All right. Let's do this. How are you what the fuckers, what the fuck bodies, what the fuck mirrors, what the fuck do it's, what the fuck mix what's happening on MARC Maron, this is my podcast excited to tell you that we're setting up some live events for the release of waiting for the punch words to live by and the deputy I pod cats are here. We go new york city, I will be, barnes and noble at union square tuesday evening october, tenth at seven p m. That's the day the book comes out so come by hear me and brendan: do our thing get assigned copy the book it'll be great, then san francisco comes here. as part of lit quake will be at the new mission alamo draft. How same deal we'll talk, lancer questions will sign books go to lick. digg, dot, org for tickets to that one

the announced in other events? Soon, don't forget to priority your copy of the book which now lets you entered the sweepstakes to win a cow whisper, mattress or a luggage set from away go to MARC Maron book dot com to pre order and enter also the new and mugs are in if you want to get a cat mug just like the ones I into my guests, there's a new available from our mug guy Brian Jones. They available now go to Brian, our jones dot com, to get your mug, a very fine if gift idea as well, you want a cat update. I can do that. Monkey is fine, it will be up he's got cut, busters nails, cause bus. is beaten up a monkey and scabbard him up a bit. The old guys taken it don't really know what to do about it. Squirt the little fucker with the water, now he's taken to that. So there comes a point where you have very little power over

insanity of a of a of a crazy cat. The he has in with the fonda, because we'll find is a tough little tough little fucker. The outdoor guys are fine big head seems to be coming around eyed. I got no validation. I think I brought it up to you people once before. He still got Balls and his head is enormous. Did those are those connected? Somehow sarah? seems to think so I'll believer by like to know more. If you, if you want to reach out, let it be about the existence of balls on cats in their relation to the jowls of cats, who want to fuck angry to he's fine he's out front. I see him occasionally. So that's what's happening. Sometimes these days. Where I gotta talk, I don't always know what to say, but I did get interesting email. subject line harry dean. Stanton. Did he

actually reveal more than you thought I I do not publicly Express my feelings, as I've said about my interviews anymore: we posted that Harry dean stanton with the original intro, and that was one of the last times. I really did that in terms of reflecting on the conversation this guy just said hello mark, I'm a clinical psychologist and new power asked- and I listened with interest- interview with Harry dean, Stanton a great loss maybe I'm missing the point and it was a journalistic device, but I thought you might have got a lot more out of Harry dean Stanton. Then you thought, I think he told you What is underlying pain? Was he told you that he always thought his mom loved his brother? More than him you can imagine, that would be like for person that your mom didn't love you. He then told you that

he wasn't sure whether his mom had ever seen any of his films. You can imagine what that is like for a successful actor and son, and he also told you about the broken heart which he mended and sent back to his mom towards the end of her life. Was he being metaphorical either way a symbol gesture anyway, get in touch. If you would like to explore this further best wishes and keep up the good work. I don't consider myself a psychiatrist or therapy. Is there even a journalist? But sometimes I don't I can't put everything together when I'm sitting there listening to it when I'm in the moment in the present talk thinking in engaging ninety wrath What can I do that and in a lot of times I don't listen to these things afterwards. I don't listen to the conversations brendan listens to em he's the one that puts the show together. But after I have them, I don't so. That was encouraging and in nice to hear professional in the mental health business or a professional at somebody making connections which I do

the present, but he was hard for me made. connections. So I don't know I'm not to demand horn. I wasn't there to ask of eight harry dean's. You know psyche we're just there to have a conversation which I, as I said, I was a little tricky for me, but it was I said that that was put into perspective and contacts and now- and now I feel better about it. That's it that's a good cycle. I should get in touch with that guy to see on a regular basis. I wonder: what's he's in because you just made me feel ok about I do and am I in securities. and maybe I shouldn't have them relation to that which I don't occasionally I'll. Tell you a man without became without the caffeine in the coffee form. Without you know her yeah, they do to you tat. You. I a little raw.

I mentioned that I pete davidson on the show today what a what a great guy, what a great kid can I say that gray kid that pete davidson. I can say that being condescending. Compare Do me a kid he that was a that was a that. That's a hell of a talk. We had it's coming up here. Second, oh there's another thing, while back must be years ago. Already I had one of my favorite illustrators on drew Friedman. He is a. I would call him a satirist he's done several books. and he's done amazing, portraits of people there very disturbing and compelling sent a series of the old jewish comics book ceased. He, the jury's, got a lot of books out, but nonetheless he did a portrait of me. Day a while back in that debt in and of itself was an honour, but he has put the portrait of me in his new book called chosen. People drew friedman shows,

but I'm in the company of frank zappa, howlin, wolf, muddy waters, s clay, wilson, Jeff, ross, comic artist, Chris ware, oliver stone Barbra streisand? Who else is in here? So many towns in here, zero, mostel and gene wilder Elaine may, the show marks dessert. I love the I love I love his portraits ernie kovacs, wow anyway camels in here too loud old comics. Why entry interesting choices? I tell you that, but I am thrilled and honored to be a part of the collection. Just telling you just tell he's got a picture of his dad in there. The the the brilliant dark writer bruce Jay Friedman, so anyways, not a paid for plug, but I just wanted to put it out there that I I

definitely honored to be part of that collection. One thing meeting your heroes is another thing drawn by one of your heroes and then yet another thing to be put in his book right. That's right, Pete davidson got pretty real with me here, and I really love talking to him. He is he's a sweet kid. I say that if that not insult p, good kid you're good. I, like your good kid. a grown man, but there he is part of forty third season of Saturday night live, which premieres September thirtieth on NBC, with host ryan, gosling and musical guest. Jay Z, and this is me talking to PETE davidson in the here: I am always amazed when people my age still smoke- god bless no way after a certain point with cigarettes where you don't feel like this, just killing me know: yeah, absolutely yeah

usually what I meant that, like at night, when you're watching tv v and you're on your back and you're like wheezing- and then, for some reason it doesn't go away unless you smoke another cigarette god Are you going back and forth on the vape to the thing I quit six for like three months and then like I had one with nothing though you quit nothing, I might go innovate. Are you doing you weren't off the nicotine? No, I wasn't off the nicotine, but I had one at work and then, and then I was like you know what I'll just have another one in dover, we have one. It really is over. You got you got the thing now. Then you got the bug. Oh yeah yeah. I do things are the most extreme, the any just like there's no right like. If I think about I can again there's no sort of like We are here in the right back in a fucking him and when I think about having a beer, unlike Y know, Do that every day right wait? Why would you not do it every day? Right we same thing. Why would I know Do it every day. Why not? I know that's the way the brain works.

