Alright! Let's do this. How are you what the fuck is, what the fuck buddies, what the fucking? Here's, what the fuck sticks, what the fuck, mr fuller's, as a classic what's happening a mark mare- and this is my podcast w tap into show that you- into on your device or your computer, and you can do do earbuds or headphones or you can listen, right out the speakers on whatever you. You know what it is, I'm back from. europe been back, The days now by the way drew carey is on the show and it was. It was a whopper yeah. It's it's a big talk and I had no idea, I know, Maybe about anything about that. Guy and he just wanted to come by and It was great. I met him once before, but

never know I don't. I don't know about you, but I never know, and it was great at some laughs, a learned, some stuff. There was inspiration to it. It was a great talk, I was happy to meet him and I, happy to be back home. What, if I missed since I last talked to you I miss you wolf, I think, did a great job sticking to the man. Stick to the man me, I don't know what then backward no backlash, it's just a bunch of a bunch of press idiots are under the bus at a fear. Goddamn connections among other things, and then there of course, was the predictable right, who are a bunch of the of self proclaimed dead It comes for people that debt complain about a welfare state or treating people who the less fortunate with any respect whatsoever- boy, they do that fucking victim thing, yeah

sad sacks, the lot of them real, thin, skinned. What which cowards, cowards and babies. Armies of em army. of cowards and babies. So back from you I travel a lot and I was just on the road for two weeks. And am, as with sir sir, the painter lovely time but TAT it just between us do you like and do you How do you shit on the road I mean? Is it I'm sorry it? This is. unnecessary. Maybe but body naturally hold back. What's in it when you're not at home- I find this even when I travel myself, but but I guess what I'm I'm trying to tell you is a lot happened when I got back for two and a half weeks or, however long as I got. I don't if it's What consequences are travelling or maybe that I'm inherently a colon shy. I don't I don't know what the stories I don't know if this that common,

situation but back to me. I guess I'm just just can I get a witness I think is, is where I'm at with this I am, I unusual I know I am, I know, and I know this is not breakfast talk or table talk, or even s is early podcast. Ought not this pact as it was on my mind. I never really notice it as much as I did this time and then again was travelling with the sara. I wanted to keep some sky something mysterious cross the line with intimacy where there's just there no mystery anymore and it's it's work, comfortable, but it's all out united mean so maybe maybe my ign. either saying you know what let's. Let's keep this equipped for a little while longer all of this, let's not go all out but but I did that. I did have a lovely time, I'm happy to be home. I if it I think it sound good right now, and I think this

I just really starting to I've, been having longer conversations in here. It feels like some of the more consists then then. I was at the old place and Julian, who I had the build me. Some sound platforms, Adam just build me some stuff and he built it how homemade feel to it, but they look good and there they serving. ace me in these of these platforms. Eddie built and aid I think, they're working and I kind of like it in here. I don't. I What I do I didn't offer was happened, but I'm glad I do so. I get home. immediately start wearing the jet lags kind of fucked up, but then I woke up today. An la fonda is having a hard time, peeing that I'm finding puddles of you know bloody pee everywhere and there's blood here and there. I don't know how long it's going on four of the way. For two weeks I asked a guy: we stand at my house. If you notice anything she's been a little crying a bit,

it would just all know today she waited to take to get this, till this morning and I took her aunt and you know put her through that a fourteen year old cat, the little cat and yeah. I gotta get her in the box, which is a fucking nightmare, and hopefully just a bladder infection. That's where react, but the dry I've got getting a cat to a vet me Stress now me know when they're getting old so happy over here at the new house, you know nah, just I a and then the vet said something to sara about how you, when you leave it's like near they go through. Horrendous grief, stress, stressful and I was away for two weeks and I can't you I've I've You can't just build your wife completely around the cats. You know you got to go out and live, and I learned that a long time ago, but it's you know it's pretty sad. It'll be okay, thank you, I'm not asking for hopes and prayers are anything but as she seems

right through the will lupi but down, let you know that's what happened today was stressful, but I'm ok, I'm back in town can we sound panels going. Everything's alright watched a rat lumber across my front yard. Yesterday. I just saw this guy. Like a will look, I got a torpedo going through the grass so my front yard, as private thirty forty feet away like what the Can I run over and I just watch this rat kind of. move through the yard and look for a place to go into the house. her on the side in the walls. Do you have there look like he was on his? I dunno know he didn't seem well. It was daytime I followed him and he looked at me. I looked at him. He didn't seem that there was an. Urgency there that usually means that's a sick, fuckin rat, a rat with no can see. Is a sick rat there's quotable

Here's another one they wrote down for some reason. There's much to watch me on people, say that above tv what's on streaming, everything too much to watch, I think, is today's version of there's nothing on think about it maybe Maybe it doesn't drew carey, nice guy he's a funny guy he's a guys hell of a job in show business he's the host of the price is right, which is still on weekdays at eleven. A m on CBS forever for it will be forever, and we get up to that point. We talk about how we got that egg, but tat we can we surprised with this chat and really enjoyed it, and I think he did to we. Some laugh he's olafur. This is me andrew I'm trying to remember the first time I met you, I think it was now it's benito a remote, Alex bennett show. Oh well.

in some of those. So a bar, we add a bar or something It was really crowded. It was like darkwood place with right right, yeah, yeah yeah, and it was like a place we put peanuts on the floor, but that weird thing, when you do the radio in the morning at the place, everyone's eaten like full dinners, always like this weird buffet at food. It's like seven in the morning and people are eating. Like andrew in chile and not chosen burgers. It was what the rest it was. What the place had to offer right right. if for some reason when you're doing morning, radio you're sorta like this is the way we live. I remember dinner now I remember people were drinking beer. Sure, of course, ten in the morning because your pride commenting on a really is this adding that was weird but, like I I I mean Christ ear. You like. It was a long time ago that must be like ninety one. Ninety two probably still on there, I think he's on serious. Oh okay! Oh another thing I have to do I will tell you is I got to apologize for something that you probably don't remember. I was at if you have to go through that step. Are you in the program

I m, but it's not that it's not that it's is how one of that I mean the programme, but this is not a lot to do in a seven step agreed you like what you yourself words me all that if a man nine step, I think the eid night there is not one of those but like years ago, I'm pretty sure you at the montreal comedy festival and you know the you were there and you had a room and I was like I I wanted, I believe it was rich jenny. That was enough. That was, in the bar, and I was talking to him and he was talking to this girl with a dude. and then he you know, I don't know how it happened or what transpired, I'm pretty sure, was jenny. A that's possible right. You guys were friends, yeah yeah, so but whatever the fact is that you had a people up in your room and it was like a very soon all gathering you know. I- and I brought these two kids like this girl in this. dude. You know who you didn't know, and I knew in my mind of my. I don't know how many people

after. Why am I in one and when I brought them up there, it was clear that was like just you and rich. You maybe want maybe Rick Messina, somebody, oh and it was like, and I brought these strangers into your room- and it was one of those moments where you just looking at me like. Why was happening? Where did I? Why are these people he offside? No, it was my fault. No. I should have been more welcoming. If that was the can open it wasn't it. a party like- and I know what that's like to have just sort of like a who brought these way where these fans Do you see near well looking for drug? Were they not? Were they not that cool that was well. They were just clearly just civilian know. If sometimes you bring civilians to place there supercool super cool, then tat again brought rightly know some so glad you brought these fund people, but if you ve a couple of duds where they would

is there any other jobs. You accept that yeah! That's what I apologize for, bringing the duds anybody who's listening! It's totally fine! I think, to bring like an uninvited. I mean not olive, but for a casual. Then you know where there are only so many seats, sure bringing innovative thing but Better make sure like showed up right now- and I said hey. I know you and me, but look he comes in right anywhere, like you, they did it was just una. What are you bringing the fucking, really ass. All that the media I be the as or not the jaguar, though so I could list. Talk about like the journeyman we've been around a long time and know the store. I need ask real, quick cause. I heard a rumor about. You know one of his troops. Sure I liked that before you were supposed to shoot the pilot of your television show. Did you shake your head? Oh wasn't the day before it was

now was the pilot I had already been on that drew carry show was like this. I was about to start as second seas and now k I was still living in my apartment. In hollywood above I love the block up from the rock n roll alps, oh yeah, I lived in an apartment there or is that western in, whereas by fuller and like cent on sunset, rockmart bite down the street from ah the guitar center, oh yeah, I'll cast of people called the rock and roll ralph's yeah and that one side street is called fuller and I lived a fuller and whatever the cross street was or is of full or something apartment bs, then dice clay's old apartment, really yeah lived in dice old room and crest hill. While I was now that I have here a third for apartment. It displays actually totally lotta over. How did you get his course of Emily of coincidence? Yeah? Could they when I was going to rent it out. Yes, that one nice place to live in this apartment, and I was like okay, but I guess it was like a lucky place to live. Ah, you know, yeah cause. You know that worked for dice worked for me

hey. I had a lot of times that apartment I do, but live in there. addax. I remember a picture that I had of me with my head shaved and I dunno why I just felt like shaving my head, for I dunno we'll see how it looked or something yeah right. People response to shoot. It was like a month before our lecter our summer break out, and I share my hat and didn't grow back fast enough. So, even though I had this short crew cut haircut, it was too short is still too short, and I had to get a wig may like I was. I came back as like man. My hair is not growing back, so they had a production. How to like, send me to a wig maker and make me a wig that was short. We wait gal. I was just a real drag man, the whole thing, but I was like there was enough the deal before I wouldn't let it out

britney, spears, okay, yeah, yeah, that's right, yeah, that's what was going on in my mind. What happened that day the paparazzi were chasing me. I could take it. You just lost their drug laws, but so cleveland. I I have them I appreciate Cleveland a little more than I used to and in because you others. Block yeah? You do yeah, there's that one It has some good restaurants on it and yeah. one thing that bugs me about. They have they like this one thread right across street from where to be fair, the club to be fair like two or three blocks right, but it's like this one section urged street or urged Vieira? There I cannot the greenhouse tavern gaps excellent all around there, but then you walk out a euclid after that nears, like you'll, see a building like boarded up here There's the hotel. I stayed at cross street in this old atrium building and obviously stayed there.

