everything's great, had this little side room with two being banks in a tv, and I was watching tv one night and I fell asleep from from day to night. And I woke up and it was dark out- and I just heard noise and I got up- and I remember I was so happy. I was so fucking happy I remember I walked out. I opened the door and look out and my sister, my mother's bent on her knees crying and then my son his grabbing. The phone crying to make a phone call- and I remember he wrapped the phone around her head and then through it at her head and punched, my sister in the stomach and then I remember my mother saw me. And she ran. She ran to get me and she grabbed my sister and we went into my sister's bedroom and I met I shut the door and I held it shut and he was kickin. It was locked and whose kicking in kicking kick in it, and I was just in shock and nor the fuck was happening
and every kicked the door open and I went flying against the wall. I fell and I pretended that I was knocked out cause. I was so scared. I member a member just saying my head is: let I'm dead. You just pay. dead and I played he looked down at me. He does enemies, don't fuck Locked acted, my fuckin house in any looked at me. Go get the fuck up, stop playing. I didn't hurt you, and I remember my mom- scream and Adam, and that was like the day. Everything changed vows the debt, the debt that was the day your innocence was over. It was done. I was the day that I learned that I used to fear that was data was introduced to anger visa and you know that was a day that you know when being hurt slowly started turning into rage. You know
now. I want that. Go on for two hours and light Six great armies stayed within that long I mean I don't know why. I don't know what the fuck And it was years of economic aid, oh, come on home late in getting punched or thrown really let us the emma second grade. yeah I'm in a member's second grade coming home, be so happy. I got miss julian for setting. Yeah. You know at the fact that meant that, I told you you have miss julian next year and I was, I guess, skipping. I remember skipping yeah love, skipping and I remember I got home a little late because I talk to this one. Poverty or sisters year, each who I was in love with their business and gray. Second granted fuckin was in love with this girl and I got home a little late and then he was He had to do some, and I was late in the fucking late november screamin at me, and every here in the back of the head, and then he like punches,
and I fell down the stairs and nothing, nothing No apology, no, no, not know nothing of helping. I did. I ran away. I think that night I remember running away, and I didn't know what running away what a member who was called out. I left only went like five blocks and I was at a red light crying and This girl was saw me anymore, kid second greater fucking, crying at a red light, cold jacket. I remember what's wrong those like me, I'm runnin away? you know she she was. Me home, she walked back to my house back to the bad place back there in my mother was there. She was I cry whenever she was like. Oh my god, she brought me upstairs, and I remember she hug me and loved me and now tat I want I mean if I can help me in, and I was like. Oh my god thank but I saw you know what I mean. I remember I was underneath the coffee table in the living room and I was just so happy here. It went from this tragic place.
in all and then she fucking gave me all this love. And then I remember I was just so happy cause. That's all I wanted here and emo. She was on the phone with a friend and she was talking and then and I'm wheat. When I came home. When I came home, she was like Bobby with her and was like. I love you Bobby and I went. I went oh mom, I love you too, and we I hugged here and we had that moment and then I remember I was on the coffee table and I was so happy and feel good? He wasn't there. She was on the phone and choose tough innocent, the intrinsic, and then he went oh mom. I love you too, just out laughing. I fuckin just crumbled. Oh my god, I mean looking back now. She didn't know there she's, probably town, a friend like I was, Q was only those who legal laugh. It was just another embarrassing. It was just like fucking, You too, you fuck in algeria and
He felt like your belittled, made fun of like yeah, I It just kill me to crush me in a member in this a second grade. Second, so don't you know when we moved again and so but surely what happened to your sister? She I if fuckin sad because she's not you know she used to call a fat and stupid. and, in fact in he hit me and used cars that's stupid and when it did between us it separated us cause. We separated to survive. and I remember if he was making fun of her, he wasn't making fun of me. He would always go come on. Let's go! Take a ride right and I was safe, the first now Joe it's it's separated a she went and you know come. one oftener a world in it. It still fucks europe up use. Now I love my sister but We ve been trying to reconnect since then, like you, we ve been trying to reconnect.
I think, since I got sober, which was like thirty years ago, thirty years array yeah, I went yeah so wish I'll try to talk like my sisters, you know, she's got kids, disease. She got a kidney transplant seven year seventeen years ago and she she It's does a limit on those or she needs new kidney again here You call me up through the day cry in and outside was finally starting to connect. But there's still this survival, yeah yeah know she's back in Boston singles. She has a beautiful kid that is all grown up now and she's deal with the kidney stuff in it. I'm out here and it's fucked up man that literally this fuck, this fuck, it's yeah, it's the the pain of it. Have I a seemingly unresolvable emotional, like you know, pain? You know that, like that like how do you like as ideal with a little of this with this sort of ikea? You have these patterns. The ship was set. You know what The dynamic is set.