just have to feel like I get my stuff done, yeah right now, kinda, but like we can do that, because now we do this yeah we've get. You got a little more space, but then you start to wonder it's like. Am I doing all this stuff? It could be dry vengefully with we don t know. I guess what your experience was with it. I just I did my brain very active and, like my perception, feel good and everything, but I don't know I start to feel like I'm act from from real life. You know like from liking. You wake up. You, like I dunno. If I'm I'm still high, my still high and then you die and you're always like one step to the side, everything which is nice, yeah, we want to observe like that, but sometimes you just want to be like on right, yeah and you can't cause you're like stuck yeah for like days yeah exactly I used to smoke weed every single day all day for eight years, eight year until like last year, when did you start that

How old are you now? I am twenty three, oh so you're like a year young. So when you're like in fifteen or something yeah, I was like sixteen and I started smoking weed because I just didn't have any friends and then I got invited to this because I was around the clock as I lived around the corner ear and I was like actually around when the person invited another person and I've never been invited before so I was just like fuck it I'm going to go and they were all like twenty twenty years old and I was like sixteen and they were smoking weed and I was like became like their little man, the area. Where do you live with them? For I get my cats don't get. I waited grants. Let's get paid style. Funny, man, that's the worst feeling when you kind of get invited to something big. Just as you're area, hey you wanna go yeah yeah you can yeah yeah? When I was like sixteen, I never been invited before I was like fuck it yeah I'm going to go caught when I got home because I was wearing sunglasses know yet does a giveaway at ten?

at night when you're, a teenager, yeah mama hung wearing sunshine is like asking advertised. I hear your mom yeah. So like what's good, I don't know the whole history. You wait. Where'd you grow up. I grew up in staten island you're. The issue that I can you get tell me some shit about dead. Now. Ok, it's a terrible place marked its now I've. Ever we pick some joking when it just because that's not that's. The reputation gets you're, not surprising anybody. Nobody like all my god. I thought staten island was a vacation island. Here's this! I told my girlfriend this the other day together still were together. Ok yeah and I had like this realization I was cause like I always there was something wrong with me right. My whole entire life like I have no friend you know I've been to like three different schools: everybody he hates me, everybody hates me, no very like me. So it has to be me right and then I left staten island and I was like he was literally everybody else. Really it was everybody else it was.

so- you mean everyone hated staten island. No, I just take it. I just think it was a bad place eyes like. I always thought there was something wrong. There is something wrong with me break. I was like a campi everybody right like right. every single person hates me. So it was unique to staten island that everybody didn't like you, yeah yeah, like everybody, there was a trump person, yeah pre like pretty much writes the only red place in new york, while my feeling of was the only other guy. I know from staten island eddie pepper tone and you know when I was in new york. You know you of course everyone knows the dump is there yeah, but then there was it is the young you just saw like while wider, like mafia. There is a lot of cops there. It was this week. the place where it was just sort of like just like you know your criminals and cops and your alpha monsters roaming, the streets with they dump in the background, but

are the people? Why were you there was the family from their my whole family was born and raised your grandparents varies or they moved to jersey like later on, like Fifthly, I think everybody was a jersey that you know. That's ten ireland is to get out you gotta jersey, that's like the dream of a staten island family like one day, will retire to the shore nea and move to jersey. Yet like yeah jerseys nice, I can't bad mouth jersey. I've grown because it is in my past and my grandparents have. There has been a lot of my childhood there and yeah me too. It's nice, I mean it's like you know it's very, green is very washer was fruit. I remember. Maybe that was just my grandparents are always a lot of fruit around. No, not my, not your family know a very irish, very unhealthy family. Well did that did they have stories

when staten island was great. I dont know what they loved it. Everybody from staten island, that's live there and still lives. There seems to love it. I guess it's a like minded thing. Yeah, like my friends like like my group of like people, yeah like my age, gruner are the first ones I think to start to realize that kind of sucks, because I we're the generation yeah. I remember being I'm like. What's everyone got pictures of other places yeah? What's the internet happened you're, like oh look, no yeah. What's like, I think it finally dislike trump thing. I think really fucked everybody, oh yeah, yeah. I think it really like separated a lot of families and oh yeah. Look at people differently. Oh yeah, yeah, on like a intellectual I think one not sure what is going to take to get people to turn on this guy. But some people are at stake. Ridiculous. We have all family or is the commitment to, I think those type a new yorkers? I don't know they just

they let you know, let I'm off the hook for everything as they like his attitude, rather very specific type of new york I know yeah my family's the type of people that are like oh he's, hilarious, right, right, right and also they're, like fuck them yeah fuck yeah yeah. They like it, never gets excite right it s got nothing, do a policy or lying or or it's all swag, Yeah wagon bigotry and there's right and there's definitely a certain time. White queens. I imagine staten island, racist guy. right, everyone knows, yeah like show here like most of those people. You have that generate sheiks to them. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, it's a it's an old new york type. It used to I'm just sort of surprised at what surprised me most about him is just how how the the sort of you're right wing christians of latched onto him because there you have it their window? So they're like with both make a deal with literally satan right,

to meet our agenda? I ve never met it. I've never seen a more say panic. I just a charming guy that never speaks a word truth and you know he's come we we morally bankrupt and people, I love this guy yeah. It's insane actually is the devil it. So the point where I don't even know what to say about it more regard talk about just it keeps going. It's part of the plan, though, to get us all exhausted and frightened it's terrible working. I can't think about anything else, it just shoved down your throat? You keep it. You keep working at the farm. I just keep looking at it. It's like so cute, just reading articles all day, yeah, it's something! I can't do anything about. That's right, the power to change anything yet, but I'm so infatuated rolls and for me, it's hard to filter because a lot of times it's the same article taken on by a bunch of different angles, opinion pieces were Is this a real article is someone's point. Okay like I have to differentiate. You just go by the quick bet. You just go by the headlines. Like fuck, staten island, so you there yeah, they are

weird darkness of staten island, and you know you're so When you were growing up your mom do what you want. Your dad was in the was in the fire department when you were a yeah. My dad was a fireman and my mom was a nurse very typical staten island type. worked to the hospital instead and I at the hospital on staten island, actually a nice lady. The sweet, lady, ok, my mom's, the best I'll kick your yes she's very, very, very nicely. I dont, like knowing the nurses or monsters now not been good, boy that now he the whole divide a vibe the of right right, awful. I think this seems off if you don't, like Z, aims like right like we're on the walking dead first starts, go outside. You look around it's just very desolate yeah. It feels exactly like that. Everytime I get over the bridge and you know the dead people yet be here on areas the guarantees go was still at the pizza players. Still like twenty five years. All still my puts up

pussy fuckin come back home. All still like that way, think how to have around is filled with people who peaked in high school right. That's what I don't like this. Seventeen year old macho me out that they carry through the run you I've, fucked grow made, gave got a pregnant and elect proud arriving re. Everybody has babies when they like nineteen and I stopped family and then they make those people like that, like them the their exact and that's why I keep getting worked as most people haven't, let there are born that don't leave, they never go to the city. I people are weird city. The first time I went. I was like what the fuck is this place. This is insane people sell hotdogs on the street. How old were you? fuck it like. Fourteen years old they were, for I mean I wanted a city like once it like twice to see the tree had ever more. I gave you know that, doesn't it it feels like a mom ripe trip right, but as a separate kind of person by saw I fuckin flipped out, it was the crazy