The ideal way to holding school as its goal building. But whatever was supposed to have a general denmark out right near the the attempt to revitalize that Malden quite catch on those that it was never now. There was never an only them now even though I was growing up that was like the. It was always like that my whole life growing up yeah, just like forward stores in there cause it's like. First of all, it's an old place. It's a pretty old place, it's cool yeah, but it's not I have to be downtown to use it so, but when you you can't just like hey, I'm going to this place, I'm going to park go in and get out. That's not the vibe of the place really have to gag that's the place we go. you are from after work, but were their stores and there, when you were a kid, there is the same kind of stores like these small little like a really I remember when I was junior high. I was in a pirate some concerns that my junior high school and I had to get you to the theater and high school just that one now, as if those the choirs big area, those his big,

like me, you know here and I was in bed, and so would you playing ban trumpet really? Oh, it's good marching, grant gamma, band stage band as a worthy out, your musical guy yea. I can stop where the trumpet that, can play a scale, a really yeah. Let it go the and even yeah. I don't play anything. I really I was real little. I played accordion and I keep threatening to learn according again, it's a practical instrument, we have funded are here. It is fear, comedian, sure, like there's a lot of qatar, there's a few hyrax a lot yeah, there's a few left. There were more back in the day that they were yeah and I had no problem with them. No, no, I mean do you ever commish used to complain about this guy's guitar at guitar at yeah, but there's a couple of them that were really funny. Yeah bob saget had a guitar act. The smothers brothers were guitar Axure and there I idolize the smothers brothers right. Well, they one of them had a guitar. Both played. Did the oligarchs charter base? Okay, but that's right. Let's

amateur hour, okay, fine! So there's outta here which used long as you're funny, I think, twenty to to use an accordion. No, I think you're right a emo, philips used to come on stage with the trombone he didn't play. He just would hold it to I the entire one guy of trying to remember this guy's name, I think about them all the time and blinking on his apologize. If I can remember if you are religious, but he was really funny and the good and not just of egg attire, but I'm really funny I for one. Am he yet a thing in his act where he would have an audience to a single long like a tip guitar guy sing along ok, three or tour him do that, may I you know pop up this. Is that order they add, and then he would go to the crowded okay name your congressman If everybody would just like yeah then they'd all laugh because, like who knows isn't as political as you think, everybody is like it's different now. I think I think people are more political now than they were four years

or what I regret, because you're freaking out they realize like. Maybe I should engage in a little processed yet, but I refer right before I did prices right. The reason I was on the prices, rights radar is cause. There was a guy named mom, Michael davies, who's who does a men in blazers, now tv producer guy, and now he does men in blazers, but sucker thing and I plus other stuff. But he approached me. I did a project with him before and used to be executive, a b c, and he was doing a game show called the power ten where you can up. dollars and which to do as you they would. You Rasmussen? They hired rasmussen do surveys things. Yet they would do surveys about. thanks and you had a guess the per cent edge of the survey. We s certain amount here and if it was a wide mom,

and you'd win a thousand and then the margins got narrower and narrower, and then, if you got it within like two percentage or three percentage points you win, ten million dollars was like that. He added if the percentages got harder and harder right, but it was things like you know what percentage of people think it's a you have a right to when a gun, via what percentage of people don't wear underwear turn you got guess yeah yeah and be like someone be funny- and you know- and some would be you know like, and some would be like serious plug things I would discuss with the contestant and then they were trying to answer so when he pitched me the idea I got a call from a guy was retired and I don't want to do anything unless what That was my thing that it is that's fine I'll do it. If I think it's, I remember that I remember that drew carry idle right, I'm done, but I need money. So if you have a project its not about money, it's a spot. If I think it's guph here do their fun enough to do so. My mom,

The cause is, oh you want speech was show, looks pretty good. You think you might like it. I o k. So I was friends with the george point of its industry, his best friends with his daughter, betsy and ass. I get another family george point of it was mayor We win our two term governor two term, senator very popular politician. He was a senator at the time I was in l, a calif, california, or something, and he was staying at the beverly hilton and I was going to meet him for lunch. So while I'm waiting for him, I get the call, but the show and the sample question he gives me is what percentage of people I know the name of their governor. Oh yeah, you know I would say twenty two percent, no, it's eleven percent. Fourteen percent, have you included a california because of governor schwarzenegger huh and that's it yeah you'd? Think more so I was like wow. That's amazing that so many people don't even know the name of the governor, because every once in a while, you see a survey, but people don't know the name of the president. You like, what are you crazy?

So then the get this guy shows up point of its whose was governor india senator- and I tell and he's eating salad and I go what percentage of people know the name of their governor and he goes ten percent like. Oh it's like alum percent. How did you know that and it and he goes well, you know, and he goes, I go. Isn't that amazing you're in the paper every day and people don't know your name and he didn't even look up because people don't read the paper just keeps eating, that's it. Yeah they're, just they're just doing their own life and here's a guy who's been a politician like his whole life and his act. People won't read the pinned. I wonder it's such a cynical system and so fucking. Your strangely dysfunctional cause, people don't give a shit. It seems like the only people that give a shit the politicians are looking to get something. While, honestly, I think more people are paying attention now, but even hell yeah, a lot of things go over. I mean I there's days where I just don't even wanna look man, I know, but I'm not I'm not as worried as everybody else cause. I think everybody I now have this

Allen sidelined. You gotta know. I now have this like buddhist philosophy, about the dharma wheel, about how everything comes and goes, and things come to the top and go to the bottom again: oh yeah everything's born and they die and you're doing the buddhist thing yeah. Now, if you put, if I honestly thinks you're changing so fast, I was gonna, listen to the news and there's like a woman host an npr and like that used to be used to be where that would be a remark. Both thing: yeah, a female host of a radio show that was nationwide on out. We are even yeah. Even you know the forty years ago sure I can afford, is yeah a lot of things. That would have been amazing. Yeah. A lot of things have changed very recently. We just don't really think about how recently things changes fast and a change is slow right right so like if you Think for a minute that a hundred years from now, there's going to be people like trump around in any kind of power. I think you're out of your mind, like that's a this is like

last scream of a dying breed of foe. He thought, oh, I hope so I mean it is, but the problem is as I get. I I hope you're right, I dunno I dunno what's going to happen in that one hundred years that you're talking about, to get too well no more trump people around by. But I will tell you this was less than a hundred years ago, where europe was almost in a german yeah no and then taking you're, not people were killed. These don't happen overnight, right things change and they don't change like you know, I ended the civil war, slavery, but then it took like one hundred years for the civil rights act. okay. Let's get serious about this right, and then after that still race. I'm still racism like still dealing with it, but getting there better, better bright. Arguably sure you know not to get not gone totally, but still getting better, and so it's going be I. I have a comet theory that I use all the oh yeah yeah. So like

a lot of changes like a comment, yeah the shape of the comments of the people in front of the common tick, all the heat yeah, you know and get off. right get our damage, shirt and gets popular in the arm. It gets big and there's the tale of the comment of people. It is left behind and catch up and not quite there, and they get that they get all the benefits could throw light by the time they get their value. Their benefits, like they don't even know, what's going on in your right, so that their very like, oh that's, change, now examine feel like that. Let me know round here we still think oh yeah sort it out, I'm a while that yeah yeah up, like you people, moment I hook how many people look, how many people don't have computers don't have I know you making our internet rights, the three people think I like wow streaming thing: they use the term everybody here. You know There are, however, some let me read an article which we all of us are not ideal. We all here. That's not true, yes, like one ease per cent to some really high percentage of people without decent internet

all the apparently all they get is conservative, facebook page yet. Well they that's you know. If you get a facebook feed or two extra or some kind of like some kind of like textual thing. Nothing in a streaming video you're not going to build a wall, it's really hard for them to get the kind of information, then they have to people have to go to the library still to get online yeah I mean there's a lot of large percentage of people out there that don't have well, because I can't afford it. They don't have directv can't afford it. Then you know yeah yeah. Something that we don't really realize or think about. yeah. Not everybody is like all hooked up now. Definitely so you grew up in cleveland altogether, yeah right in the city right in yeah. and what was leaving public high school? Really, what the city like then, because now you get the feeling like they got. The grilled cheese place they got slime ends beef yea, they got the you know the fancy, restaurants and that's a good comedy club,

there's this data was virtually like a couple of hotels. Downtown could really go to, and so was it a thriving city that you remember no ears get now. This was river on fire days, a risk when I was grown up, their per hata him. I've ever that the other river kind of fire, and when I was growing up their mayor perk was due. I read american and he was doing some opening with a blowtorch. Some kind of control, his hair caught on fire? Oh yeah, his wife, they had a chance to go meet the president and his wife. It was his wife's bowling league, I did a bowling league jr ships of it and go oh really yeah. I didn't like the president. Was it a? It was? No. I think it was honestly just like a bowling and bowling issue, yeah bowling issue you know when I was grown up like johnny. Carson will be making cleveland jokes It was always sort of a punch y know yeah, but I would like especially big that I think Paul Thomas andersen's father used to host