You crave something more year at your age where you can handle something more, but you just don't know if you can fucking get there with the other person or whatever you know. You can't get that ship back now you can't and so funny to. Is that someone, said to me do be it. be as good as you can be with your kid right now be if there's something that you do, that stupid stop doing it? there's something you do. That's fucked up! Stop it. Do you think that Now that all the time, all the time, because whom because When he sixteen you care, fix it forever right, it's just there was sounds like when you're two in second graded there. I can't remember all that shit, my mother, because my mother is irish catholic and I love her to death, but it's a can't. We just move on mom. I don't I dont know how to fucking live life. so I dont know how to everything I've gotten is through, pure willpower brochure fuckin,
I'm, not gonna, it's all hustle, but you still around my mother Why am I hold battle side of my family? She got remarried after billy after billy how they take the lever after she pulled out of your kid five, five years of five destroying the child's best The thing is, I don't think they knew back then They known, I don't think they knew because you think about her life. Think about her childhood fifteen when a kid you get, and away. you go to some none place. Did she yeah? Where were you that who get who got you? I was now. I was eighteen when she was eighteen and she had to go. Away. Again, I think when we it to share, go away, and I think with me she actually moved out my grandparents, so while these people louis grandparents, when they are jobs like a cop and everything, now that you they were away personality? Why can actually they weren't? They weren't that, then the idea would just for partying fuckin teenage his fuckin psychopaths blush,
I'm saying like what they gave me right. That's rhino! What if I was a if I was gonna, be a superhero. That's where I got all my power from those five venturesome houseful nuts yeah, it's it's it's what they actually became a little later in life here. If you look back that's what the rio grande run. Yet, It's. I remember when he. I may I remember, I remember just being fucking scared, all the time. Dude scared of getting beat up scared of getting killed. I must be getting fucking killed with the upper you can see. This thing is like we do that thing. There's this thing we gotta tell ourselves that way. They didn't know better, but yeah who the fuck doesn't know that the guy that you married should beat up your fucking kid for no reason I dunno I am not I'm not as good as er. No, no, no cause, she doesn't remember. She wasn't there for some of it and in a week they caused a blinders on its like the people with sexual abuse. Through I hide they'd, they know, but they don't know I mean I can you empathy,
For that I mean. Can you I mean? I think you know you say you have your mother, but I just have this conversation right before he came over. I did a therapy station. and like the only way you know and we're programme guy so like at some point. You gotta forgive him right yeah, because whaley, forgive him yeah, I have to forgive them because, if not you're just going to be in hatred, raven repeated and I'm gonna repeat it or my kid, that's my biggest fear again. Like. I have a temper dude, the temporary from him, my temper. Unlike I fucking crazy, sensitive pussy, yeah, you're, sweet guy and bought happens. If I get hurt, I got immediately to anger me to end that's from that's fear. anger is just hurt, so it is a? U being hurt and it becomes anger because it's safer to flip the fuck out and scare people away from you than to be sad cause. I don't wanna hit anybody year, but I don't want to be hurt mere so
I learned that I remember the day I that is that when he hit me one time and I went gotta a knife and I chased them any actually ran how we I was in six greatly any he ran a member's running away from me for the first time here I chased them around the house with his knife, and and then my mother grab me she's Bobby style, music, you little fucking. I go, you want to stab me, go ahead. He put his hand out here and before he I just went down. I was cutting his fucking hand off and he pulled back. Nobody you un, was ok. This kid's fuckin lost the here and now and that was it. That was it. That was the last memory I had of the sky. I don't remember. I remember anything else from him now That was the last time, but I in my brain and click, does it oh shit if you hurt somebody physically or youth, bout me. Are you get angry here and you scare them they'll fuck and leave the sultan,
What ultimately happened to that guy? What your parents mother like how to that end? She divorce them. We move, like in a panic like we're, leaving the house today kind of shit I've. No, no, I don't remember, I remember, was pretty quick. I remember pretty fast and it's over divorce. But I remember this scumbag. He had money and I remember he can they would get divorced came home one day with a tory when a tory first came here, like you, don't have a tar here. and he came home with a tardy in here. I just took it up. They started plant at next joystick air and a member who is, he he won't play a play, an adventure here. You know with the little doktor when around you and we're a plan, and I remember I, this year too bad you guys are leaving. You know, and I my mom, my mother, chemo moonlight, my don't leave air. we should. Maybe we should any goddess hooked us this just as easily
Yeah, because all reward me most is one of the fucking, be love, yeah yeah just be happy and she comes home. She grabbed the attire, fuckin smashed it like you fucking. She flip ahem unnameable were gone that's when she met this guy. She met this grey. Now she still married to today Larry and he, actually in a marriage, and my mother was a marriage and they worked at the same grossman. Bargain outlet of gross which is a home people back ready, and I I think they fool around a little on the cheap a something here, or maybe it happened and then after they didn't we're. So I remember would come over here. Is the fucking greatest inhabitants live? frank sinatra, he believed it lasted stock. While I was I was already and I was already gone, dude bureau, I was already started. We lack as I started drinking a ten year. I started drinking like wary at home. Now, hanging over this thirty year old guy named dickie. Well, how does that happen? I just met
Madame through this girl, patty ten ten t, I remember: ten hours was have any quest is about the thirty rolled his hanging around with a ten year old, given them whiskey it's cool guy. I remember yeah. I remember we went to his house, his father was they were hoarders or something and I grow under his house. It was just shit everywhere and it just smelled like shit and the movement in there and he added that diggy voice, yeah yeah yeah. I was, I drank so much fucking. I remember drinking pints of seven seven just be in by a barrel with him in paddy whose patties. Is this blonde check that I usually she? She was probably fifteen shoes fifteen. He was thirty. I was ten drinking a barrel. He wanted a fog paddy patty fool around with me, but patty was dating this tough fuckin, ninety or that you were can ten. She pulled around the ten year we kissed wreck wickets there we kiss this
what a healthy environment for in any by any stretch. Imagine it had nowhere to go man. I am not judge you, I'm just saying that how these people all found each other who the fuck knows what you think of it. It was, this is a medford where we had moved out of the house nor toy box, no more room. We moved into a two bedroom. My mother slept on the living room floor now cause we don't have any more money yet cause Billy's gone right. We live in the shared apartment and where you got the guy who works at When will he starts coming over, but it was by. It was almost a year. They started hook an idea in that year I started again, I started doing some drugs and I started hanging out with these people to strike on the corner shit in a way. Like they became like they gameplay in the complex. No, no, no, it wasn't a cod. It was like. You know, it was medford, so it was like you know: fuckin blue collar right shit and yeah yeah hung on kid dickie and gotten. We data Can I just started?