How can we live with? Was that long nose, incredible fourteen, yet It's like you were like in prison. Yeah. I've never been to really brooklyn and likes that island, but that's pretty much What is yes family and during my dad worked in brooklyn heights, that was, fire house was oh, he was so every you I'd go over there. So when you were a kid, go to firehouse and shit. I want a bunch. I really like the firehouse. I was like really green and was also like. You know it was cool. hold your fire houses in new york are spectacular, yeah. They they're just so glorious it's really cool and like heroes Everybody loves fire, yep yeah Is that one that There is one there's one down by the old them on third street. You know that used to be Next to the Boston, comedy club, I think that anderson cooper made into a condo and then there's that one

there's one right on, like you know, like a third in like bowery, there's a big beautiful one. my favorite buildings in new york yes, I mean the really old. I think so. was a fireman. I guess most people know what happened but wait right, how what happen so he died, nine eleven right so painful in a building play. I saw plain flew into a billion right, rather than they were actually the first truck over the bridge tat struck where, because it was right next to the world trade centre, be because it brooklyn heights and write again right right right, so they were like one of the first people there near the whole, pretty much the whole firehouse was gone and how old were you seven? So you knew all these guys. Yeah, like you'd, go to the station house. They were like my friends yeah. You know. I was there all the time so fucking awful dude yeah. It was pretty rough anal orifice,

I I don't know that you, you ever really fully get over something like that. So, like your seven, so you can barely process what happened, well, all I knew was I got. Everybody started getting picked up from school for lie in staten, island staten, island now and my dad worked and my mom was working so like I was like one of the last people you picked up. Ye who picked up. My mom picked me up yeah and then I just went to, I think my mom's cousin's house, and then she was like you're not allowed to watch tv she's like no tv for you. So I thought I was in trouble me. I didn't know what was going on. I asked so I didn't she rallied in quite know either right now nobody really knew and drank a week or so really by Heaven by the time you got picked up. Both towers had fallen, I'm pretty sure yeah, I'm pretty sure what a what a

We were all set, so nobody was telling us what was going on just a bunch of waiting around like schools done and we all like awesome, yeah, let's get outta here. You know I didn't really find out. I was just like eventually like a day or two went by from what I can remember and I was like where's dad right like she had to explain and my parents just got divorced that point like six months ago. He just been through that, so it was just really rough, then, and then it started to look like it was starting to get used to both sides. Not happen, then, like you know, my mom was like if he comes home we'll get back together. A was wasn't, really cool and was three so like it was like. my guide, so so your mom said, like he noted to sort of buffer it. She said if he comes back we'll get back together, though hope was swear. She was probably deep in her mind like don't want to be alive. I don't want to get back now now now I was very what what what what were they liked together? Do you remember from what I can remember? I was sex. I have like a year me.

Your memories, lambert and picture than I remember a happy family. Remember once in a while. I will I remember them fighting and I remember like hiding under my bed yeah, maybe like a handful of time gray, and then I just remember them being like: hey we're not going to live together anymore, and I was like. Oh okay, yeah yeah, so I don't really was he close by ah yeah. He wasn't too far yeah but that they haven't I few months before the the horrible things are probably happened like it. I would say nine once the most, so I m so, when your mom tells you that you that neither working without she said that they're, you know they're still looking for people, how she framework, she was like yeah, we don't know he could be under something a row as at this point we're just like cause. They haven't found. They didn't find l rough time, finding people

yeah, there was weeks of that. Maybe there's still people alive in the racket yeah. So there was like a rumor that, like he was there's a hotel on there or like some sort of lobby there right and he was allegedly seen helping a bellhop and a group of people. Alright, I dunno if it was a bellhop, some sort of a bellhop type guy, so we thought maybe he was like trapped in a kitchen, he was like food everywhere and just chill and wait a while. You made a lot of shit when you're a kid. So so then, when did he really sort of like sink in? I don't have a lot of it. I don't remember, but I know it was like probably a week or two where we were just like everybody devastated yeah and the like, and here's how shitty that island kids are yeah. I still got picked on like the next day and they knew yeah. Did they pick on you with that? No, but does still mean just still like fuck this kid like. I actually had one kid feel like. He actually became my friend for a little bit and he was like

inviting you over, because my mom told me to because your dad died. That, though, he was in third grade was like okay, also received friday after school, that fucking harper was fucking awful. Why did they pick I need to begin with one particular vulnerability that they all decided to build. Bully live was funny. Looking yeah, I used to rip my hair out of my head before or after after so you know, I have won four straight like bald, headed, like I had you know like I'm, ripping your hair out at all my hair out. Do you know what compelled you to do that? I don't know it's just like a tick after that happened. I just couldn't stop real early and ripping my hair out what else what other things happened like physically hmm, I don't remember I was I know as I was in therapy. Like the you know, I was in therapy a few months before it happened because they divorced family thing yeah and then it just progress like I just continued with guy same lady and then just like when

happened, since all the kids were so young. I think, like a lot of like one time this these doctors from my claudio, I came over my house and like interviewed me and I think they were doing a lot of well. Research may be studying this regarding the nine eleven kids yeah, and they would ask me like really fucked up questions they would like be like. Do you think your dad's alive, though, like the the geese like out there yeah, that how you like my own, if he is he's a dick. im hanging out there, yeah yeah knock on wood one, but like yeah. It was like a lot of like I'm going to like cornell, really like a bunch of kids, and I assume I had a really rough time. I don't know how anybody else really handled it, but, like I, don't have to go all the way to the city to do like that. Yeah so like it was

there are other kids in your neighborhood that lost their parents. No, I didn't really know anybody until there was this nine eleven camp that they get out. This is called america's camp really camp for all the children who lost a parent really it was fucking. Also dude who's sick? How like the hereafter, whence you may be two years after they started it or a year after arriving a win for like until everybody turned like seventeen and three well every year I went for five years. I think my mom waited like two or three years to see cause. She was too like scared me, but then, once you went- and it was like just all these kids that are all pretty much the same age, but that sort of like amazing, it's unclear. It was incredible. It was a really good time in my life and I have a lot of good memories from that and all the counselors they come from all over the world. So