weirdo he was the girl, the ghoul, yes yeah, the most popular a movie show, host and cleveland history, probably, and that was in cleveland yeah yeah. Actually I actually know he was goo lardy lardy. That goal was after gallardo, yeah, goo, lardy yeah. So in the little remember him sixty oh man, I'm kidding me that was like he was like a king. Then The goal was my, was more the glorious I was little and then he moved dear to allay ere, he was friends with that tim com which him conway. Yet they were like a comedy team we went and ass. You will comedy bits and tim Conway moved away, got mikhail navy em he all die goose. gallardo yeah, that's his real name, ernie Anderson ernie anderson, yeah, ernie Anderson father. ingenious yeah, he might be a genius to ernie. Anderson was great, he station and he would do oh, I, like after movie shown, he would wear like that that the Van dyke

go yeah sure. I think that we had in the back of the comic books anywhere a beatle wig, yet that people usually revealed why this thing called a beatle wig, which is like a I dunno weird. Here we did you buy and you the lab coat with kind like buttons with sayings on it. Like said to me and stuff like that ban the bomb and all those buttons were popular then, and I worse sunglasses with one one of the sun glass. Things must it out here and he would say things they kids or a scratch clasped her blue and here are these like catch phrases- add that he would- and I was, that those guys do gigs liking awoke it's like a local radio too. They should they do chose the shows they did. His thing was he had they had the guardian is there it was. It was a bay, softball and basketball, so you, If I come to your high school or junior high and play against your teachers and faculty to raise money for charity yeah, so they will.

Like hey we're going to be at euclid high school, this friday playing up our all stars playing good highschool, exactly and every kid would show up. Lard eat the gould at that, especially and I think lardy to two book glory word when he was on, like friday nights, he would get like an eighty share, people, the giver, and everybody why, like go to school on Monday everybody's talk about what lardy dead or what the golden yam the cool worked for. Gallardo. He was the guy in the monkey suit yeah that would be around in the backpacks. He would do all these stupid skin isn't interrupt the movie yeah yeah yeah yeah, like it'll, be like creature from the black lagoon. Let's say we are going right and then, when the creature came up he would start playing papa whom I now right and then he pop up like in the screen like he was being attacked by the creature when they any, but the moment all reflect. Do that shows free mystery science, theater yeah. He would do crazy, seven that he would read like letters but as one of his main things that he would do as people would send in models that they made yeah of like cars. Ships-

it's like whatever the model was right and he would blow them with an m or firecrackers like he would light an immediate step off and it would blow up on camera and that's why they send them in Well, no, he would just like that was one of the spits. Then we're going to have someone. So suddenly, this fifteen resolve and glare from parma, senator or senators model kick harvey. All decked out like putting a meeting, is blowed up. It was really fun to watch and then it got so popular doing that too. I read a book about him. Somebody local cream, robot him. Somebody back then- and this is like in the late sixties- yet made a stick of dynamite at home, haha out of mit and

and stuff and just took all the gunpowder yet made their own stick of dynamite got on the fucking public bus took it down to the tv station hey. I have something for group for ghoul that I want to drop off to me. Make sure he gets it sure thing they get him the stick of dynamite. Can you imagine yeah they get them the stick of dynamite. He's this pretty cool yeah. He goes to blow up a model, and he writes it and he he like, runs away and blows the glass out of the sound booth of my blows up so big ass in the sound was shattered, that's the kind of shit he did at the? U get suspended or something for that even kill people. I think that I think largely to guide took off from got suspended for blowing up a mouse with a firecracker. Oh, my god, he blew up a mouse You ve gotta, be funny. You know that that traditional that's why her of radio still exists in a happened in cleveland due to our cleveland. Doing this,

the tv I know yeah but, like I was in cleveland doing a morning show I just it is strange that I just realized this. Might I think it was cleveland where you know I you know when you do more Sure you don't know what did crews gonna be like you know whether their angle is You know their shyly I'd rather not I get there and everyone. There's panic! There's a guy running down the hall. You know he's got no short on now MIKE what the fuck is happening in a seven thirty. And then I can like what sailing noon to them, but apparently some guy going like door. The puke cannon didn't work saw my yet we see this is right. Yeah, I guess, there's a heavy allow men, but they taken a weed. Blower in some guy was going to make himself vomit milk into this week blower and it was gonna the idea, but everything there is puke all over the ceiling. I had to go to another studio in my ears,

It's really weird man, it's unbelievable people in cleveland had to reapply be up because the city was getting made. Fun of somebody at everybody like like cleaning, was exactly the punchline like a full cleveland. Outfit was a leisure suit right, like a light blue leisure suit head to toe. They called it that they call that a falcon when they did that's what it's called the agora, that's a full. I when I wore a full cleveland on the this person item. I barmouth vote he drove riding night. I work for cleveland in advocating a bright and at the time like the indians were like them. The last place. Team every year the cleveland indians never won anything. They would play at cleveland municipal stadium, which held like seventy thousand people. That's where the browns played the brows were decent year of the cleveland, indians, always sucks it would say, looks seriously seat like seventy thousand people, sixty eight thousand something like that yeah and they would have five thousand people there yeah totally empty. Oh, I would go with my friends.

When I was high school and we would buy a bleacher ticket and then just walk up to the box seats have a seat. We hang out and drink beers like it would stop us yeah we're barely looking at tickets, which is something to do right, does something to do, but so like how many brothers and sisters yet our tools, well. There's there's always that three year, unlike my mom and your mom, my dad died when I was real, eight years old, really yeah, I dunno. I am questioning that, but no yeah, that's pretty hard. I made it up, makes me look It makes you look more pathetic. I don't know why, on that all the time, I'm like really like why I barely remember tubes. He was always sick. He had like heart attack, stroke blood clots. He had a real humor, get all kinds of problems with the genetic there. Are you alright yeah, I'm good, no good. He just didn't. I mean I dunno wheat or whatever was You are here and sticky at other, so you know so you you remember lot. He was a big drinker mama

The tell me funny on tell tell us a lot of people and public anyway yeah my mommy, Let me these funny stories about my dad right and one of them, but unquote for as yet here's one of my mom's funny stories about my dad and they were all like her funny. Woe is me story right like these. Can you believe my luck stories sauce be funny yeah, ah or amusing? like. Let me tell you the story about razzle, dazzle, sort of cuny. Believe my luck, yeah yeah. What happened to me so he told my dad once ha that if he ever came home drunk again, she was going to call the police right. haha yeah and he comes home drunk calls the police yeah. The cop that shows up is a drinking buddy of my dad's right and says he sees my dad goes. Oh, my god, Lou. Are you ok

That's my mom's funny story and I always thought like oh yeah haha and then I like lately, I've been thinking like wow. How bad is it have to get with a couple right where the the woman goes. Do that again, mother and I'm going the cops. if, like this again in my house, for the kids with me, I'm going to call cause. I dunno what else to do? I've screamed at you. I've done everything else that the kids probably didn't see. Yeah, I'm going to call the police. What do you think of that and then she finally has to call the police

workout and it's a cute story, Stuart yeah, and he was one time my dad lost his job. He got laid off. He was a draftsman for general motors. He worked at the tank plant and beyond on pr park and he was he got laid off and it was around christmas time. So him and his buddy decided they were gonna, sell christmas trees at the gas station, so they paid got a bunch of christmas trees and every night he would come home house. The house has gone our not doing so nah christmas trees aren't there's no, never funny stories. Yeah turns out, they were doing well yeah and he would take all the money he made in cash selling christmas trees and go out drinking with his friends. They write instead of bringing it home, yeah and they're hilarious He's out of work is about three kids. They made ranking the christmas tree, money yeah tell areas, but you have put off together later to really assess it. Yeah

and you don't have any real recollection of the guy. Now to me, that's like no- and I don't have any real electoral and hope that this the whole family, even like his side of the family, told me this funny story about my dad and the time He was out drinking with his friends and he threw up out of the car, ya ha ha and he threw up his false teeth. So as false teeth won't fly out of his mouth and he threaded said car. So he wanted to put an ad in the paper to have to try to get his false teeth. Bat yeah see calls the cleaving plain dealer: hey who care we of I walked for fish and I think even put like did they didn't put false teeth in the added with some like lost, cheap or something like that. Instead of false teeth, it wasn't lost. Sheep was something else the way he was talking yeah and was like. Isn't that funny? How your dad couldn't put the right ad in the paper because he threw up his false teeth. It sounds like