lincoln, and I didn't why maria hated drinking, I just did it because they did it. and I don't want to. I was alone, oh spoken alone, a lot for on three That's when we moved here. I had no friends here. I don't have one person in my life I wake up. I remember the fur I wake up in the morning and go in the basement. We had this fuckin. Does the old basement those three families living in this home and I would go in the basement and I built this little bedroom on the floor with the Why get a pillow I remember I go down there and I would bring my lunch road go out the front door, I m I'm going to school six grade, and then go around the back and going basement and just curl up in a ball and sleep all day. torrent, two o clock to fifteen and then I'd come home. I just come out the back door and just below hey, said it was fucking, pretty I remember being their interests lie in there all day on the ground. and in the sun was coming through and just sitting there and just
it can be sad when europe is all beat nadia and, like you know this fuckin change and weirdness in your drink, and you can't relate to other kids and shit well, yeah. Well, that's what happens is three months of that, just being sad! Only and then I met these people dicky and patty, and then scott and diggy soul and all of a sudden. These guys wanted to be with me every day. They would come to me, how's, my door bell rang and they They became my family. That became my uranium via vigour, dickie, scotty sk the little dickie? There was big dicky s will, Ikey was age, appropriate age, appropriate and big dick. He was the leader, the bay. Dickie yeah big dickie was he will use a separate guy right yeah I hang over the dick regular. Appropriate, taking little dickie yet little dickie and and sky colleague here I hang out and there I left big dickie and patty ogre for europe drinking We were drinking a lot we drink every day, every fuckin day. We would try to get both
It makes you feel better. The drinking didn't know the actual the friendship dead right the other, the actual somebody fuckin haven't my back. Did you know somebody here. We are actually to be around me dead, so what the fuck happened so ten years already drinking every day and so yet sober fifteen yards. Now I went to while it just now I can always up to my friends I kind of like this business. You keep up on your coattails year. You don't even hear like you know you you, you, you make more famous friends and we're all of a sudden you're hanging out with fucking. The holy grail of famous people yeah, oh my god. You know, I think that happens in friendships too, like when you're younger. It's alright for different reasons, while back for the holy grail is not that holy well. My goal was to hang out with the toughest meanest skies here because that was the safest place for me to be right,
so when I got an opportunity to hang out with his other group of guys from south medford or whatever I member here it was so funny that it was frankie, pollack castro yeah, like the fonts course followed. You now twelve. I am a mirage. Twelve gonna varying and I make frankie here blonde hair tying guy leather jacket, dr peter smoke and cigarette there and then I'm at that time. ganglia already fucking, coolest mother forever from the thai affair big older brother, too the brothers were just fuckin just gorgeous human beings. Here, like that italian holy shit, gorgeous and then I met mikey dots and yo, it was a god of a movie did was like being in a Michael man, film or say I know we're and here I am the they took me in
like come on. I would hang out with these guys. You got no data that adds to all this. You need these role models right. Well at this time. She see him. Now she she and Larry. Will you like Larry? it may still in terms of I'm gone right here in terms of real real guidance and shit that those days are over. I think if Larry was my father and I've said this to him before he is my I would say he is my dad right. You know what I mean, but if he was my father from when I was a kid we'd be I wouldn't be here. B. I would have some fucking great little job back in Boston, thea, I'd ever to triple decker. My system would live on one of the fuckin right apart. sir I'd have an above ground pool right. We have party barbecues. Here we probably go to the king We are in the summer, I would add my life would be pocket. I would be here. I wouldn't fuck. You have anything to do with this. She had business at all.
Not big guy just bad timing. Larry a bedtime he'd do differ. I remember he came over one night right when I started hanging out with dickie and scott and I started drinking retainer started getting into it. I remember he am with him. These teach me how to make chicken soup. This is so They're in the kitchen oil in the chicken could the chicken vegetables near you boil the the stock and put the vegetable, and then you put the chicken, let it simmer and whenever we spent like ours, making this in these francs not resign. Is teaching me about all this old music and I was This is it. This is my I've been waiting for this guy. The door bell rings in its dickie and scott and they like. Let's go I didn't want. I really didn't man, wanna stay with this guy. I want to eat chicken soup, which is spent three. making the soup and dickie I know what they want to go, they got, they want to go the tracks and get the tree
one drink and a fucking be idiots air, but I want to go here and there, I do you guys want some soup and they were like yeah. Really really guy in layers of modern guys itself some soup. The time It brought a man and he gave us all. Soup am sitting there in the kitchen, soup and large. Talking of these is excellent. We got from other the amerika. It was great and we're like I, let's go, we left drank a bottle of whisky and we are through up the soup mobile just on track procedure. dive, vomit fuckin the best chicken to both had those just Fucking everywhere goes, but that was the battle right. I now is italy in a sort of like it's interesting now that ie, The pressure of that they're, like you know you that this is a safer place. It's a better place is more to be gained. It's a healthier place, but you've got these monsters,
the fuckin oliver, these all monster hearts. for anger and sadness in that's the pole, like you know, I'm beyond cool, if I say no to them. who he what if he goes, yeah what, if Lerigo right and where is not united. Also, like you know, still an older got a still like a grown up. yeah you still want to be a kid right. Yeah. I want to be a kid. I want friends, but I also want to make What to do. I didn't know what to do. I don't know, what's the writing, so we don't fuck and taught me. I know no one ever said This is how you live, go with your instead. Sk right, you know what it's ok to fail No one ever said you know wow do you wanna. Do I mean I don't know what to do it's like. I don't want to. I don't them not like me.