people from like ireland, wales, really welsh people and like people from england, like hardly any like americans. How many kids of yours would be like, maybe two three hundred and really I'm pretty sure, that's like a beautiful thing, yeah cause and then, like my sister started, going cause. She got with enough and then we went together yeah. It was really really sweet and it was just a regular camp. Did you did any of you guys? Are the kids talk about it? I mean? Was there any like? Did they sorta hanging over the camp? You all knew why we were there for, like, I think, like one of the main rules was like, don't yeah it like so big in your face. Here's ice cream or whatever I like, but there would be like moments where, like at the end of the camp like last night, where they had white campfire or what raha and they're, like you know why we're all here and they have like very nice like poems and people read stuff and they had like taylor swift performed at

camp, but she was like fifteen right ever like so they got. People are common play in those really goes really nice. Beauty have been the worst fucking thing ever at. It could have been really bad but yeah. Yes, it was really a matter of of how it was run. You know I hope divine bad. If everybody which is in the miserable but your kids yeah, I think they did a really good job distracting tee and they also they had like this room called like the volcano room here, which is just like a bunch of punch in bags and like real, like smash,

our friendly break walls and light and more that popular yeah was very far from it was all. I was always like it. We fully by kayaking they billing anybody want to go. We have ten places the like walking in a room we sold out thursday evening align around the corner, go hit, shit yeah, that's like a beautiful, so you're always and girls all ages. I guess what sixteen seventeen of the sixteen seventeen and then, if you turn sixteen seventeen, you become a councillor, but you can do that. I did for like a year, oh yeah, yeah for like one of the last year and how sr. How does this? Does your sister have any memories of this stuff? Did she process it differently than you? I don't think she knows who the dude is yet to be honest, right right, but it def. We felt, sir, but I dont know if, like my sister, I really like the closest right yeah like you since, like I moved out and like were kind at that she's in college, on doing this. To answer for your difference, a mere. So you know we talk about. It obviously makes her sad byron.

I feel like. If she knew it's worse for her or. or better right. I don't know I could see like the positives to both sides. Not yet could you have a little bit of a memory? Is I personally, I would like to not no right. I wish I was in her position, didn't know the guys at the fire high ass. He didn't know, you know the daddy yea, our to just start, no dat yeah. How maria do that instead of watches, because that kind of tommy will like death is near way too young in a way yeah that life could just be taken. You know like usually we get to high school a couple of kids. You know kill themselves in there, yeah right now had a car accident. You kind of like grandparent die yeah you, you start like realize, like. Oh, okay, we're, not invincible like right out the fucking gate, something that global yeah horror at a time, the biggest biggest tragedy that half way is in in a waterway sleep. You know it it's it's completely. It's definitely top three year here. It's right up.

as tragedy people we fight about it all the time at our meetings, but yeah, but but you know it it. It is it's astounding I can't stories just beautiful I I wonder whose idea that was. Do you know no, exactly whose idea was where was it? It was in massachusetts on like a lake. One right. I got a real man went there here. and yet it was well for like two weeks, for we know, is a weak a week a week is phenomenal, unlike all these people from all over the world, for your seeing you know like a global community or land that is just as whole group dress. Then ever every council was just like in crime. Well yeah like so sweet and like there was no problems. It was really nice, a great story yeah so like as you go, so you're you're doing the campbell every summer, but you know you're still in high school and he's still getting shit. And then you know what what's playing

our view in high school round in retrospect that you can attach to you know the the tragedy, how my in school. We and I'm acting out a lot in elementary school. I acted out a lot. I was like a note is like a crazy kid. Yeah people would laugh at me and with me, like I would I was do that- would make someone laugh and then keep hammering away at the same thing, stopping and then everyone stopping everyone eventually is like dude we're trying to like study like he fucking like chill yeah a year. It was like, and then I got to high school. I kind of was like quiet and I started doing like these videos for the news tat only owning here school yet on the football team in and make like a highlight tape. What like music in the background, strader mia, no funny, not no funding rather just like him, yeah. I think the music to the heads

learn, and yet we have fun and we would like these videos are incredible, but nobody knew who I was right and then once people found out who was they didn't like me? Why I don't know I don't, it must have been my fault. There must have been something that I was doing cause like. I can't explain to you like the the this. If this is the reason, it means, like you, don't know what it was. I really do I mean like. I was I like. Probably annoying yes was I acting out yes, but I wasn't like a mean person or like you're, probably kind of like I, I think from acting out after certain point: there's an annoying element to it, but then you realize that person, probably you'll, find I believe in secure needs attentions what something. So why not boy that kid you're, not I bet like obviously person you invite somewhere on you avoid at that time you know

Why did you like? I did I have like one friend. You know we would hang it we wouldn't go out. We were invited places to sleep over each other's houses and like watch tv in movies have echoed doing he's good. Is well good. I don't talk too much, but we like we're still friendly, he's very supportive and very nice yeah. So Wendy you take this step to you know to perform to actually perform, as opposed to just acting out to act out with a context. Well, I was always a huge fan of comedy like I saw eddie murphy delirious when I was like ten. video. I've got a dvd. My mom thought it was an eddie murphy movie and we used to have like a one in the car I taught us tahoes that have sure so we were playing it and she was obviously flipping out the language and everything she was cool when she was like you could watch it like wrong or less like not around just sister, and I was like ten. Off on our side got very into got very say:

she gave you a little longer leash, yeah, yeah, yeah, sure that'd be good, been through a lot yeah. Let him watch that and that and that planted the seed yeah. Then I just became like obsessed and I've. It was to the point where I could do the whole special, oh really yeah and then dane cook came out yeah. like thirteen beer or team, and I was there. I was day cells, the time that was like the time. I've never even heard of like a comedian like ones coming out ragging out. Yet he was a really big fuckin deal here till like especially kids like yet like we would go nuts. I answer tat. I want you, yeah everybody would lose their mind and and then, when I was like sixteen, I was in high school. We didn't tell Dana I I did. I did tell him how to take it. Yeah. Well he's you know he

most yeah yeah yeah, that's a funny thing. When you start reading heroes, yeah, oh yeah, yeah you get to do that right, yeah! You get to do the jimmy that he never not yet. I met him once at an snl thing. It was like right before the fortieth year anniversary special and he was there and I just went up to him. I was like hey man just wanted to shake your hand like just like yeah nice to meet you see later, and he was like how old you was like twenty it's like you're, going to be just fine, that that's what it'll be justified. That's really cool yeah yeah yeah, so he knew you were on the show. He was like who's, the annoying yeah. It was for the first time you know once I started doing comedy is when I started making friends right. That's why I met people that were exactly like me, and most comics also have a pretty hard pack of one kind or another something's off a jury and very specific yeah yeah. You use token