It might have been better off, not knowing this guy I mean we. I mean we did barely, I remember playing catch them in the yard one time and he took me to a two minute cleveland barons hockey in the us. So I did a few things where your brother's, older or younger, are both the older six and twelve years old. Or do they remember him yeah he was a real disciplinary like he used to beat the hell out of them. One may have kept a strap hanging up on a hook at the top of the basement drunk in this, when arian the worst. Yes, so my oldest brother, neil, we aren't eighteen just left for. is sure, sign that right, yeah and then my middle brother had a little lag and I they were like talked about how I got spoiled yeah cause. I didn't get beat up as much as they did cause there's a six year, difference between you and the youngest one yeah six years, six years, six years, diff, oh yeah, so me my brother when each day teen I was six thrift and when I turn twelve, my brother Roger was off the college. Rastus like me in my mom rivals, formative years, so your mamma to hold the shit

shipped out. Another funny story. My dad and I were spaghetti dinner and I didn't want eat my dinner. I was little. I had to be five or something yeah didn't want for you. Solved whatever hold I was and my dad was like you're not getting up out of this chair. Unless you reach it till you eat your dinner and that's it he going to make me sit there till I ate so hey data, clear my plate. It's all taken care of good yeah months later, two three months later he's gone out of the basement where he kept his pink cans as the touch of the molding or whatever. Here he looks at the pink and there's the spaghetti that dumped all the spaghetti in the pink

I have to hide it. Yo I'll tell you. This is my one of my favorite funny dad stories. My mom used to tell me that there is a dairy queen in my neighborhood within walking distance, a fifteen minute walk, but we drove there. That day I was like three. So was my brother. Neil was fourteen. My brother roger was eight. I was two so my dad Neil was fourteen get line at this dairy queen because they're having a sale on sundays. So there's a big line and my mom says like a forty minute line. Real big long wait lines so they sat like she sat in the car with the eight year old and me I was only two yeah keeping them busy keeping us busy, while my dad waited in line this whole time yeah. They buy four sundays here too, and to neil and my dad who's fourteen my brother Niels fourteen when they get to the car. My mom tells me for some reason my dad yells at neil gimme, those cars. He think Neil's going to drop 'em or something.

though now he has four sundays and he's trying to open the car door. At the same time he drops three of the sundays yeah. Then what does he do? He takes the fourth sunday and he throws it and if they get the car they'd go home Nobody gets a nobody. Nobody gets anything fuck I I I would I might have I might front of for the whole family man I'm going for a drink slam? You do that again. Please call them see if I give a fuck that so your mother must've been tough five, she was like a church, lady elia yeah, like a sweet church, lady. So she she just took it. I guess half and then, but once he was gone, you really

Egypt with her must have been solid, yeah. Well, she was like I remember. I was a latchkey kid right and I remember when I first heard a latchkey kids they're, like oh, these poor latchkey, kids, coming home by themselves nobody at home here. May I loved the alaska kid again me from what age from like eight nine from like twelve thirteen. I would come home. She was working at a work, yeah yeah, you know so I come home and there was a you know. I had He hidden or I had a key. How worked? Come on baby, nobody there and I make my own sandwich midwife. You know I loved it, like god, bless latchkey so what get wet dream? What drove you? The music? I mean I can't how'd, you get involved with the ban style. There's a guy to came to my house who is selling music lessons from the local music place here they are, can music store, Memphis avenue, yeah and some guy showed up in. Like hail.

What music was, I dunno if she went to them and my mom play piano okay and we had a piano in the house. My dad, like the filler out the ukulele and stuff said erica, they like music around yeah back then you know yet entertain yourself, sure. Add so tv it only like ten inches, yeah, yeah, sure black and white yeah, and so he asked us what we wanted to play and I was five Yeah my brother neil, wanted to learn to play. Guitar my brother, roger said drums and DA I had just see there was a local talent show that was on saturdays or sundays. On sundays, on include unclean to you, and I I saw some accordion guy on this talent show poker. Bands have really been cleveland, sure yeah. There was always like some local tap. It's group or you know, guy playing the accordion was big. Like a polish community ukrainian community blah blah biggest bloody german european yeah, yeah yeah, it was lotta, skis

and I'm sure yeah an issue which is yeah stuff like that yeah tons of em- and so I said, oh I'd, love to play the accordion. So I was I plan according I remember when I was like second grade first grade having to go like a christmas time having to go like class to class playing like the two christmas songs, any one, the accordion and co harrassed. This drew carey from this other class. He knows how to play. The accordion is going to play silent night. Then ok get out and go to the next class. I remember that. Did you like that? Do you remember liking that? Do you like it? I dunno. If I liked it or didn't like it, it was just I had to do. It was like homework, but but it's wait yeah when you play music publicly, I'm just trying to track. You know where you're, just like everybody in grade school, there was like in quote choir and band, and we you know, I wasn't shy about getting up in front of people so yeah, I remember being in like a buck. We had a barbershop quartet number yeah. We sank, give my

it's the broadway and there you go. You know a song and it was like eight of us yeah so like I was one of the kids that wasn't afraid to get up and have somebody and sing yeah, and when I did pirates of penzance the only reason I had I played frederick and the only reason I had that part was like the lead part. In the only reason I got it because I volunteered for cause. Nobody else would do it right like I'll, do it yeah? I wasn't afraid to get up there. It'd, be you didn't like where you compelled or or interested in comedy or performing, or you just sort of by now, but I always know, but I enquire they had to like, I wouldn't do it out of my own. I ask eight everybody hey, which do play right. I just happen to be enquire in the sky. The teacher was like and I want to do that, and he goes anybody want to do this partner when I do it and that was it that's. Okay.

And why not, but did you watch comedy? Were you a fan yeah when I would? I was one of those kids that would get the tv guide and I would highlight my shows for the week No you're, not her. They got a by, would undermine regime while west mathematical after That was one of my shows an impossible possible you're like the extra money or restore to have fun. I love deaf troop men. If I looked on the tonight show- and there was a comedian like comedian, Steve, Martin or comedian, so it's a comedy group, the committee. You know right right, I would go like. Oh. I wanna watch that I would stay up extra to watch whatever the comedy act was yeah nycha right. Maybe I wouldn't watch the full ninety minutes, which is what it used to be back. Then row in half, imagine yeah yeah yeah. In the last thirty minutes we were talking about to a guy that wrote a book yeah three years

who the hell. Is. This book wrote a book and just wrote a book this guy. I kicked crazy yeah that people were like. I dunno norman mailer's on for twenty five minutes. Can't imagine that now I it would be great, it would be great, but that's what podcaster for them. I guess so, but I think the nature of I you know, entertainment become, became intensified with attention spans and the ability they needed to hold people. think when there are three stations- and it was twelve at night there like we can but norman mail or on you, know that the the aunt the needed, the the ability to hold people was a little this year, I was explaining to somebody that I would watch t v until the t v station went off the area, just one game away to the tv station than what they would go off the air colors would come. They would stop broadcast area from like one in the morning till six in the morning yeah, and there was nobody to-

nothing there. it's a good name for bowery boys and three stooges yeah all day long. Yes, see Libya laurel and already wow yeah yeah. I used to love the bowery boys, but they were just like the cheapest one to get right, then kids, I dunno why you know I used to watching my grandparents' house. We used to be like it's channel eleven or something I dunno. If it was you hf, but they definitely. the hell out of you all that stuff, you can watch laurel and hardy. You can watch the three stooges rascals, little rascals you! Yet in boys, bowery boys, I think they became one that one became the other yeah. It was a. It was great to be able to see that stuff like I guess it was closer to the store

I mean what are we doing yearly eighties, Emma mid fifties, so at that time I mean those things weren't that far behind us. Now, even yet, even Saturday morning I would highlight, like my favorite cartoon josie, I like what was those like: johnny quest olive johnny class there, the johnny quest theme song, great piece of like I. I remember it's great: really I now want to hear it in hard to play. Really you guys, will your trumpet. No, I have a good there's a bad. I see in vegas all the time on, bronson man venison biggest may play they learned. Weighted formulas. Oh that's great! They're! All like these horn session guys- and this is like hearing it- live with a full like sixty piece horn band. That jonny quest theme is of great. So do you think you go to?

as you do. The whole college thing yeah. So I skipped my senior high school cause. I had enough credits to graduate year and all he needed to do was take senior english in the summer. Ok, so I took senior english in the summer cause. I was like why my? Why would I stick around I'm already bored yeah I took senior english, didn't have a commencement or anything I just went to the principal's office diploma and I applied to kent state and I got in ah and my first major was criminal justice studies cause it used to watch a lot of cop shows back then. If there was a show called police story yeah Joseph one was police story. He was a big one. Yeah yeah he's a big famous crime. Writer either house report is right. Is that him, or just one by no? No, no, the onion, builder, yeah, okay you're at the end of the field and the choir boys Choir boys right yeah, yeah, yeah, a couple of other ones. Yes, he was an lapd cop and he was famous for writing. Write writes about the lapd and

being a cop, the dark side, yeah I've always liked the you know right cops with drinking problems, yeah so thing like in the nfl that they'll have this bad back and have like psychological damage. They were, after the event or whatever and yeah, and that that's what compelled you to do yeah. So I thought all the criminal judge that that looks like a fun job yeah cop cause. That's all I like reading about and exciting stories, what a fucking idiot sense. Really, but you know anything about setting goals or believing in myself, and I just you know so he was just. I would do it. Why do you think that is dealing with this I was my family was like dad around. He was a disaster he's my mom. how to get a job you now to pay bills? So that's what she did and you know if she was a school secretary. I bet if she had her druthers, she could do something else.