But I don't want larry not to like me. I don't want nobody not to like me, because if people don't like you, if people don't like you, don't you feel like shit right. If everybody likes you even if its fake, even if it's fuckin a sham, yeah right, you can feel good. You at least not think about them. Hence stand up. Yes! it's that one twat one the front who doesn't last legs like why why why everybody else's fucking finding me amusing? But you don't like me. We know it. guys. I found that is sort of like they're sitting there guy christ alien. I was there on, I gonna fuck it I did I yelled at the lady one time in the crowd. She was on her phone and I screamed at her. I go. You know what fuck you I'm fucking up yeah everybody's having a good time. It you're on your fuckin, dumb and she was Bobby him I love you. It's my daughter got unknown accident nosek, oh god of the whole crowd,
oh crowd to shut down the fuckin oxygen left the room and they went he she's, like I don't and am I Oh my god diet back into some falling oriented. Every did. I Probably thirty may its into my shall I hadda our left- and it was just no recur she's crying in there- I was almost crying. I was like you should did she go? She had to go and she laughed and she went being okay here and then she came back in housing in now it's like she was just sitting there. In her eyes still read yet cry one, but she found out that she was ok. I gotta was already arrived, as great moment as a convict. Were you you learn something you're, not sure why by united necessarily going to stop you from saying what do you mean you're, fucking phone, for you know
for whatever reason like I didn't know you when he started really like when we started to sorta connected, I could the seller whatever yeah. You always saw right through me and we there was a sensitivity, always felt like crying. Every time I saw you cause like I'd, be, like you just look at me and go like what what what's going, what what what's the matter? What do you like is? I knew you knew that the score, and there was some sort of connection yeah where, like I knew, you're a very sensitive guy and that you, you know that what it was. I was always just shy of like losing my shit around you just go emotionally yeah, I dunno what that was. Do you know what that is what I do? Do you know I'm talking about the ideal. Do because I've always liked you we're like, even when people like fuck mark marin, with fuckin asshole
Yeah it'd, be like I just I like em yeah yeah. I just because, like I said, I would see you there right. We, you know one sensitive people, that's a weird thing is like because the unlike that I dunno, if you're like that, you seem a little more magnanimous than me like there's, not a lot of people that think you're an asshole right, but for me like, I did, have a a sort of disposition, but you would see right through it. Anyways you're, just one of those guys you I knew you were always a really sweet guy. I just knew you're a nice guy and that's how I got to see the ice cream of being sad. He fucked up and all that shit that happened to you. drew me to you, because as a good man you're you you're you're fucked up and I'm fucked up to right now or norway. Now, I'm ok now, but I've been we your add a lot. In albania, but sometimes I think you'd, like I think of you having like. I don't have that reputation, but maybe I should No, maybe I should be more of a dick maybe I should be more of
like is at me being just fucking. I don't have any What the fuck am I doing that more people don't hate me now Actually, I don't think that's true. I don't. I don't even think. For me it was opinions. It was really just fear and defensiveness and assuming yeah I was always preemptively hostile, because I always thought you know what I mean like everybody was. You know kind of judging me like as paranoid a little bit and in in really kind of hypersensitive. We just did Well the thing with it. I wanted to keep people out. You want to let people in you know a guy I dislike and I'm still have hard time with that, accepting love or wanting to be like, like cars, Is a comic all we want to do is be like, but I fight that I would really like that's the challenge. Why do you fight because I am afraid that like if, if, if I open up dad terms. Gonna fuckin disappear the weird thing I am afraid that every time I do it every single person, I've ever allow
in my life, has left me every person that I was fuckin. Ultimately, close with fear has fuckin, as left me yeah, especially male figure. The only person that ever stayed with me is my wife through thick and thin, you this there's a couple of. I have like a few friends in comedy outside a comedy like. But everybody guys that there's a group of guys it like, would never fucking leave you there's a core group of dudes that it's very funny about that the whole cellar crew. You know like when I you know. Even when I go back, you know I feel closeness, like you know it's not like everyone's in touch every day, but she had the most of those guys near there like a colander jimmy those guys right. I try I have to call in every a pretty much every day. Right, like you know it, you know they would show up for you, no matter what I have. I think so I think Keith and call he yeah, but it's this here's the problem here though, and I I gotta, find somewhere and I hope,
I know it's through my kid all my family, that I've Eighty cause now I've my fair prices. I can now one days a stop bitching about you. Dad if you've never gone, you'll, never use again, never getting one which went out and never getting a dad that you're never getting one near you. The opportunity is gone. It's never going to happen, not harsh, but true he goes. He goes. You're the dac right so just be fuck that you can also do it yourself. To parent yourself, yeah right. Just I'm just fucking learning that barrier, you're fuckin sell you. How do you you fuckin. Do that like how do you like you, never gonna get the friendship. I've, never gotten the friendship. That I wanted. you never get the friendship, a hundred percent that you're that that's why I liked you that's why we're connected because and I to do this right. There's one moment in my life, you know chuck scar yeah, so we
together. Writing chucks, like the most kind of like your kind of light hyper early in your current rigidity. Kind of you know not was the emotional guy. You know what I mean, but I do. I decided that he was my friend at some point when we restart now I catch a rising star days and I'd just like, but when I the framework I decide you're my friend, that's a bit. That's a burden. We lack the hand you over me, I got a lotta expectations allotted needs right right. So, like someone tab, I just lost my shit on shock whose early, whose emotionally myopic, it's one frequency and I'm like you're, not a flock and friend you did and I any eu either. We says he says you have a very expensive personality. it, does a very nice way of of sort of encapsulating that, like you know, when I commit to a friendship, why you gotta be my dad you've gotta, be my friend. You've got to be there and it's exhausting how you can. Heap of brain like that? It's for you Why you say that I've? Never
what it no words, but true yeah, if you're my friend, to be a lot of shit and you're allowed to handle. you have to have a navy seal loyalty right It has to be military grade. Loyalty to me. You know, I mean if you fail at that whatsoever. Fuck you fucking you don't give a fuck where there's a few days and they get that party it. Yeah and they don't even know what you're talking about. Yes, cause they're, just normal people, yeah three days to get you to talk to a guy for three days. What the fuck and he's like. What are you talking about, and then you ain't got nothing you can do you still love me like fuck me a long time to get there? It's fuckin, but it's I'm starting to figured it now, but I did it. I dont know, isn't it I dont know how to get rid of do I've done fuckin meditation of pray. I.