tromp everybody else, yoga comedians it. So I go they'll be like I understand how they are going. I'm going through. This is well, I get it. So I am mediately just like loved stay when, where how did it happen that you first did it If there was, I was on a basketball team and we good I was. I was good. It was good, I'm not like great, and I could hit three pointers and I could play defense. I couldn't dribble or like do anything super cars. You could, though, huh yeah yeah, and there was like a stand up. Competition in staten island at this place called the many been the looney bin is a comedy club in sight of a bow bowling alley. I've done bowling alley next to allay fitness I'll, go Anna Wendy's,

so like who were the acts? Did you ever been there before I've never been there? I just I just went my friend, how old are you? I was sixteen turkey and doing my back. The other kids on my basketball team is two kids out would like be mean to me in front of the team yeah that like when we were alone like him, any you should do that stand up there like there. It was very weird I took it so weird where you you realize that that that some of the fucking shit talk is just like Eden, they still like yeah they still like me. Yeah there was like there was like two kids on the team and there was one kid on my bed. I play basketball. My whole life until I was a junior in high school, and this kid was always nice to me, and our parents were. Parents was friends and we would hang out, but if we were ever in front of anybody, I would just get abused yeah for no reason

and then afterwards he'd be like hey, hey man, you know, I love you yeah right yeah, but why don't? Why? Don't you tell them that you? You know we hang out all the time you get you get you get. It was so bad. Then he can do, about now. I find it funny right, pretty yeah. Why I imagine like he must have been sort of like you know the effect of getting parent and having that weird kind of need in bonn ability and wanting to be friends with people yeah. I saw you someone like me like. Like me, I was like please I'm looking for any reassurance in anything

and just that island was the wrong place to be at that time. For that it doesn't come in yeah. You know yeah, there's not a billboard when you get over the bridge, the staten island, home of supportive people yeah. I was even kind of the odd man out at that camp over on now combine milk where you know It's like maybe early on, but then like like the first couple of days, but then eventually imagine what it must have been interesting in the camp, because you probably have the kids of of of public service people yeah, but also the kids have wealthy. You know investors. Why is everybody? The class diversity must have been profound, but also everybody was from somewhere else, but staten island and they all seemed to have like friends at home and like stuff like this. So like it was all still you were there representing gm. I get that wild, so I'd so

What do you do when you go? Do the comedy? So I went there and there was like six people in the audience and went. I went onyx, that's good that stays to a mom was at the bar. I don't let her come in here. I know when o k o k, Okay is good for eight yeah. That's like three people laughing yeah, that's good! That's! Okay! There was a couple of people laughing and what were you doing? Jokes? I was doing jokes like about. Like my dad. You know I don't remember exactly. When was I used to do this joke about him? I had a mongoose and I used to my mom, so I asked her if I can get a car yet he said I can get a mongoose and I got all excited and then obviously I failed. It was a bike used to be like an arm sixteen, so we know where I met a cougars. He has like twenty rolled a very happy about it. Is good, as you got the benefit of the doubt as your kid you're gonna they work can be they organise,

your friends right assholes to you like there are always going to be like look at a kid trying to do so. The kid act worked until I was like eighteen yeah and all of a sudden it stopped, and I actually had to start writing jokes right cause. I thought I would be able to like skate by I didn't do so right when he did it yet you you realize like this, is it yeah? I I was like this seems like a lot of fun. I would like to put as much effort and time into this as I can yeah. I stopped doing the basketball thing near school every day. I would go to the city to do open. Mics you did like to three years really so yeah I'd traveling you now. What was this stomach problem? You had add crowns but that's all it's in the research is dad died on nine eleven have clear, crohn's disease in design, ass, adele thrones, that's a good via that's the buyer! as announced always the afterthought. Whenever anybody ever talk right now, eleven nine eleven round, crappy tommy nine eleven

What the hell is that me. I know I don't know, and I know one person, maybe you had it. It's like this disease, where you you get you shit all the time when you lose lot away, any feel really sick industry. It always hurts, is a stress related or the disease, or what it's I I am told. I have a disease, I think stress makes it worse sure, but you know I got it when I was like. Maybe seventeen in seventeen just out of nowhere yeah and it was really bad, maybe even younger. It was really bad for, like three years until we stop going to like staten island doctors and like we went to this guy in the city and then immediately fixed Really, you immediately fix law. What were they do not stand? I don't know I people looking at my, but all the time I do it all is shit like nothing was worked out, he's getting sicker and said you're like a lot like try to made a little bit better, but then this guy

and this just go to the city got this thing called remicade when an I v drip for like three hours yeah and you just sit there and then you feel good for like a month or two, and then you get another one So that is why, as I would have thought it was they were just like. We were one and I don't know what we do at the end and only whatever and my mom was a nurse or should I go to my friend Ghana's another. If Randolph your radio in staten island, you would think it so close to real medicine. I know this real medicine bridge away. It's like it's crazy. It's I think it's indicative of probably a bigger problem in the health services and certain communities you know. So you know if the control we gotta under control. Now they still do it. Do I still do yeah. There are still shit here or it used to be. thirty forty times a day how my year, when it was at its peak, come I gap, and yet my ass off this looks like a porn stars, ass. All issues like a gap.

I always lot of law, always open lot of flood yeah yeah. So yes like two three as it would be like for in all my would, but I normally it was the point where it was normal, just drive It's your right now. I got like once a day like a person like a person, no good, and it is incredible I do agree that it's going to hurt some people's feelings out there who have crohn's disease- or you know twice a day yeah, I don't know sometimes twice israel do their treatment. I still do the treatment, it's good, that they have something yeah, it's incredible. So now if you're smoking, weed you're on an ivy, you go into the city, yeah do stand up What it was doing a lot of like lower east side, any comedy clubs, one east ville, oh he's very broad ways goes like at the worst sound air yogi, it's a nice little room, but you I didn't put oak rug devil. Would it suckin tiles crazies when he first start, every room is incredible. Yet you're like the site is place exists. I get

before? I start? I ll go to issue like as its around the corner from where I stand to york. Sometimes just drop in their in, like I went there like you, is that it was the date right before I did carnegie hall. I went in there with. Our gets a tank, I just bomb, I needed this is good about it. You're going to be all the more I need to be humboldt. They eat. Comedy club it's one of weird rooms of the sound just bounces around a bit yeah you were doing like that. But when did you get into the shower? the nato after us and outright know before oh good. I got lucky who championed you who champion Norton know who was it? I think my agent did it and really yeah and she and sd just liked you. She got We are lucky yeah. I was like eighteen and she wouldn't. Let me into my h b o half hour and even then it was conditional. ten years in jail right now. I hear stories of people that, like it took me like seventy two I just I kind of just walk right in and then it was hit.

is there still like to the point where, like I'm, I I'm wary now yeah to call inverse butts cause? I like it, I told just show up I think I can show you I can absolutely, but there was a period there like you know, after the podcast and after liking. I'd done it. You know. I was a known guy where I was we put in, because I didn't know like I forget- which day to call- and I had this fear that would be in new york for two days and I just want to sit there and you know- eat the fuckin. You know at the wings, the wings or whatever and in the chicken skewers and just hang out with my friends and do like seven spots over right on my fears, I'd call up cheese. I have you. In thirty on friday and can't do escalate. Yeah was just the one. Thirty hasn't really started to. I know, but I just didn't want to be that guy, like you know, saturday, mark cohen, is in town and John Joseph is, he is an attack.