I wish she had a family. The thing was, I wasn't a bad impulse to go into criminal justice was interesting. You were interested in it while my first grade point average was zero point: five, no good work via yeah, so you didn't take to college now now. Well, I love cali yeah. I love, yeah, I love being a fraternity. I loved partying sure I smoke marijuana for the first time super popular we got. You know parties, I was social director, my fraternity, but as far as like what you're supposed to be a college for yeah to get a degree yeah did you finish college now, like I kicked out twice and then what you do list worked as a waiter. I never have, for more than a year yeah like or if I did was like fourteen months, it was a miserable re drinking a lot what's going on and I was like a functioning alcoholic in college right. I think about it. Yeah like it's, like, I probably didn't help with this

the weekend started on Thursday night as one of those guys, you know happy hour starts on thursday, maybe even wednesday yeah, you know and thursday it was like half price wednesday was ladies night, thursday was half off. I knew every night of the week which bar to be at yeah. You know yeah tuesdays. This is the spot, that's hot right. You know yeah and friday, and saturday was just like a last weekend and all right, so so you're doing that, and then you get jobs and then my yeah, my fraternity, has got me. I wasn't a big stoner, but I would you know that got me high for the first time yeah that stick not really I mean you know here and there yeah yeah, so what agenda? And how did you end up come? What did you end up doing so you're working as a waiter and you're just yet, but when nothing worked I was a when I was in college. So I always watch these comics on t v and stuff. When I lived, I lived in

If I moved back and forth las Vegas yeah one time I was lin when I was when you were in college, the first after the first when I was eighteen and in college I tried to, I had a minor suicide attempt where yeah it wasn't a serious one, god, I suppose, take sleeping pills, yeah right. If you want to kill yourself, so I took a sleep easier where you were you depressed yeah I should have been. Been not drinking and unable to presence- and I should add of- I should admit with somebody about like what attitude I am goals I wanna do. I should have set it up. Did you have depression problems, your life? I do Maybe I was

It's like I was a nail biter, all through junior high and yet high school, like I used to bite the skin of the pads of my fingers and strip the skin off the pads. My fingers were, like my fears, will be bloody and I could barely hold a pencil or a like. It would hurt to hold a pencil or pen in my hand, as I used to like destroy my fingers and as a form of like self hate sure. Then, when I would walk through. I tell this to be when I walk through, like the hall in like junior high and high school, he tried to get around kids and I would never say, excuse me yeah, would always say. I'm sorry yeah. Sorry, sorry, sorry right, sorry, yeah and I would never like I'm looking you in the eye right now. I I would be like yeah. I would be talking to you like here. I wouldn't look at you in the eye wow, I'm so embarrassed. Look at you in the eye or like it wouldn't feel like I would dunno to throw alcohol must have just loosened yap into can make you feel better yeah I was, and I always had like. I was one of those guys at had jokes memorize twitter like I would be like

Larry wilder, you know, joker looks, that's they re yeah, I think so like ten thousand jokes or how to or no he had like the official polish joke book. The irish crystal jewish official college of book yeah, oh yeah, I remember those with the cartoons on front yeah, Larry wilder, I think, was his name. Then I also had two thousand insults for all occasions. As an insult with the court jester on front yeah, I had two thousand more insults for all occasions. He had a follow up yeah, I remember those to you should make a train ticket dirt road, so this was the fact that that is not of a way to communicate. Yeah. I had all these jokes memorized and if I would this, isn't it get through life, I'd listen to morning radio or hear a comic on t v on the tonight show, and I would hear the jokes they had and I were like. Oh that's a good joke and I would say I would credit them. I wouldn't make it. joke. I will go oh so and so was on t v, just in a social environment like when I get working at the restaurant- and I remember there was a time where I really hated steve. Martin, like I was

we first came out. I was like at such a huge fan that he's great, like one of the most innovative combines, could ever live yeah. But then, when I was in college and my fraternity, you could not go anywhere to any party Without somebody gone excuse me, you can get away from me, everybody or they would he rolling a joint and go hey. Let's get small yeah yeah, they would do that right and I was just like what the fuck with this guy already enough enough. Well, when did you try to kill you, so there was like that. I was like just about. I was eighteen. I turn my birthday so. I can the spring yeah when I was eighteen cyclopes like over the in pills, I could have calls while the whole bottle- and I just would have slept ten hours yeah or no one knew that you tried to kill you well, there is a party downstairs. I would just get Oh, I remember being mad that they were at a party and mad. They were enjoying themselves

I remember being really angry like who the fuck are these people having fun yeah yeah, you know now you still have your boxes with these pierre, with dates, something not having fun yet the fuck on with them. Yet its thinking like that you're totally and I went light swallow but to these over the counter sleeping pills, wash it down with a beer laid in bed, and I was a big christian kid. When I was in june, I was a panic hostile christian. When I was in junior high in high school. That really fucked me up royal, ah be honest and our mom. No, my mom was a presbyterian irregular presbyterian church, and then I think there is a friend of mine and junior high It belonged to a pentecostal, church and assembly of god church, and he invited me to one of his youth group meeting and I have gone to the church service and I got saved. They had an egg that they're really powerful preachers and all these now. They make a case yeah you know and if you're a sinner and if you're feeling bad- and you want Jesus to help you you know, do you feel bad about yourself,

lost and lower the twelve year old, yeah when a half year old confused about things. You have scared him up. Your Jesus will save you. Jesus what's happening, come on up here and pray with us, it'll be all right and then the dip in the water and the water was like I'd stood in front of palais hand in your head and I was like crying. On the ground. Talking in tongues like that, all that stuff, how my gun like right before I turn thirteen got ya, yeah and then was going to this church all the time I would go to my mom's church him. I would just go to this pentecostal church and I would go like you know. I would try to say if kids at school, I got in trouble at bible camp. I went to like a regular bible camp here at presbyterian and I got in trouble because I saved like three, the kids and they were all emotional crying and they pulled me aside. we have to do that anymore. Stop saving people yeah, and I want. I really want people to ask me what I wanted to do for what I grow up and I want to be a preacher. I want to be a minister and tell people about Jesus. You know,

that's all I wanted to do, and I would have an eye, would like I would pass up chick tracks and my high school sure yeah, the wolf comic book, I read them and I they weren't like kitschy. I was like fuck man. Look at this world's going to end it'd be better right. There yeah go to hell and burn yeah, and I remember there was a thing I bought at one of the youth group things you go to these overnight things as the columbus net and drake and Andre crouch and the disciples were playing there will be headlining band and have somewhat the whole youth group went down there and we were all like thirteen fourteen, just torpor, hotel, jerky, pet burping contests stuff. Like yad and like hey, look, how big a shit I You know that I remember that if you like bragging about the size of their shit, yeah very excited fourteen year old boy, you're fourteen yeah. So when did this start Well, I bought this thing called the Jesus person maturity manual and it was like an eight by eleven booklet. You know will feels like you know, fifty pages, maybe

we and it had a chapter on like guinea, responsibility and obeying your parents, and they had a chapter on masturbation and master. Masturbation was bad for you and you shouldn't masturbate, which was like I thought I was going to Hell all day, yeah sure I'd like be on the bus. The school it a boner yeah for night, no reason rights. I don't know where I want you to think about sex or anything. I just got a boner. I, mrs days and I d have to cover with my general keeper yeah made after the need trapper keeper man the boner cover area, hands, walking, weird yeah, so so you you're going to hell. However, the time yeah wait what european and you got into the dark place it Jesus left by them, I was still confuse member. I want to see a I add Anna cm, a council of capable of tunnels I remember I had to see a counselor in college. Yes, I was feeling guilty about masturbating still a really everytime. I jerked off was like fuck. I gotta quit doing this, I'm going to hell yeah and with the counselor bad

which is why I saw they had like a mental health counselor, and she could see the college see that guy and he goes oh, go see this friend of mine who's, a Methodist minister. Amin is near to campus. So I went to see a Methodist minister and he was like. Don't worry? I masturbate my wife masturbates. It's not against if the bible at all- and he show me the verses where it's fine, oh good and I was like okay, then didn't feel bad about it yeah you to, qualified The age not really playing by the old school rule book is not really as for christian as that stages yourself off the hook, you just knew you were beating off and beating yourself up bite my nails, bad about beating off that

in college, then some people yeah- I mean if people are having a good time push me over the edge push me over the edge, and then I took the spear that I was like well, what's going happen to me now that I took this pills yeah in like ten minutes, I'm fuck my gonna going to go to hell what happens after I die here. I ve no idea that scared, the shit out of me and I got up, and I found one of my fraternity Oh, hey man, I just took some sleeping pills and I tried to kill myself and they got me in a car and they drove me to the the kent state health center to help those looked a little like clinic that your head and the gimme, Kek yeah. It made me throw up simon, that's like Dominic's year, and I remember clearly because I, like his name, but I remember somebody's a lawyer in pittsburgh now hi how you doing hi paul yeah. If you're out there, I'm gonna, say your last name on a virtue, but he's really. friend of mine and I used is fake id to get the bars. I was really close to them, but so he went

I think, he's the one I found he was older than me, yeah to me the clinic and I was throwing up apa, kak and the toilet, and he was behind me like holding my shoulders and hold me together my back. I called him yet and he was singing take some attacks tonight sleep yeah that was thrown out, so that was that then I had to see a counselor. I went to see a counselor for a few sessions and you know that get kicked out of school newark. As a waiter, the adjutant, just the military yeah join the marines at one point I was: I was living in LAS vegas and I do I you to vegas de jure. Well, I too, oh after I try to kill myself

I didn't know what to do yeah I was like well, I can't go back to college and yeah, so my dad was dead. I was still getting his social security checks yeah and they had a thing back there and greyhound called it a mere paths yeah and he could buy up. I dunno how much it was, but he violated us a thing ing for like a month, a thirty day, Amir pass and he could ride any greyhound bus anywhere by just shown that pass and hopping on. So he could see America yeah. That was yeah, and so I bought at a mere pass, and I had money for my dad's social security checks. I was getting so I took that money and I had a backpack and nylon backpack. It was orange. Yeah and I apt greyhound bus. I be like my mom, the greyhound station. Just a crying open, I'd, be okay, it s like crying or store mom will be fine, just take vegas out of nowhere sobbing in the car. I didn't pick vegas at all. My brother lives out in california, or the neal lived in Dana point yeah.