I don't know what the fuck it is. I am I I I just don't know from fixable I just somebody to talk to me. I want to send say we're she's conform, oviedo these karate, more yes with sky, grab. Somebody here had just goes in a wax on wax up here. Just want somebody to teach me how to fuckin wax on a wax off here. I just wanna consent say to teach how to be a fuckin liquor of professional adult you know, to be able to handle shit and because I I I I try to teach myself, but I always fail. That's one thing too is that you look at how the What can I be sad cause? I'm dumb do I'm touring and making good money as at a car as a comic you funny as fuck too, like that's the other thing that you we neglect to say it. It's pretty apparent. If people are listening, they don't know you is that you
very honest, very fucking real did. There's you can't help, but be yourself any in the union, not afraid to say anything in its great that so few com to do that anymore, give it think sometimes if you were mostly disconnected and more focused just on being famous or successful yeah that that's how it's done like if you, if you aren't in tune to your emotions, his might or spinal, but I can't separate my creativity from that's where it all comes from there's nothing. I can do about that. There's like it's no way like there is here's how I do it it's sorta like. I should really write better jokes and I'm like I've, never really written a joke in my fucking life, You know you see these guys. They sit there. They right they organise their structure like seinfeld to me is from mars. like. I don't know where the fuck that guy's coming from emotionally, I don't know, come from community. I know we worked very hard, but I did that's like that. That's another fuckin planet man, but did itself. What do you say that? Because I've add people,
I do you got like cipher, you gotta get up and its job right six hours a day with a job and you know what it's more taxing on me because we time I get up there, it's life or death. It's like if this doesn't go? Well, I'm not going to be okay for awhile. Now yeah, I don't look outgoing thousand okay said tomorrow is another night now fuck that I go like. Why do I do this? I'm a terrible, I'm a piece of shit. I don't work hard enough and I'm fucked. Four days here, so am I doing wrong. I think so I guess it's just the way you do it. I guess I d be, but you know, there's a guy like you at some point. You gotta be like. What's the risk that the risk is not it, we're gonna like me, because I'm too fuckin raw. You know I m too, like you know whatever it is, and it took me, time to accept and I don't think I would have had. I not somehow built a small following for myself through the park, as in other things were like I'm, not
in Kevin Hart. I'm not louis, but I got you I got. You have got a few thousand people like me yeah, but I'm not even you I put you will not even fucking. Does he know what I mean like it's like? I look at this wait: five years in right, and I'm doing great- and I quote on quote I gotta show I funny nabopolassar meeting yard louis yeah, but it's like like I still go on the road and fuckin there's a bunch of cop seats, and you know I'm still have you did. I would happen to me if I did comedy clubs. I bet I it's just that. It's like. I still have to do thursday friday and set out its at you, but you don't. I know you mean, like you were like when is you're gonna be a day where you can sell out or you can just do your comedy like these guys. You just prototype of like you, but would you like that you and the whole room due to know you and, like you, I wouldn't did I don't? Have the advent of this aid better feeling than performing in front of you fancy now we risen. You have to know that
when they show up to see you every fuckin love your great. When you but a club and this thirty people that are there for you and the rest. The hundred and twenty are very tick jeffrey tickets and some type of fucking coconut shrimp cook coupon to you I'd rather just the thirty people and then ten people that pay like. I hate free tickets yeah, but I I I have a fuckin kid. Nine I had a heart guys, like is ignored, that, was fucking great. When I was living I was just a single guy, but now it's like. I have a fucking kid that I have like that whole other fuckin aspect of it. Now it's like I don't know, do them everybody! I hate that dude, I hate the fuckin. What are you have the dude, I'm still very specifically famous like you know, like you at some point, you eat you ve gotta, like a sort of white contextual eyes. You know you success. You know like endemic sense, maybe not let me try to put a different. Why is it like this
lot of people? Don't who the fuck? I am. You are my shows, and I have see my podcast is a podcast yeah that can President obama came on the? I know. I know it's a book but that that daddy, but you found it, do you failure? Think right, you got it. I know it. I was lucky cosmic timing, but I earned it boiled with you earned it and you found it and you you did the work for it and you went through it and it's like they might Dewey emergent? We don't I mean do like. Finally, did you get your health insurance from doing the show? Ok shut, the fuck up. It still doesn't have nothing with love yeah that didn't work and could not work sorry, so it almost worked out for a fucking. Second, I was like it was almost like wow. I didn't know where it was before. You said that I was still petrified I was still petrified. I am petrified of being fifty five. I know having a work and work in some some.
fuckin, one nighter in poughkeepsie. That was that my biggest fear when I went out with when I was in the garage not know what the fuck do my life after me, she left me that was my these fear and, unlike so grateful that things worked out, but that was that was the biggest fear but the ears, I'm telling you you do you use your work. Yes, you you and people know you yes and you if you're on a fucking big network show yes, you have. You have great friends, you have creative friends, you're thought of as an actor. You do a great job as an actor. Do a great job as a comic you are just fucking. At least you know know that Maybe that maybe that's it. Maybe maybe do it is is: joining that and not worrying about its hard wearing about. where are you going and yes, I mean I like the program one day at a time. Maybe it's just that, but as I I it's hard to, how is your program? It's not that it's good
you know, but it's not as good as it could be. You know, let's go back to see, you got sober fifteen, did you? Why can't you went to jail without happened and went to jail? Oh you did. I went to jail at thirteen. for an robbery in a solemn battery. Did you do it yeah? Would you do I replied of mafia own pizza store yeah? I was drunk Fuckin shift a mere frankie went in and out he went in and I was trying to pick up the check this chicken work. There was in my geography, a big nose. The tiny grows in love with her, and I we just took the money of the register and ran out yet again now we just fuckin threatened them, but to care. What's his name, Frankie threaten the cook he's: gonna beat the shit out of him he beat him up a week before in my back in and threaten him again and we the money which took it, ran and then add the mob after me, and the I got arrested were to
when our jail for a while, like six months at thirteen yeah. I remember that that was that was fuckin, shocking yeah yeah. That was pretty fucked up, but just because I remember when I my bell was ten box and my mother wouldn t pay him. to go and lessen yeah, whether the she she was told not to pay, it fell by the judge. How could she wondered like he said. Let him he said. Let him go through. The system may act as he's. Never gonna change real, she led him. Do you believe it believe any shitty guy. That tells us some ma it actually worked. I was the only one out of all my friends who kind of got sober in his life together all those guys yeah, because I wanted to remember they took me away, and I remember this is weird at I still sucked my fingers. I I still juvy yeah. Well that the last time I saw ice would suck my fingers and pick my nose year with my pinky finger here with dismay.
Suck my farm bill. I would certainly fingers me my two fingers here. I remember that was the last that night and juvy Joe is still my every did. I was so afraid of falling asleep. We resign years. My motors thirteen at I just I remember I was like I can't do it. I stayed up. I kept waking myself up. Please we're just going to wake up and just catch a beating, because I was sitting there sucking my fingers and picking my nose. So fuckin paranoid side. However, that was the last time I I ever did and then they took me into this place. I remember I went into the room and it was first Elmo's around poor regions and blacked. It's like a rough. I was you like it in there and they were. Written in this room watching cartoons in this big fuckin tv up a damn? state hospital here, never the mental institution kind. Up their dismay,
was done, but there is little side building that they gave to the state for juvy. Sir and you'd go there, you have to court and you sit there, wait to see where you're going here at all I know they brought in sobs all the subs anna. They dig. there was a time southern it. These wet onions on top here all the kids the engine and threw them on the ceiling, and I looked up on the ceiling. It was like a year. Of onions. That was what people there It's just what they did their just years of onions jet ride on this fuckin ceiling. grows this shit. I just took landed through them upon the second thing in there and then I was in the system remember, going to jail and and and and being in this fuckin crazy shit and and then going on or fast on for the next three years, ireland jail. I didn't fight funny. That's right learn to be funny Try actually learn to be funny.