It has to do when you have a combat ship like why you know come by yeah yeah, because you don't put me now, but the fact that I am being mean she yeah she's got the sweetest yeah yeah she's the alien and the place seems good. I just I don't think they put in there. When I go, I should just go over and do a set yeah yeah away. I don't know over yeah, but did you do the stand? Did the stand for awhile What else was around stand in new york stamp new york? Your runner and I was like a big hike, though for me right for us, I understand you, you, when you get in there you're in, like the financial district, going all the way up to seven. Seventy eight! It's like what the fuck so is primarily the seller east will stand in all our doubts eyes like eighty so justly mostly box. A real in, like comics, would have to link the comic shoves yeah yeah, I'm it shows and then like. I did a couple bring your shows and then I kind of realised that, like those aren't really the way to go,

trying to work new material work, new material up and all I know you. I know I want a comic here and you get on it. Are. You became this guy that, like you know that we like this guy, could bring twain people moliere basking in the area, and I was like they want a book me yeah. You wear Your friend? Yet none of my friends come to this day because of the first year of stand am aware you will watch. It was awful. There was nobody there as like they're, like no I'm not going to do the same same that didn't the last time they're like I'm, not doing that to drink? They won't even watch you on snl, that's hilarious, so finally start to kind of come into your own. When did he and when did this hour happen? Who else would you start with? You got friends that came up jordan rock, oh yeah, ricky as him who else was Velez. order had an solar he's like

I been doing it way longer than me and is a way better com, but we all kind of started like pop off a little bit. When can you find the dudes that you're hanging out with you know the women whatever, but really the people that are your generation? Yeah yeah, like your group, a guy best yeah doing like open mics together we getting the challenges of each other and stuff good joke, asshole, yeah yeah! Absolutely you want to tag yeah, alright and then you'll get mad. If they give you a tag, yeah yeah, then, if it's good you're like fuck, music areas. As you all know, one I was never go I was right if I ever suggests, If anything to anybody, it'd be the worst thing, they'd go. Do it and just be like that? Not only did that bob like it made people unhappy like I dunno, I thought it was funny, though I guess I have a different way of doing it. So what How does how does snl happen?

are you working as a comical you goin out? I was a girl I owed where I was getting a lot of doing well getting spots. I would have like five on a friday. at five on a saturday, this hour, yeah and then like two every day during the week, I'm having it every day. Right and I was coming in from san ilo. Now, when I moved to brooklyn heights, whereas lake seventeen eighteen year- and I want to call it for a year where at saint francis yeah brooklyn near and then after, like to second my software, you after you semester, I just stopped yeah, I got it an empty shell, and also that there was a guy code or somebody agitate. That's gonna agent. I got an agent. Someone saw me opening for when I was on the show right and then they offered me you know, and it wasn't like crazy. It was just like I was like. I have to put all my effort into this year. Right now. You figure actually go anywhere right and then, if it doesn't, I could oh, what was that show was it's just like talking heads.

You know like in front of a green screened is like a hip, hop, beat and you'll. Like girls talk, crazy? Very you would hate it yeah I mean I don't like it now. I remember those and just when I was coming up or yeah, I was already well into it like on v, H, one like the eighties and nineties yeah this. seventy whatever it was. They just asked comics to work for nothing. Yeah and you'd. Go like three hundred bucks. Yeah yeah just go up there and rant when you're sort of a. Megan! You have some talent and they don't know what to do with you. Your manager always has you do like things like? Well, you know there do they want you to host these segments on v h, one right, you know and then you're there and they put putting clothes. You don't want to wear chloe and you're doing like toni, braxton bio and I'm like what the fuck happened. Panda make can't Embarrassing, but you know it all adds up yeah. I think I must have learned something yeah, I'm very lucky that that stuff that really yeah yeah like you, It's gotta be that talking head guy yeah, it's the advantage of being very young

but being also your kind of a character. So you know you got it. You know as young, but you know you got. You got your own groove right, you know Is it your unique? So so I t do the mtv thing and then I got to I met nick cannon and he signed me for a little bit yea and I used to open for him here for like a year or two. And that was fun he signed you. What want me to say he was my manager deadweight he's a comic I don't kind of. I mean like he's one of those guys that does everything here, and so he, whenever he decided to do, stand up I'll, be as guy, and I would help him like bright, stuff, so he was your manager, yak of so. Why did you they got him. Just as I was that resume goes like seventeen eighteen lino, no united, nobody was rhino, arrive, arguing,

dora when I at all I just one of the many seemed like a really nice guy in an open forum for him like a year or two and I did his show wild and out, which is like a hip, hop, improv show which was really uncomfortable for me and against me, the whenever I hear you the name wilder now. Would you have to do it's like dissing people wrap rap yo yo shirt is whack, yeah, yeah, mother fucker. I bet your mom comes from so and so did you did you write them or was it improv? I know everybody would write them yet you know before

Is that where you a rap fan where you rap I'm just not that guy right, I'm not like y'all. Let me tell you something: you know, I'm really not that guy and like it was like embarrassing. I felt really embarrassed yeah. What sucked was they were all so excited and so good at it the rest of the cast, and then I became friends with Amy Schumer yeah and she gave me a tiny little part in train wreck right and I met bill Hader and then bill haters seem to like me from that. What were you in trainwreck I saw it. I was like a ruse like an extra stick like where I was like, laying on a bed in the hospital. What happened to you, like, I tripped on a bar. around athletes, yeah right right right. I so I guess he liked it and then I got a coil did get a call from my and they were like a bill. Hader recommended you to lorne michaels for snl and I've never

that's something I never even like had a dream about, because it's so not me, I, like, I don't know how to act or ike carry Your impression look like anyway record only talk well, my dick and my mom s voice So I was like still I'm still at that point by the way, as hell don't have much to talk about, I haven't lived anything what yet and now I just work and I'll, never going to experience life ever a big fear of mine anyway, back to the story that you know so I didn't think much of it and I auditions you know on a stand up on a show where everybody the characters near that it was the kind of eusebius something in the city right and it went ok- and I was like oh maybe They'Ll- like make a mistake and make me a writer,