His brother neil and I hardly ever saw him. Sir thou just got see neil ray, so I have to greyhound west. I think I slept in indianapolis saw my aunt ah then I would what I would do is I would sleep or sleep on the bus at night yeah. I didn't want that one hotel room. I would sleep on the I was nineteen years. I just tina sleep on the bus at night and whenever I woke up in the morning I would get off the bus and I would go to the men's room and I would wash my pit my crotch like do a little like whore put on a fresh shirt, whatever and then not hang out. I got five diner near the ground station. I would have cup of coffee and whatever breakfast I can afford I would just like walk around. You know. Yes, it on a bench watch people here I might have had a book to read or something probably in there around dinner time ish. I would ah see when the next bus was coming in through going west. Just get on I'll show my pass hop on the bus storm.

Shit rash, watch the scenery and when it got dark I would sleep and then I would sleep. warning. I would do that. I want that all the way across country and I stopped in vegas and I got off the bus in vegas and I was like holy shit. This place is amazing. I remember I stayed at a hotel, it was down by the hacienda, which is not there anymore, as thou mandalay bay like out by there yeah. It was used to be the hacienda and it was a motel across the street and I stayed there. Adult movies yeah? I thought oh great point of the room, but I need after a long bus trip and it was like the worst. I remember I think I watched like five minutes of it. It's like the worst yeah like the unburied affable, yet what have you got it haven't you like? You can beat after this, the horny scandal worthy right up to this point. Through those disappoint yeah- and I left my shit- there was a nasty room. Two was not great here. You know we ask

of course, the idea with the free born there. What and I now hear- and then I just I walked from there all the way down the strip, all the way downtown and back and just more all that how big it was in the signing of the idea. Man isn't like eyes, and then I will I like the cocktail waitresses were like most beautiful women had ever seen in my life yeah like, what is going on here, and people are playing for twenty five bucks a hand. Are you kidding me right what he asked for these rich people wasting their money, What are you up to? I was blown away I love with it, and I saw my brother in California took the bus back same thing, washing up They know awning bridle, bridal hotel room and when I got there as I'm moving to las vegas to your mom yeah, and I

saved up whatever money. I knew you'd try to kill yourself yeah. No, I think she knew, but it was like that a serious. If I really wanted, I would have done something, but it was more an ex who would cry and cry for help. Yes, sorry, sir, she said god you're, okay, you can go to vegas. While I just was nineteenth. I said I'm going to have an an ask her permission here. I told her I was leaving again and how long she was really worried about me or yeah. He shared a bed yeah she's still around now she died. She was really worried about me when I got to be famous and got the tonight show and drew carey show and all the stuff she I think she's in denial. She couldn't. We met. I remember telling her one time I was like third season already like set for life yeah, pretty much yeah. I was in syndicated yet, but right if I would live like a modest life, the rest of my life, I'm done yeah like you could really. Like sure I mean I couldn't be driving a Bmw, seven series or whatever, but I live yeah and not have to worry about shit yeah. I do

She did, she didn't believe he couldn't believe it and she that's what you get. I can't believe, and I go mom and at one point and she saw you on tv I was like so I was like mom. This is how much money I'm making every year yeah. I think she started crying. She almost fell off her chair she's. I never heard of that and I go wherever you want. Just tell me and ensures, like you, want a car, you want to travel I just take a cruise around the world. You want to. You know a free cable whatever, but but- and this is a person who grouped under depression, I member you getting that she'd remarried. This guide, george and I remember going over there, and that was the stand up, comic and successful at it, but before the tonight show. But if you want to like your book in yourself and you have to keep in touch waiting for a booker to call you back right and there's no cell phones back then so I had an eight hundred number that they could that I rented the thicket. Call you some kind of a man, s yeah. You know mom didn't, have a touch tone phone

I pay the money for touchdown service yeah and I was like are really was like How much is that a month. I was really like my arms out like this yeah. How much is it a month? It's like an extra ten or twelve dollars, and I reached my pocket. I think I grabbed two hundred dollars: I threw it out. I go here, get yourself some button jihad kid just ass the buttons, because I'm not losing work, because you will have a touchstone phone. When I can see you well I can come see you for an afternoon call and I'm not be at work. the road that when you offered him anything she wanted. Did she take you up on it? I think she gets. You took a trip without whenever lady frau that's what I'm sure but ass. She just wooden like the whole idea of it like. If I were fire first class, we here's my mom as she came out to see me in l a we went to the beverly center air, which is a nice mall. right, not the nicest small interim the ita there,

remodeling. It now might be mia, but it was at a great mall, tougher malls right now yeah, but you know at the time it was the place to go. Yeah went to the beverly center and my mom said this in the parking lot. Oh look there's one of those bmws. yeah yeah and there's one of those range rovers and there's one of those mercedes and there's one of those jaguars yeah like she just that there was a bmw parked in the parking lot. What yeah, alright, so you've never seen like she'd heard about them. There's one of those bm yeah in my neighborhood grown up. If somebody said hey, I got a new car. You would ask oh really: what year is it right? Nobody got a new car, new to them. So, okay, so when you're in vegas you, what would you do there? Will you just hang out for a while? I worked as a bank teller worked at dinner at a denny's. So what You join the marines, well I lost my one.

at that I had and I got in vegas, yet I was living in this motel. That's been torn down. Unfortunately, so I used to like to go back and visit. It was by fremont charleston yeah. If you're not familiar las vegas fremont charleston is not it's not the greatest neighborhood in the world. There's worse, surely, summit saying I was in the worst neighborhood

you're right it wasn't like. I was living in cabrini green in the sixty. You know that a great name, not a great neighborhood and I actually got shot at once when I was there, somebody shot at me from the from a car with a gun, yeah yeah. They said something to me and I was in the marines then, and I had my jacket and I said the fuck: did you say to the people in the car yeah? I can't remember it was like it was at nadia and I never could see was in the car, and I heard how would you like a whole new glasses, and I said why don't you suck on she suck my dick words to that effect, yeah and then bang and you ran know there was a shot and I'm in the marine corps. I know fuckin gun sounds like they shoot at me. The car takes off and I ran after them to get a license plate number. That's what the marines duty at a moron yeah, but your brow jack I was all jacked marinus. Yes, I was, and I was like oh fuck,

me, I'm bulletproof. I really was like out of my mind, and that was an empty lot behind me. I at this place it so that didn't hit anything. I don't think I dunno I didn't in anything. So you just join the marines cause you'd like hit some sort of bottom and decided yeah, and I needed a job, and I was staying at my disappointed in you. Need to do, I was at my I lost. I lost my job and in l, a of it in vegas house plan states space. It costs me fifty five dollars a week earlier in rent. It was a motel which is everywhere miserable, is why I wash my clothes in the tub god hanging up. I was really living it rough rough days. Yeah then, and I I lost my job- can pay for the fifty five a month, but everything in my car that had already been totaled, barely ran, and I I could I had to Stuart sideways to even get like a block was actually driving it, and so I put all the stuff I had like. I had a yearbooks and old love. Letters

is an allegan of shit yeah and I put it all in the car and, as my friends said, hey come stay at my place overnight, and so I went to my friends ever walked at mcdonalds. They were having a. They were doing, a the they had the monopoly contest, Hampshire and no, it said no purchase necessary out starving yeah. It's I go. I go. I'd have to buy anything to get a car. Nope. I can. I just get a card. Then they have even off the card neighbors that I want a coke. He asked yeah every I savoured every piece of ice yeah. My friend made me like. I think my friend made me like, like spaghetti o's,

actually, in a can when I got to his place- and I was like so grateful and went back to my place the next day I walked back to my place and somebody smashed the windows of my car and stole everything. So I don't have any my high school yearbooks are my original love letters for my first girlfriend or any of that stuff anymore, and they haven't showed up no these interests, what he was looking for or whatever they still I trashed it. Who knows? I looked in the garbage and everything was gone. That was one of those moments where you're just like what is my life yeah. So then I call the guy I was crying. I had a couple chains like a quarter, my pocket. He goes well I'm about to go to vegas I'm about to drive to la with this other friend that we knew. Why do you come with us? Like? Okay? I got a brother out there, so I got ahold of my brother and he said I can there so I stayed of my brother Niels. We draw there. I got to state my brother Niels of that mission Viejo. Dana point area and he got me-

job driving a van for a port. He worked at a porsche audi dealer, who was the parts manager yeah, and he got me a job driving the van delivering parts around southern california, which was a great job yeah cause they would go need a porsche muffler at this repair place scheduled renouncing guide, yeah yeah and I had a you know. Zinni adamant that the police and the esa that tape over- and listen to K rock, and I was just like I was in Heaven. And then the owner of the place found out that we were related and he didn't want a relative working for a relative because be too easy to steal if he was the parts manager and I was delivering parts so mobility sorry found out that you're, my brothers have to get back to. Let you go so and I was like seep into my brother's couch and I didn't have anything when I got there. I had like decade that were broken up are like to close. All I had was like the close, my back, the literally right no underwear saw nothing. We could have bought stuff. I don't have money.