One the one night they come in. They were beaten up there, three white kids and they beat up one kid d at the play. Basketball is through basketballs at his face and then came in to get the other kid they gave. They beat him up in the shower and then was sitting in my room and they all came in all these black dudes little tiny dude. Here they call them the godfather a little squeaky voice. Here and they came in and they sat all around me on my bed ignored me. May I wasn't there and they were like these mother fucking white boys were the by their talk. It should hear why why it's here there like hell, you what's up menu, homeboy your white boy. As you say, I'm a homeboy mother fucker and they were like the sack and kids. Daisy easier, just to laugh and then die mother fucker you alright to mother fucker. They were like our chill out yeah enough, but yeah. I learned. I that's where I learned to be funny. is in jail, you life depended on it
yeah yeah, you that our fight, I learned how to fight too I am this. I was the same way you have for being as big of a a dick as I was it's amazing I haven't got my ass kicked, but I never did ever nope, but you can do it no, I would never do I love you. I never too, so one thing about you. I remember when you come to the seller. You sit in the bottom magician you like me Ivory was so loud. America's will I remember I used to sweat a godfrey with us air dry, be on stage you'd. Be there why? Why do you? Ah, why a fucking yell? Why do you. get a scream why we can, just because you are What after I- and I would be like MIKE it's ok, I got mark you, in hilarious, you're going just do just fine, it's, it has not you, like really is a good ashore, MIKE Marcie you're fuckin dead, and you come off ebay, Yes get bs, urges that like either
they just ruining everything. It was tat, julius fucking, crate, Foster homes are worse than juvy, though, but now you like fourteen fifty yeah? I was and he can't go back to your mom's voice. Now you you'd would go. You go to jail for a few months. and you go to a faster home here for a few months and then work your way back to, and I went eventually to my moms, and then you get arrested you're there, your war to the states when your war to the state they own. I say: there's no more court, so you just do you go you do some bad! You go right to. Georgia is no more that's right, just his money and time bright. That's what could happen at any time. I did some. I would just go directly to jail and that would have over the next three years. I just kept going to jail and the law time I did you know was I was living in new york, upstate new york, near rochester. I was working on a farm I tore it- ordered your quarter.
The farm five days a week, I was a farm hand and I fuckin fell in love with it where do the animals and fuckin alice, crazy shit and kind of got my shit together a little bit, but I still hanging out what the fuck and now is my em. All anytime. I went out to seven different high schools. Sixty seven billion bag, kids. I wouldn't. I would always any time we moved. I would have a thing. A weed and I'd find the fa I'd get. I would do something fucked up detention. First day day tell everyone new year, so that I would be in detention and whoever was in touch with me. Those are my new friends, so I'd be like do you wanna smoke some weed year and we go smoke weed after detention, and that would be my group here and I would just hang out with those fucking earth and that's what I did up there same shit but also work on animals. I, but I still work on the farm and it is the responsibility of that year.
And you know home and be it so exhausted and fucking just smelling like fuckin shit, animal shit here I just I had this responsibility for the first time in my life and act. Started, get self esteem and my mom and so dead larry were actually we acting on some level because now I for they can really have year round because it just a fuckin punk and now all the sun, but I was still you know, drink, on the side you partying on weakens the oven I gotta said again and that was it and then I just fuckin I what they flew me back to boston on a plane, smoke. Complaints. Do I remember, being fifteen smoking on. Allow me too, greatest should ever in those back for rose how the fuck was that even possible? How did the whole point not smell? Like fuckin cigarettes, a dead? but how do you fucking matthew, looking at a fifty year old, lay out a marlborough on a plane? I know I smoke the debt issue. No fuckin did she not basis they order smoking a high school, they couldn't stop it and everything
and kids. I remember flying back. I asked the flight attentive for a light. Fifteen year old, on the plane and then she loved me. There were great through the whole flight. We got the boston, there was too A troop was waiting for me at the thing I just turn around and the handcuff music by ladys. What? fuck is that he and I went right right in jail, and then I went to rehab free year holy a whole year out and see anybody. All male. We have. Those debts changed my life, the guy tom Tomkins, who ran this fuckin thing was the great at one of the greatest man. I've ever met my life. The lifestyle t die rose in their wisdom, which fucking kill me. That's it thing rise. Fuckin merit as I met this. I met the guy this guy. is in show business in a weird way, like old showbiz near his wife, a famous operas, there are some shit and his world fell apart through booze and he opened this thing up to get. Kids
save kid. I was his place. It was his place. Wow and I remember he- had he die fuckin huh, I'm so scared. He was a seventy or something, and he used to smoke does miss the cigarettes here, like nine packs a day, the thin ones the thin one year. and he would just smoke all day. The first time I met him, I was I was on the first day there he wasn't. I want the fucker fuck this place and all this- for then he comes down. The stairs is old guy, with a fucking, weird b need. Psoriasis, and just look like yet here looks at you just and of an island. You don't in india any key. Down, and he goes what fuck head wants to leave me at all. ever that, while I was glad to hear it started yonder to see you fucking can't you wanna fuck and leave you stupid cod. They get the fuck audio fuck, you you fuckin pussy. I will try to save your life. Would try to.