I, like writing them. Hiring me at all would be like probably a mistake for them. So I was like you know. Maybe I could slide into the writers like do a year then get fired right. You know that was like our point to a hannibal as that'd be awesome yeah, so they called me in. Oh, I got a callback in the audition at at the studio. studio. Air, which is sure you know, is a dark room here therein there, but they are not asking him to stay at its quiet here and you're. Just you know, freestyle owing to a camera here. So I just did likes stand up again: and you know there was no laughter or anything very much, so I just walked out as soon as weight of laura in the dark yeah. I just felt like okay, I didn't get this yeah, that's that's just what happened. We had to sit in somebody else's dressing room and look at how cool my life could be and To do that, I was very like appreciative for even getting to do that and then

I got a call again to meet with the writers limit. They might want to make you a writer yeah, and I never saw an before I still at this point. You still have one now I can't now I get and now I know it but I never really answer. But before I got the show, I didn't know about it real. I didn't know what it was. I love that which is really bad to say, but, like you know, I just I didn't grow up really watching it. Yeah I watched spongebob yeah yeah, yeah, well, drake and Josh yeah. You know we had a nickelodeon show, so I you know. I I had a like comfortable and you're like what nineteen mike yeah nineteen and the main, just like you know, make sure you go in there and say like what your favorite stuff is from the show for the ride

a meeting with the writers and before just youtube, snl yeah, and then I saw like all these. The will ferrell jeopardy sketches here. I've seen all those on youtube right. So I have seen the show I didn't know because it was everything was on youtube or right. So I just thought they were weird. right, right, yeah yeah, so I said those and I said sandler everything he does and then they were like we'll get back to you yay and then I called him to meet with Lauren yeah and I go in. There and are you nervous, feel the weight of it or you? It's still like in essence, doesn't mean that much to you, I did it's not that in meaning. It would be incredible. It's just. I have no idea what any of this is yeah. This is also crazy to me. Yeah just you know, I'm just gonna like you know, enjoy it. Alright, what lauren are you hi? I was very yeah. Anyone in I was. I was high for every day I was her high person, the arab sixteen, to twenty two january.

Till I genuinely, and now it's like a casual here, but so You know I meet with him and then I don't know if it goes well and what happened I sit down and you know he's there and he just has talked to me about the show, I don't really remember much of it did he say like We thought you might do or what you want. We ask you what you wanted to kind of like he was like. I think, you're really funny. I dunno if it works best for the show right you're very young yeah. You know, but I think you're really funny yeah, and that was it. That was it that was it and then I left I didn't hear anything for a month or so I was like okay, I, I said I'd like thank you so much for the meeting like really appreciate meeting with you that he has. This is great. This was crazy, yeah Then I got the call a month later and it was Lauren and he was like hey. You got the show us I'll see at work. I just I couldn't believe what was

it was all so ridiculous right now, so I just assumed I was: we get fired at the end of the year. So I just figured I'd, have a c went to work? I went to work and what did you do and would they start you out with? I got to do, stand up an update, oh yea, so I got to like talk about sucking dick yeah, so they If you out, as you yeah that break me out of me my first thing and stand a pick. I guess went really well and since then I've I've remained on the show and you just sat there with a who is update. Then it was. It was Colin and Michael, okay yeah. That was the first year right of it. So yeah and you know, laura- has been really great and he's been really nice to me and everybody has been super nice there and I'm still there. Are you doing characters? I don't know how to do them. I mean like, if, like once someone, although be like a guy that look like that, though, be like you're him right right. Well, I am not doing a good job. Impersonate ought to dry.

I do but like it actually sounds worse than my regular voice, so I usually just like just do it. On my everything I don't know how I'm still on the show, but I'm very grateful So what are you doing out here? I'm out here just doing some stand up and just like often lives here and there, and I like it here alive, you do yeah, it's very well. yeah, you find you relax, I'm very relaxed. What's going on what we talked about the BP day, okay, so yeah I got I went to like rehab in like december. now what leads up? They were talking about borderline personalities or you know if you dont, want all about a tell me, but I gotta, because this fascinating to me right cause it's like it. It's it's really kind of mysterious diagnosis, it's hard to diagnose and did it very in a very special

I think, and I mean I've dated a couple of people. We have one I know had b b d, the other one, I'm sure you're doesn't think she does robot either it's a difficult diagnosis. Yes, and in how did you heard it manifests itself? How did you think didn't think you had it. So I've been a pothead forever yeah right and I started around october. I would say september last year started having like these mental breakdowns, where I would like freak out. Rage, rage likes to and then not remember what happened. After really a blind, great line, rage of what would spark it I don't even know why I prepare my girl. I was on the phone with her once and then she like immediately was like yes, some you just like snapped

like you like. When can you know no memory? I had no memory of it then, like I said later on, I would remember it like in pictures kind of I kind of remember it like a fog. I wouldn't know what happened till after I broke something or after I came to her. So I was under the assumption that I like maybe it's the wheat yeah. You know I never really did any other drugs right. So I was like I'm going to try and go to rehab my daughter, wheat yeah. He has like maybe that'll that'll be helpful here, and so I I go, you know and I get off weed and, you know there. They told me there they, like you, might be bipolar or rang for as like. Ok,

we're going to try you on these meds or whatever, and then I got out and then I started smoking weed again and and you're on meds and I'm on meds. So I was like I was feeling a little better, so you know two months go by and I just snapped. I was smoking weed everyday I just like snapped and like I had a really bad mental breakdown. So like freaked out- and I was like it has to be like it has to be we'd like this- is what it has to be. So I like said I am getting sober. I think I was like I'm quitting drugs and I said I I quit drugs and then like. I should have just kind of said. I I'm quitting weed yeah, because now people think I do drugs right. You know so, like I'm very embarrassed at this point and like what did you tell the show, I told the show it's like I'm quitting drugs. Like I to me, I thought everybody was telling me weed. Is a drug you're, a drug addict? You smoke weed all the time and I was like I guess I am withdrawing

I'm very scared, and I don't know what I have for this is what you know. What the mental I know there's something wrong here for five months go by of this happening, so I was like. I was like I'm going to stop as, like you know I'll, do this man keep going to therapy and then I was I didn't smoke, or do we don't drink or anything for in your office, psych meds for three months now, I'm not still on them. I was on it for like three months. I didn't do anything and I know I still felt the same. I still felt like something was fucked up. If something was wrong and I found I have bpd, which is borderline, personality disorder and end in who diagnose at one of the doctor, one of my my psychiatrist, I do that therapists, psychiatry, yeah, you're, all the same sure I don't know which one it is and that in and what you, what what? the! What were the sword how did he do the interview that led him to that conclusion? He was.