your brother and give you money. My brother, gub gub me stuff here, so I I keep him in his wife. Took me out shopping fur underwear inside I teach like basics, shit, toothbrush fyodor it like. I nothing right, and I sleep the council as a well. What are we gonna do now? I guess I'll, just military and I went to the recruiter's office and I was afraid in the full on military other. I wanna like alike it than I'm stuck yeah. So Just during the reserves and the first guy the marine reserves? Yes, in the risk I met was of the marines. I went to the eye what I looked in the navy first and the army first, and the marine guy was like so together and their office was so together and he was like I just I dunno yeah marines are pretty together and I thought, if I'm going to do this, I just go for it don't go half way during the hardest one. So we did get and I would like you actually, thousands people do every year at that bad. But what did you do you do in joy? It did you love it,

drew. I future under category eight got three squares a day. I was in great shape, you know, did you have to go anywhere now the reserves like we went to like two weeks. Every summer, but did you I germany one summer when I was there a weekly thing. You had to do one one weekend, a month, two weeks during the summer ban, but when how what was the training like I went to boot camp and I went to school, bootcamp was like months, all together, it's like eleven and a half weeks, but then there's an orientation periods stuff, so you're in total, your bouquet for, like three months so, where does comedy start three and forty though I was already like twenty eight years, older someone I started on comedy, but how did its sights? Oh, so I was in college and I would always like, for the marines. I would always like, like comics when I was in vegas way had another suicide attempt when I was in vegas yeah. What was how you do the same kind of thing just depressed drunk

I was like an alcoholic, but I was just depressed all the time sorry for your medication. No, no! No! No! No! You happy sky in the world. It is changed. Super positive and you know it just happened, because you may Oh ah reasons like I wouldn't have made it unless I was found a way to be happy with you did you do this? Second one was that during the marines, or after as after I was in the marines yeah getting the ambulance bill and having money to pay it off? The cuff funk three hundred dollars. I a night. I wake so they had like there was. At the sahara, the editing song called the sahara, talent, showcase yeah, and you could just sign up yeah so that first time I ever like there was a talent show in college right got updated. I told the jokes right that I knew yeah but Marjah, and what good? Okay,

yeah, laughs from friends, and they was not unexpected to me and then, when I was in vegas, I signed up for the talents. Sara talent showcase and I did it. There was terrible yeah awful I like the worst year was the stuff. I thought was funny that I wrote down. I didn't know anything about writing or anything. Oh I dunno what I was doing. People just staring at me then, guy that had a local job be Joe bihar was yet a local like count thing here. That would be like a careless like literally in the corner, and it would last for like it would be like once a week for like six weeks. Then he was like. Oh they don't want us there anymore. Then he would move to a mount jacks yeah. Then it would be someplace else anywhere in vegas yeah and he would have, as you know, Joe, be hard. Haven't corner something later come on, we're sure it'll, be hers, comedy corner here, but he could be a talent you gotta get up and saying sure. If you had a little, I can open Michael a rival over my every week, corner karras, I'm ever trying

stand up there again, still terrible. That's how I met the guy that gave me the ride to l a yeah cause. He was trying to do comedy and there was another guy that was trying to do something to them but those guys. Ok, I like it when you ask every hope, MIKE levy a level yeah and want to get to cleveland This is before the marine corps. I moved back and forth all the time a few times and from vegas I would go out there and fail in combat cleveland, got fail and come back to cleveland sure and up I got back in the local comedy. Local guy was starting a comedy club in cleveland yeah and they were looking. He was going to do it. His idea was to do with all local talent yeah, which is a mistake. That must not be so easily where people are dish and so what they are dishes. On a saturday remember we sought indians, yankees game and after the game I went to additionality and the day I was awful, I gotta say it is about it was, but he hired me as an m c is indeed people sure I said I was willing to do it.

say something on my life: pretty much. Do it: okay, so wednesday. The first wednesday I ten minutes, then I introduced lacked the headliner thursday. That cut me to five minutes and a friday they said just introduced the axe. Yeah. I was allowed to do anything right because I would I was destroying any hope of fun Yeah there has to be, except for I read a book that vibe I read a book that freud wrote about humor. There has to be a sense of play, yeah for comedy to take place. Everybody has to be Playful mood and that's why you can't tell certain jokes are like they call it crossing lines. You take people out of the playful mood. If you make a cancer joke and semi recently cancer right thing, they won't be playful anymore. I said this threat yeah right or at a book about human wings, the unconscious I can't remember witness relation to the unconscious. Is that one is coughing, so yeah, okay? Well, there you go

precise in college. I read the whole book I remember, but that our is very true, sir. You know that so they have. on music and drinks to get you rightly for mood, and that's why you can talk cancer, you can't joke about rape, you can talk about murder, you can't joke around and about Sesar, but am ready, asked? No, you don't mean it. Never even a playful mood about in a very doesn't than those nobody, in a serious threat to make other things fun, yeah and a few if you're, in the room with you, people and everybody knows like okay, we're all joking around and thereby sick, so sick human I get it in there. They might say I get it. It sounds good, but if somebody takes a tape of it and shows it on t v later, look at this fucking guy, yeah people watching home gonna going to go this guy's a fucking monster monster yeah. It happens all the time, it can do and that's detroit. She had to take reality that kind of joke any who, ah they cut me, and then I try to times are no good. So I stopped and then later on, when I was out- and this is like later on- twenty eight now, just like eight years

later seven years later, like that seven years later- and I thought well that thing. I tried that I'm no good at yet I go to the comedy club all the time to see people like when Bob segwit play. I would see him on wednesday when the tickets were half price yeah, then it would take a date on friday. to see him again or read. I take another friend of mine had saturday to seem a third town. I are addicted. You have bob saget. I was a comedy yap for she, NATO. I would go to that club constantly, just as a fan yeah and with somebody like a rich jenny or above segura, somebody was a really murderer. Yeah thing, vibe fallen down. I would go back twice a week to see him like. I would just really be. Like till I was like how many grouping- and I would watch these guys. I remembered for the vets- because I saw him already- that I kind of like took a lot of information in through osmosis and I got No- I was working as a waiter and and the owner the guy at place got mad at me, one time and all of a sudden, I working good dinner shifts. I was we had lunch instead,

yeah. When I did work, I would get the bad section that wasn't enough money right- and I I at the time I had this friend of mine, who was a disc jockey, who knew me from back in the day right, and I was telling about my troubles and he goes well. If you ever think of any jokes from my radio show of here, was he on a popular radio show that you are working just check. The meter meter living morning show, though, sometimes yeah sometimes afternoons whatever yeah, he said if one thinks of any jokes from my radio shall pay cause, he always thought it was funny for back then, and we always kept in touch yeah and how much we, meaning, say I'll. Give you ten or fifteen dollars a joke or what I thought. Oh shit. I could make one hundred dollars a week, yeah thinking up jokes yeah I didn't know how to think of jokes, and all I knew is if I thought of something write it down. So I went to the I very cleveland and I gotta put em how rich oaks you did well who's book. It was cut, I think, was, however jokes by some british guy cameron. The name of the guy wrote it, but it was like the only thank god was the only book in the library about how to write jokes. Oh my god I do not believe it did all the things about you're making a list about a topic in you know, exaggerating this and minimizing. You know, like all stand or things you do when you write a joke.

but it had all the information- and I was like oh, this is what you do yeah. It was like a miracle to me, so I started. Writing jokes, and I made this is like in the fall I now I want them. I want that book and I made a while now I have a bunch of joke writing books. I like, although er you do yeah, I bought em all jean prey and all those bug eyed that work oh my god, If you don't have access, you don't have to kind of act anyway. I'd like to do that kind of act. Well then she gets him the joke, reading books. I will. If you gotta, tell me what they are. I will yeah. So anyway, the january I made a goal for myself, so I'm gonna try these jokes on amateur night here and see how they do because I am now. I know how to write jokes right. And I went to amateur night that january and at the time I making sense had come out like a year two before yeah and I thought oh people are wearing like those kind of like it was like glasses I had were from the marines I couldn't afford,

with the glasses? I wear contact lenses some time, but otherwise those of the glass of the handset don't have any money. Yes, the free glasses. I got from the marines and I had my hair cut short because I was the marine reserves yeah and I bought the suit at a sale at the goodwill. I could fit the bag for twenty dollars. He and I bought because oh this and that a suit that I had yeah. I thought was a hip suit, right side or the suit glasses and a crew cut, and I got up an average night and people laughed at me when I walked on stage. That was my first laugh and I got fifty bucks yeah and I was like fuck here we go, people thought it was funny and gave me advice, and I wrote jokes and everybody everytime. I saw a comic that was good. I'd say: hey. Can you give me some advice? They would give me more advice and I write more jokes who gave you the best advice? Everybody gave me good advice, yeah yeah victim op told me talked to people like you're talking to them in the living room. Yeah like I was, I didn't know where to look right and I was on stage what I do do. I can't look at people in the eyes. Look at the ceiling yeah. I guess

people in the face and pretend that you're in the living room. That's what I do here. There was granted yeah and he passed away to get. Somebody else told me a great technic, tell the joke and then act out the joke. Oh yeah, yeah. We tell us like so I could so here's while the one. I just thought up that if you're not in a relationship you want to and I'm in a relationship right. So if you're not in a relationship, you want to feel what it's like to be in a relationship that be in a relationship. Here's what to do all the fun things you like to do when you're by yourself stop doing them. that's the joke and then you act out the joke right honey. I was just getting high. Sorry, I didn't mean to do that. Yeah! That's the get it you see. People do that apples list of examples of Acta. I see people do that. All the time right tell the joke act out the yeah yeah very common yeah. I didn't know anything about that. Yet why it's supposed to have?