fuck and save your fuckin life and you wanna be a fuckin pussy. You dumb cunt I remember this. New employees was like gives me, but I don't think he goes fuck you you're fired, get the fuck out, fired the guy and then The kid starts crying cry because jail, you fuckin, sad archer, it's scary, isn't it yeah it's this is life or death fuck it s all week. we're trying to save you, you wanna, be saved music. Here is a right and shut the fuck up. walked over and goes look at me and he gave the kid a hug and the kid just lost lost it I remember Aos. I was like what the fuck is. Yours, where's kelly and I raised mangoes upstairs I was so scared and I went to his office and he was he goes are useless We just got you like switched. He was right, so I highlighted
stay day. I was now and then he goes. I want you to tell me tell me: what's it wait? What your baggage I had a father gonna. He does what's the thing you ve, never fucking told anybody here. What is it. What's the thing you ve never taught. What's what are you fucking walk around with? He goes. It go What what I want to know the thing you never fucking told a soul that haunt you that you feel shitty about, and I was at one time I jerked off my friend and I you know I feel really fucked up about that because I'm like I don't I'm not gay, but I feel like I'm. You know I didn't he goes. What I go are you? Okay and he goes. He goes. Does this king gos, where his name was glenn, go, get fuckin, Michael sean and and and get miguel up here right now and increase,
It's three comic whoa brings these two bricks, these great kids up now, there's the streak. He goes, hey, yo you and you you ever jerk off one of your friends, yeah yeah, you have a yeah jerk yet because everybody does that you're fucking dummy, sexuality. If you're gay, the little kid there was exploring sex knows it I'm not because now everyone, I was really very good, but my friend off a get the fuck. Am I Oh my god like it was gone. It was fucking gone forever. The the thing that I walked around with you for all these years on, like that is done, she and it was a gone in two seconds because these other three kids rear and he was telling me yeah dudes you're, not you just exploring you, don't know what to say. Nobody taught you, nobody fucking, sat you down and told you what your penis didn't and how would a mo and all of a sudden you go to puberty and blah blah blah, and then he just from there. The sweetest sky ever
Ever ever ever my life did this guy to bring me in a couple of kids over his house I'll I thought he was going to try to fuck me to be honest with you. I always thought there was going to be that moment. Where he's going to go ahead, and let me see your car yeah yeah, I'm gonna show you how to jerk. I always thought there was going to be that moment because he would bring us over his house and we'd put furniture together like a The key issue at like stay love, records and stereos here and we will put the duff together and he make us those pieces here. Those french bread, peaches and little french cakes. He'd. Have these Oh cakes in feed us it was like a grandma and he was. He was like greatest guy I've ever met any. He changed my life and I I to be a better person and then a fuckin died just one day. they came in and they said Tom's past and he was never in my life again and then
guided, took over was just a fuckin, dildo air and then I If the couple months later and when you got enough of that guy I got I got yeah. I got around atlanta. I got around nine months of it of this amazing fucking human being that actually gave me these these moments of hope, and these these any took away a lot of maya, fucked up shit, It took away a lot of my baggage at that, but he also you know he was that guy. that wasn't that man tat. I was for I just wish I were you know? I guess it before it's like I've. Had these amazing men in my life, I've had a programme twelve years right. In a period of ten dad's. It is amazing, you know, and yeah yeah I I did the same thing cause my dad was like sort of abusive and and fucked up and absent that, like there's a lot of guys in my life, some of them better than others, yeah some them that were frankly dangerous. That did me no good, but I do
Knowing that's why I gravitate towards am. I am able to find something good about all them really yeah, so you get out of this place in india year. You gonna meetings and and you're doing the thing why went to You know you get out of place in its almost your institutionalized and I was like I thought I was gonna die I swear to god. I was I'm, I'm not I'm gonna die, I'm not gonna. Make it and I went I just went to a meeting. I want fuck and meeting. I remember The guy, the guy told me when I left rehab go to meeting Far away from me how she can't get a ride home, you can, I mean you can't walk right You have to ask somebody for red or you're gonna, be fact right found this meeting way the fuck out and I gotcha off. Remember. Larry drop me off here and because you sure you don't need a ride. I go nope and he left written you like what sixteen sixteen.
and I went to the meeting and I sat by the door panicking, and I saw a guy that I I met at a meeting. While I was in rehab and I go hey, can you give me a ride home and he went no ice. I hate that fuck till I was so what the fuck am. I Hannah them like I and then all of a sudden. This guy comes in long hair, fuckin rocker and I go can you give me a ride home and he looked at me, goes fuck yeah, over. The piano, a piano in this fuckin roma starts playing at least chicks. These you know rehab checks come over here and then we hung out until two in the morning, at a big fritz talk, sobriety and programmes are best part about fucking early sobriety. Just like fucking smokin talking drinking coffee, with whoever and you know the language in their fuckin yeah there's a contact. to the conversation. It's not weird. Now yeah
the best part and your constantly being grateful. have constantly You know I just member just talking about Every fuckin day when there is no shortage of fucked up grown ups to fuck and talk to you I remember first time ever sustained of comedy bob keen and I remember a slower loki little bob here, I'm about excited and fuckin go to this first Oh, I fuckin guy and a member that the guy not bob the other guy, whoever he was. He fucking. I was and then he I looked at him and I reached up and he touched my hand- and I was like oh, he touched me and I remember I was so that's that comedy that night and I read It- it took me out of that too. kill myself. I mean I just remembered love in it, love instead capcom me as my first time and then I would go sneak in and see sweeney read. Next,
I remember I saw SU as a gavin on stage hosting the next at next, the original nyc, the originally x upstairs sold out as great gavin's onstage hosting Gavin dog vest. He brings up steve sweeney together the two other markets are the them are up there. and I've never seen anything that funny in my life and then I think deasey DJ hazard went back to the air, and I've I was just like it was, I've never been in the room where it was just like fuckin. It was the it's fucking not like it sounds like the rat pack of boston. You know like they. You know everybody felt the community of it. It was like being at a sporting of area that you know what I mean. That's how funny it was. It was like that's the energy we were like being at the garden yeah and it was fucking crazy I remember seeing that happening and then you know and then somehow I got into this video their budget finish high school and shit. I went to college, I went, I went, there was being presumptuous,
I wish I was in the rubber rooms. I went to two classes a day in ninth grade and then I m I work my way out of that tenth grade. I was irregular classier and I was an art selden art and then Teachers love me, eleventh, grew. It was great ten, twelve grey. unbelievable a scholarship to a bunker hill community college for art. I was gonna go, be an art teacher at I, member never in trouble. I think was a week before were graduating highschool I've I got. don't call again I behind me. The guy behind me. I mean nothing. No problems for years- just excelling in doing great got a scholarship here.