We sang like before this big meltdown yap and he was like you know, you're, probably bipolar or borderline. Would we just have to figure it out and then after that started happening, he was like you. We are borderline, mrs whatever it is, you don't have prolonged depression yeah. She was like we depressed all the time. but why? Whatever they said, they're really close, and it doesn't really come out until this age. Really they were like. This is the age work. But now am I wrong in thinking that borderline is behave. Ro and by polar is, is actually chemical. I think so, I'm not like exactly so close and they're. What I'm being treated with is like the db t, skills yeah. It was just dialectical, behavior, yeah and and they're both like the the tree,

it's kind of like the same thing. You are you're still on psych meds in your job yeah, I'm on new psych meds cause it wasn't working were where, and I've been going to therapy every single db t things you know just like a fever, it's, like fear of, of of abandon well, that's right! That's the big thing would write lots, orderly, yeah. So, like you learn because I would always be like, I think, everybody's mad at me, everybody hates me like I'm gonna lose my friends ranks my girlfriend. Like my family hates me I would always just like be all round I'd, be worried all the time and I'd be freaking out, and then this thing this class, you know, teaches you how to use those skills and how to like be kind of independent. Aha is, I guess the word to sort of say to realize it, like your thoughts, are naturally real right, yeah right like it's like steps till I thought processing the gravest thought you have these feelings. You have. These urges you're gonna freak out, we'll try way, it out ten minutes bragger. I go for a walk. What's dvd stand for a dialectical, behaviour in an end is working. It is working.

Slowly but surely, like. I have been having a lot of problems like this. This whole year has been a fucking nightmare. because of this has been the worst year of my life like for you know getting diagnosed with this and trying to figure out how to learn with this and live with this and like just learning all about it and go into doctors non. Stop it's getting better, but it's like it's taking. While and you go to therapy like talk therapy every week, I go to talk therapy and they also have like this book and we go over like skills no kidding because they implement them. Well, that's good yeah! It didn't do any of them track it to the loss of your dad yeah I mean that's the big, that's the big one they it was like. However, I lived my childhood

fear all of this stuff is relate and also you are fundamentally you're violently abandoned yeah that that's. My big thing is trust. It's like you know, one day he was here and then the next day you know they're gone like. I have trouble when, like I used to have trouble, and sometimes my mom would be like I'm going out- you know I've, you know when people say they're leaving and coming back near. I get like a really big fear like I that they're not going to come back Why think it isn't the prognosis pretty good, like specially, if you're getting treatment like, I know that that that borderline is difficult to treat, but some people actually grow out of it Yes, some people grow out of it and eventually dont need to do any right off anymore. So that's like what I'm going to turkey with the hope of isn't that fascinating, though, in the way that like because you were conscious enough that you were seven years old and you are emotionally attached and an awake when that happened, when your father got killed, that you know that that wired, your brain,

yeah yeah, because if the person I knew at elsewhere, loss in her life around that age yeah and you know it and it just like a just- you cannot comprehend what happened, but you do know that you know people can leave or die, and you know one day right at that yeah wow and is the sort of talk therapies, helping you? What do you usually start? the day in figure and try failing day by day right cause. Like you know, I gotta wake up a completely different person and just submerged. in depression, yeah I'll, just wake up and you're like the world is coming in on you, and it's all about like getting out of that and using your tools right going through this book like as like it's so hard and like lame yeah, but like once, you like, you know, actually do it and go through the book and you're like I'm, going to use this skill or like hold ice rattling or take a cold shower your favorite song, really loud

sounds fucking, lamb and annoying, but when you do what it actually kind of work sure because like if you, if you engage in those habits there, Eventually the neural pathways trick your brain yeah and you do it enough stays tricked yeah yeah. So you get it convince myself. I'm happy now having been laid. My go! That's! What's what's going on crazy, how about okay right, I would love to be okay mark. That would be incredible. I just to be okay, incredibly yeah. I I know the feeling man, yeah. Well, I'm glad you're doing all right. So the the it's good that there's treatment in that you you have support in. You didn't blow up your relationship right, yeah I don't know how she still with me. A better relationship with someone you know like myself must be incredibly difficult but bite, but gauging yeah. I mean it's always excited hands I see and in others, always something new for sure. It sometimes like that you're preserving people.

Akira what, if their wives a little slow. I always he's guaranteed gondola fun, yeah you're, always on your toes, so so what Is that what you going to wait when you go back to new york? He set up with people there, too therapies, therapist study. I have another set over there. So whenever I'm here, I could do it here and went there can do it there. when do you go back, you going to go back to twelve season start or when starts like I think september, or on your end of time, I'm in so I made it back so so you can figure out how to draw from the the new diagnosis. For your comment, I'm so happy like now that I know that something is what I always thought. Something was wrong when you find out something is actually wrong. It's like very reassuring but it's weird because some a lot of border lines are are are very manipulative and and every black and white thinking. Did you have that stuff? I will The manipulation thing I definitely had near. I would try to make someone feel a certain type of

way in and then, if they felt that way, I would feel good right rapid if they didn't feel that way. I would think something's wrong and that their mad at me- So I would like with words I would like try, sway people into saying eggs. I think that I am here, but you say you hate me or remain right. Yet exactly like you hate me, don't you, What am I you? Don't it's always like. Whatever? Whatever a question, I ask I'm expecting the opposite answer. Well, that's interesting! I like when cars are named, and now I'm just I'm doing self therapy so like when you're with somebody who loves you you're, like you, don't love me yeah that thing and she'll beg, of course, course I do, then. I guess it is now. I know sums up male sums wrong and that could be very fuckin frustrating for the other party to drain of their executive. That there's just so strong our entire of answering the same exact. Why should you wanna leave right? You want to use my pack up fuck out of here chairmanship, yeah

in love with them when they finally break down you're like okay, I see I knew it as soon as the outbreak or else you're like alright. Sorry, sorry, I'm sorry, I'm being the crazy crazy d either I knew it or I'm. Ok, I'm not crazy. I don't go exactly what it's like. I think I had it: yeah, I think a better. But yeah. I think I've avoided alright. Well, that was helpful. While it's great to talk, A man in your yemen being proactive in all this shit in I've been have good season. Thank you. Maybe I swear that was heavy but beautiful, a heavy, a beautiful conversation with pete davidson, I was very happy to have hung out with him. Were we text occasionally it's nice good kid that kid? Ok right!

how'd, you know, I think I'll play some guitar iron places dirty. You guys, like this dirty shit and I think that's my louvre. My natural state grew easy guitar playing hold on. The lalalalala the I

boomer lives.