instinctively, I think, also tell the joke and don't move, doesn't avail an area till tell the joke. and because, as you start moving the that's a visual coup for the finance, to let him know that another jokes on the way. Okay, so they start to laugh, starts to die down. Okay, so just let it sit like always like vaudeville certain tips yeah that people learned in Chicago where there's a lot of chicago called comcast coming in that I would like- and I would go to chicago and do sets too. That would learn from people it's great. I mean I just picked everybody's brain about every fucking thing and read every book I could find about great jokes and then I just started working in a golf blew up from there and he and that's how you build your act in that he started yeah. I even came up with a formula about like writing ten jokes a day to get one joke. That was my percentage. If I had like ten thoughts like a monologue, writers, job, that's what I would do yeah I would have, but I didn't I was like seinfeld, where I had to think of life directly hours day cause that's my job right. I figured out my head that if I think of one funny joke,

day telling it getting the punchline getting laugh. That's x number of seconds this me that's like twenty seconds, twenty five seconds and I'll also think of tags for it when acted out and tag. It that'll be another five or ten seconds me owning the laugh right and if I wrote one joke a day five days a week all year round, I could about forty five minutes a year raw material worked out I worked it out a you. Follow that, yes, yes, great and I would write like writing ten jokes a day, though you could be anywhere, you can be in your car. You can be like whatever the brains work and then the the the kicker of the yeah, I didn't have to be timber jokes. I d c d want good joke right, so to be like nine thoughts and then one day joke right, and then I can tell you work on it and it would be turned into something. That's all I did it with in any of the rules. Were they couldn't be dirty the act right, dirty, jokes right, but they couldn't count towards the ten ok, I we're extra yeah that'd be stuff that are becoming enough to do it

I shall write, and then you got to do that and I shall with cars yeah they couldn't be topical because I wanted to be every. I could write topical, jokes ya, like oh, that car right the idea that Clinton bright, oh that, whereas the politician right, but I like dating count towards the time you did first tonight show with johnny right, johnny and doc. That's great and my dream I haven't, though I have only did it I had. I wanted to have all the starters there yeah nothing against tommy newsom you mean you want you want to. I love tommy news, the I s and I e I dont- want to guess star at IRAN. I love Gary but I didn't want him to be the guest right right. I was due. My first tonight show yeah, of course, had to be carson, so you, you know you you, we came up, you got your headlining said. You know you got your, you got your show and then my question was really is that you

you did. You said you went into. He did retire to some degree yeah and then they made was. Was the price is right, an offer you couldn't refuse or something you really thought was. Why is it that she added that power ten show and like toasting when I yeah, when I did the well, interesting show to me via, like I thought, wow Interesting hauling show yeah, you get polling and it's like that sounds like fun, you know I got reading orc yeah you a cup for a couple of weekends a month. yeah. You know all the mail that all you knock them out that you strip them yeah. All the time is free, sure fucking. Why not yeah and fuck it yeah so, and I liked Michael davies and the guy that was doing it. So fuck yeah and he did it yet and then I did the pilot and thence CBS yeah and then I was driving out I think, trip out of new york and then in a rail car, and I got a call from CBS how'd you like to do that. My agent called me yeah. I got a really interesting call from CBS yeah yeah and I had been taking acting lessons because I thought maybe I'll do some movies or something so yeah hearts and

If I the little small part here in there and I got the did, they want me for a csr I did like the outcome to act and they go as how would you like to take over from bob barker? Do the prices right now? I just I think I said like what the fuck do. I think this. The first thing I said, yeah yeah. that old man show I'm going to. I know anything about prices, A part of the inning in integrated part of american culture yeah, but I thought I'm not going to be like that. They might as well. Ask me if I want to do a cruise ship or a ride. That's what I was wondering yeah like no yeah, and then they said, that's the number they're throwing around no, not even then, then they picked up the power ten and I'm back. I was at bob's big boy now back now they picked up the show and like burt's to burbank over there yeah yeah and I'm eating nice to go there all the year and then my agent calls again er and he goes hey CBS called again. I got really they go. They still want to do. The price is right as like. Well, what does a pay here and he goes no, I do what are the hours cuz I

this other show. Yes, I don't know like a well at least my meeting now right. I got this now that you're on the air now they're my family, that I have the meeting bright, so they find out what you can and find out what I can a hot in a website that know anything. I found it as much as I can. I had a meeting with him by the end of the meeting. I wanted to do the show really yeah. Why is it about it? Well I still didn't know exactly how much paid or what hours were, but they filled me and my meeting ray and it was like they had a cbs daytime in one of the producers and the present cbs and one of the producers on on the price is right. They were getting to know me and I was asking questions like to show ever travel like, in, will work around your schedule of any time off to worry about. It has far in advance vietnam off it's true. Finally, the one guy said vintages his name. He was sipping a beer and he looked at me cause what's the thing you like to do most year in life and I go love, love, leaving big tips. I really do get a thrill of like

thrown a hundred bucks at people yeah like a valet or a cup of coffee. That's what tell them by drink coffee. I would like to leave a hundred bucks curving here and I have it on roads. I've had people chase me under the restaurant, look at it dennis, sir sir, he much like Nana. They don't recognize me. I go now at keeper like people, I love it. I love over tipping and I love leaving big tips and looks at me. He goes well. If you do, the price is right. You can do that every day for living and I was like wow it's right and that's what sold me. feeling of feeling of like changing some or do I have here. There's nothing like it. Oh that's true, there's nothing like it and it's not my money. That's the best part somebody else's money. That makes sense. It makes sense. I just love it. I love people like her freaking out because they get the like

a free thing, because I know how I know how broke I was right like I gave plasma vegas otherness, this roach motel break. So when he people either in like five hundred bucks, which is now not the price of right, but unlike filer buses, great yeah by joking if you want a scratcher on five, if you've won five hundred bucks on a scratcher, you would shut up about it. Yeah thats right, you know, yeah wow, that's great! That makes sense yeah well great and you and you're you're doing for. For the are you there for life or does it work? I don't see. I don't have any reason to leave and is it does it do well? Does it hold its numbers and that's the number one show in daytime second half hour we get like six million people watch add some believe if it was on prime time because numbers we'd be like a top twenty five show at crazy yeah, and what about this and you're not depressed and you've found a way to be happy. You enjoy sports. I know my friend Dave Anthony. Sometimes everything does soccer There's one! I'm wait. When did buddhism come into play?

I sort of practicing and learning about it like like right around when the drew carey show ended. right around there and then I really came home and I was so. I took the submission of meditation course rather for ten days without talking, oh yeah, I did that while a couple years ago- and that did it was alive- yeah cuz every night you do like a you, got a lesson and buddhist philosophy along with the meditation and then you meditate the whole rest of the year before in the morning, and you meditate all day, and it's been like around eight hundred and thirty is a forty five minute listening buddhist philosophy. No talking and that's- and I guess the combination of that in and you making a living and and having your valley. Did yourself in so many different ways. It kind of pushed back that shitty sense of self and and all the depression yeah cause. You don't feel like you you're, biologically depressed. It was conditional in some way. I think so.

Yeah when you're the place you grow up in is like a punchline again, you know that situation grow with the earth. You, your dad missing, and everybody from that. We often that era cleveland they are up, has a really liked self depreciating humor or just a home. It was just like we cleveland everybody like yeah, oh hey, we suck You know like that whole added, even like the local disc jockeys, the tv everyone, everybody had this, like You see more citizen scared, doing it yet low self esteem, the entire still you know. How do you know how and mad magazine was really popular in bad magazine- goes here, some other bullshit. We thought of that their whole. Thing yell, right. Here's more garbage from an egg is the idea that was the whole point of view well city when they will go. Yeah we're doing the saying, of course, it's gotta suck because we're doing it because I suck cause I'm from here, but would always have that kind of sense of humor about us, you're sure, right, Well, I'm glad everything worked out man's great talking to you,

thinking are shits thinks in cleveland. Yes, you know we had a real europe. We have the opposite attitude of pretty toity yet, but I tell you: I swear that like there's a couple restaurants and leaving the best restaurants in the world, yet greenhouse However, in that it michael simons place down the street and then there's a girl she's right Do you ever go that corn beef place that corn beef simonds? I don't like corned beef, which is weird some of it's a big huge thing. There was a really famous a corby place right in my neighborhood that you could walk to, but I wasn't simonds know it was. Something else was like a local place had been there forever. We can have different pennies back one be it was. It was great, hockney medicinal. I seen again that's one as great care, twenty five minutes, yeah for twelve yeah it'll, be until we were

we play yeah. I you thought you were coming for. I hope you feel better, she one bucks an hour. That was such a satisfying hit for me drew It was amazing. I was amazing I really enjoy talking to him hope you did hope you like that. Soon I will be playing guitar and we're not far away from me, I know there are of your like when, when when mark? When do we get you working? rifts. At the end, your broadcast. When does that happen again soon? Folks, soon, at long last, I gotta get. I gotta get guitars out. I just

my sound panels up tell you about my sound panels. Boomer live