With the kid behind me, was fucking with me and he's gone: hey poppy you're, a fag that was a to a faggot housing hide. This fight is stopped near a fang, and am I good enough enough? Faggot and I go, I'm not fucking around dude shut the fuck up that I snapped it's it's I pick my desk up. I threw my desk at the kid's head, one of those desks seats that are together. I pick my three you fucking gottschalk merit a yo and the teacher went Robert Kelly. I got lucky. Who fuckin asshole the whole lifetime. A rage comes up. All came. a week left and I m o walkin. I just walked down the hallway right to the principal's office in every kid
the school heard it. They were all celine, inaccurately fuck, you go home and I, MR de rossa k Bobby. What's up buddy, how are you gonna go you're gonna want it to me, this is black. then he gasped fire and music. What amaze they me graduate they suspended me for the last week. So I didn't go to school the last one, but you know what that was: that's like one of those things right. So there you are at the precipice of everything turning around and you know that fucking idea of who you were because you're fucking life it took over yeah, I'm a bad kid dear.
The fucking thing that you know I'm gay, the tom Tom kids cause. I jerked a kid off when I was very or whatever it was. I guess they didn't get rid of it yeah. It really fucking annoyed me that cock sucker, a really bug me, but yeah yeah, but then I went to bucket hillman and- and you were going to be our teacher, what kind of art were you doing? Dude I was going to be. I was going to work at a fucking, wires, macaroni vi. I could do art, I could paint I could draw, but not not at you know. So when do you start doing the comedy after bunker hill? in in back he'll me and there was a talent show and we took an rob class india, as whatever elective so we decided to do improv and that's where I met the cook This kid I was in my class and these two other kids and How and dane will best friends here. So we wrote sketches. ah- and I remember we-
we went sort improv group at Tufts university called cheap socks, and we just stole everything he did like their improv games. Whenever we just improv games, we just took their improv, we took to improv games and we wrote sketch, yeah and we rehearsed and rehearsed unrehearsed, and then we did this talent. Oh a bunker hill and one, and that was it an eye from that I turn was a bunker hill or you now he was just he was here. Yeah. I was just hanging out. He was he wasn't. Where are comics here we did improv first year. We did this group where we were da, so he wasn't doing comedy now he was we were doing stamp off for all of our first things was at catch a rising star. We all signed up on that stupid list year and, of course, dame went up and killed yeah. You know he had some fuckin bit about it. He can spell, he had speak and spell, and then I think it was the snowman bed he had some. It was like crazy enough? Yet
we did that for a cup we want to be seen comedy riot were the first group I met a group to win lawyer was that I forget. The rock of boston, show yeah. If we did that forty thousand people and we got buddhist stage that they put us on after the spin doctors and before fish here to do improv, you're no good within With no microphone we all at handheld might, but we all went on, but different colored shirts. It will we all had a guide, purple dane, had blue and we all went out with the same kind, alfred on like a little uniform and I met we turned around, and we say doing this gach and they all the sun used heard people is dead, quiet, they felt were a band We started talking and I met it just got really bad really fast. And then just shit started getting thrown at us when it was like the
crazy shit. Ever I I've never been that hated that many people in that fast at times, yeah and I remember we did. First sketch and they were like get the fuck off, but there is still like a few people gonna keep go and we like it was enough. It was enough. He'd go in here and I am a bright fuckin took my shirt off and I wait people. he does people go people. We know you didn't come here to see comedy, you came here to see spin doctors. Fish, but before leave give us for things a piss you off and jobs. Fuckin shoe lighter- Jake, I throw it more shit we are just ran off stage, It was bad, it's pretty fun. I was terrible and I member they fuckin left me out. There
to pick me about fraud. They left me I'm outside in for the old boston garden, on a pay phone as the places letting out and everyone walk and buys doin. There is just pointing at me. I was a fuckin worst. and then a life of gravity starts the of the I guess, my main addiction What, if I become a good person? If what? If what have you been, you already are a good person? What have I become really healthy? The won't then I'm not gonna, be as funny you're not going to become. What am I gonna do I'd stay. I can become people a nice never noticed nine. I think I'm fighting with the same thing, but it, but you know it is such a fuckin hypothetical. No reason to think that that will ever happen what you could get is a widow fuck in peace of mind, a little self acceptance. Now I mean, let's go crazy, you're, not gonna thinking, I happened to your to you what you're just bottom eyes yourself. Now it's just like basic management of of like e of the bull shit. That makes us crazy, which is like fuck. That guy
How come I don't have that one is mine, gonna happen, some of that could be turned down a still be the same ass, a lawyer no you're right. I mean spend a couple minutes just trying to be grateful and making attitude list. I do that. It goes away. A lot of the ship goes away. Gratitude is like one, the best one Because when you sit there like violence, I've yourself beam, resentful kind is sort like like a gradual ma. Am I like my furniture, I, like the furniture, love your target votes, zune you how I love my furniture. I got this nice house got a kid, makes me love. My grand life was ok with me. My wife is finally, I mean my wife Ass mother fucker in my life, I locked the fuck out with this girl. She is the best thing that ever happened to me. If I was If I was to go back and she's the they may have happened to me. Look good so now,
you you know, then you'd go take care of yourself a little bit and she'll be happy and you'd be even nicer. Probably maybe have sex raining yeah, maybe a little sex. you and exhausted. Every day Having sexual noticed by being I really do me am. I kidding allow issues so not fucked up shut me she's, fine, button right, but I really do exhaust this Can poor woman yeah, you got that like that, that guy get that check, dude, yeah, yeah yeah, we good we'll get something to eat. I'm hungry, let's go eat That was another addiction. I have to fight. What are we eating so healthy? We can now alright. Can I have one thing yeah? Would you want mexican I'd love I was too it thanks.
rob that guy lab robert cows am glad we had that conversation, and I you know I've been in touch with him a bit since it and right now for mary, get it right banned. Why hope? I'm right from asheville north carolina, I think, doing a song, I kind of corrode they used words of mine taken from different monologues and what not and their put it the music of the song is called. However, Can it is? You can hear more of their stuff, so cloud dot com swash the dash, get dash right, dashed band But here is however broken. Is co, written by me, mark merit. the the the
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Transcript generated on 2022-09-05.